So,I met someone...but...

[AlfredM]

Hi guys,it's been a while. So I met someone from grindr. Now,before you start bashing grindr for an absolutely no place to meet any remotely decent guys,contrary to that belief,I have met some by setting my own strict rules.

1. I didn't put up my picture,which has a lot to do about me being discreet rather than filtering guys out there.
2. I clearly say that I don't believe in any relationship based on hook up (no offense,it's just not for me).
3. I don't initiate conversation with any one who's clearly looking for hook up. I don't response to one too.
4. I talk and response to those who don't put up their picture more often than those who do.
5. I only give my picture and set any meet up if and when I believe I'm ready.
6. If I initiate the conversation with someone with a picture,I'll give my picture beforehand.
7. If I talk to those without picture,and at some point I feel the connection with them,I'll offer to exchange pictures.
8. I prefer to talk to those without picture,cause that way I know I won't be able to be shallow and be reluctant to talk to them just because they're not attractive to me.

Anyway,so far these rules have been working. I met like 3 new friends who I could relate to,and then,I met this some one.

He's a Spanish from Spain. Currently working in Manila as a doctor. We really clicked. Lots of common interest like singing (although he only sings old songs and I only sing new songs),US TV Shows,love gadgets,hate shopping (LOL),and so on.

He's very cute and I thought he's way out of my league,cause to some I might still be cute,but I'm still,well,chubby. But after we had some chat and skype sessions,we flirted a bit before ending the days,and then he said that I am cute and he like chubby people. And he kept saying he'd date me if I am here in Manila. Of course,I was over the moon,still am.

Anyway,after our first day,I can't stop thinking about him,and he kinda drive me crazy when he didn't response to my skype chat despite he's online (LOL). But later at night,I see him online on grindr and I immediately say hi,and then we had another lovely skype session with a bit of flirt in the end.

He's my perfect kind of guy. He's looking for commitment and has had a long term relationship (9 years) before (though I didn't ask why they split). He's cute,he's masculine,doesn't fit in any of those gay stereotypes at all,he likes me despite I'm chubby (this is the most unbelievable part to me,honestly,cause he goes to gym!). I honestly believe that I have met the one (LOL).

But...

He's geographically undesirable. I mean,flights to Manila from Kuala Lumpur is about 4 hours,and tickets aren't that cheap despite AirAsia caters that route. Well,maybe I could wait for sales. Other than that,I'm not sure how long he's gonna be in Manila,cause he's only there in the first place because the Spanish Embassy called him there to give his service to the diplomats over there.

Also,I joined grindr not to look for relationship,at least not yet,cause I don't think I'm ready. My plan is to further postgraduate study to UK/Aus/Canada and migrate there,then only I'll look for relationship. It is hard to have a healthy relationship in Malaysia if you have to be in discreet like forever! And I get that life doesn't always go with our plan,and sometimes we are given opportunities at the most unpredicted time.

If you've already read all this way,I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

My question is,what should I do? Should I take the risk? How do I even take the risk to begin with?

Also,is it normal to contact some one you just met online like,every day? I mean,I keep thinking about him,and he makes me nervous when I waited for him to reply,and I don't know,it's hard not to fall in love with him,but it's crazy to think that I have already fallen in love with some one I haven't even met in real life. I don't want him to think of me as being persistence or clingy,but he did mention he's very shy initially and he needs a very persistent guy to date him,lol.

Thank you for your time.

[AlfredM]

I'm also a very shy person,so I don't think I can keep being the only one who's persistent enough to maintain this 'relationship' (I don't know what we are,lol).

P/S: I forgot to add that he's a catholic,but he doesn't drink (because it's bad for skin in his words) and hate pork. I think that's very rare for a Christian. O.O And that fit with my Muslim dietary requirement.

[southbiochem]

Well, first of all, welcome back mile:

Second of all: "Spanish from Spain".....that made me laugh a bit

there are no other type of Spanish, sir,...I don't think any country offers the Spanish nationality other than Spain...


Third:

I get distance is a bitch but you should at least try to meet him once..

first thing you need to ask him if you consider him to be relationship material, is how long is he staying in the Philippines, cause if he's moving back to Spain he will become even more unavailable.

If you are not sure and you have your own set of plans for life, then I don't see it feasible to go serious with him, unfortunately..

unless he plans to go to US or UK too..

in that case if you're both serious about it, then you need to consider that takes a heck of a lot of commitment

Are you ready to plan your life to match his?

Ask yourself that and depending on what the answer is you will not whether to pursue this or not

[AlfredM]

Hi southbiochem,thanks for replying. Haha,the word Spanish got me confused on the context of language or nationality. :tongue:

Anyway,I've asked him how long is he gonna be in Philippines,and he gave me a vague answer of "for a long time".

I believe he is a relationship material,but I doubt I am yet that level. I just figured out what I'm feeling is infatuation,or 'puppy love' in another word if it happens to teenagers,only in this case,this will be my first time to actually pursue a relationship,so I am on the same level of a teenager right now,LOL. :O

As for commitment and matching our life,those are definitely needed to be addressed for the longer term,but I do need to meet him first If I am to decide anything.

Again,thanks for your wise words.

[Evan88]

Hello, so the Spanish doctor and I are on the same country :eek: i must find him. Jk.

I never really tried those online dating thingy, oh no, just once, out of boredom..but i deleted the account.

Anyway, I guess when it comes to online dating, you have to rethink and rethink taking away the feelings involved. Yeah it's hard but you should use your mind first with these situations cause it's online and the person on the other line might be lying.

I just wanna know what happened to the skype conversation, was it a cam chat? Like you saw him in motion? Or you just saw a picture of him? Well if it was a cam, then good then he must be real. But if just a picture, and you already consider meeting him up, then i highly doubt.

I guess you have to communicate with him more, its not that easy to decide on such matters, because its quite a long distance...what if you'll go here then no one is really waiting? That would be really devastating.

So yes, communicate with him, until you can already trust him fully that you are willing to take the risk. You will really never know if you wont take risk and at least try. But like what i said, think think think...many times before taking an action. Goodluck!

[AlfredM]

Haha,good luck finding him cause he only goes out to his work and his apartment cause in his words, "it's so dangerous here,there are thieves everywhere". LOL JK.

Well,to be fair,I didn't try grindr to find a relationship,but things happen anyway. I skyped with him using video camera,so I could see that he's the real thing. And since he's miles away,it doesn't make sense if he's lying to get into my pants,although sometimes people lie for no reason. Yeah,I'm gonna continue to communicate with him. That's the key to any relationship after all.

Anyway,I have confronted him about what are we,and then we discussed about the possibility of a long distance relationship. He wants it. So do I. We're gonna meet in December because that's when he has his leave,and he's willing to come anywhere I will be at the time as I might be furthering my study in UK or elsewhere by December,but the point is,he's willing to match his life with mine,and I him.

But the thing is,I have no experience in any relationship before. I have had infatuations twice,but never try to pursue the relationship as I wasn't ready. So he suggested that I try to have a relationship with some one else first and tell him how I feel. That sounded weird and wrong to me at the same time. I mean,he's the one I want to have a relationship with,what good would it bring if I have a relationship with some other guy?

We're gonna talk again tonight,and I am gonna tell him how I feel in clarity. I like him before I was even infatuated with him. What initiated the infatuation was the flirt session after our skype session,cause I didn't expect he would find me attractive to the point of wanting to date me. And I want to end the infatuation stage and move on to finding the reality of the love stage. That's why I confronted him,to let the reality kicks in.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Accept the long distance relationship for what it is. A friendship where you can discuss all those personal things that you would never discuss with anyone else

Meet him in December. Really? Thats like 10 months away. My guy feeling is that if he has said he can't meet you until December, then just be careful he's not pulling you along. Even Doctors get time off for good behaviour, and having to wait 10 months seems like bullish!t to me. I mean Manila and Malaysia are practically next door to each other.

Just go with the flow, but don't pressure him or he may feel too controlled, even from a distance.

Good Luck.

ObW
X

[AlfredM]

Yeah,I suppose I'm gonna take your advice. Not that I can't do long distance,but he's too good to be true and I can't make sure if he's any of those till I meet him. Also he's asking for too much,at least to me. He said he's looking for some one who's willing to just say "Fuck it! I'll be with you" without thinking of the consequences,right from the beginning of the relationship. He's such a hopeless romantic,and that's very impractical,but if that's what he's looking for,I guess I'm not that guy. I could be impractical for my loved one,but not when I'm not even sure of him,and certainly not that early in the relationship. =/ So we ended things and agreed to be friends.

Thanks for all the advice,just wanna put an end to this thread.

[Chris]

Second of all: "Spanish from Spain".....that made me laugh a bit

there are no other type of Spanish, sir,...I don't think any country offers the Spanish nationality other than Spain...

I disagree. I know Polish girl from Italy and Italian guy from Poland but I'm Polish from Poland. So Spanish from another country is also possible :tongue:.

[Evan88]

Sorry, just saw your reply....

Anyway, if that is the case that you would be meeting on December, then I guess just go with the flow, just be balanced on taking this kind of relationship.

It is quite possible that he can only meet you up on December since doctors here can be really busy. And I have to say to ObW, that there are really few doctors here if you will take into account our population. We are 98 Million people already and if the Spanish doctor is doing this for some charity or what not, he might be really busy all through out the year...December would be really his time to have a vacation since it's Christmas..

Anyway as for mamza, just go with the flow, be into him but at the same time don't get too attached. Like be open to possibilities. Don't idealize too much this thing going on you, and yeah don't expect too much..

Just continue communicating with him and see where it would lead the both of you...

good luck!

PS. Actually i just went to Malaysia last January, nice place huh. And there are lots of promos from Manila to KL, he might be just really busy