I'm 24 this year and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years already. He's in his 40s and I feel that age does not matter and should not be a factor to consider in love. During our first year, I knew it was love that lives in my feeling. We do lots of things together, but as time passes by, I've become unsure if love continues to exist as I develop a feeling of gratefulness instead. My boyfriend himself, seems like a mentor to me; he is the one who encourages me to go back to school since that I struggle looking for jobs, and also taught me lots of things in life. He tells me like almost everything I have missed in life and now I feel that I am so much mature than I used to be. I am the one who calls for the split since that this relationship is not purely love but more of a mentor-mentee relationship. I became even clearer of the split after I met someone from a trip, who gave me a different kind of feeling, something I have yet experienced, and yes a good one. I wouldn't admit that the person I met was the cause of the breakage, but made me realize that I have to move on. The person I met was not better looking than my boyfriend, not even had a better behavior than his. Yet he did give me a good time during my trip. My current situation is that I still think about him as much as my boyfriend; I like them both. How to make this shared-relationship to work? I asked them both about this question and need not for me to tell the answer. How will this work if you share your love with 2 people equally? I don't want to leave my boyfriend and at the same time don't want to give up the long distance relationship.
Tell me what you think.
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you were part or are part in an asimetrical relationship, and it's not rare cause of the difference in the amount of life experiences
the whole mentoring thing was more of a parental love thing altough it might have begun as a couple's love it developed to a mentor kind of thing..
if you keep viewing it like this, then you can't be romantically with him, or not fully..
if you can manage to get pass that (cause the asimetry will be there always) and return to the couple love then you can keep that relationship. It may be easier to do now, seeming as you are becomin more mature yourself.
If not, then go for the other guy, but there is no need to not remain friends with the first
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You love them both it seems, which is normal considering what's happened.
Seeing as offering any form of judgement here isn't beneficial, I would perhaps ask that you take a break from your current boyfriend, and try going out with your new romantic interest. It sounds like you have a lot of issues with your relationship, and I think that time away might help you decide what you want. Note that your boyfriend will move on if the break is too long; and things may not be the same afterwards.
The other solution is discussing the possibility of an open relationship, which will be hit or miss depending on your boyfriend's views on relationships.
Good luck with identifying what you need in a relationship, and on your boundaries and limits. As a last note, your (older) boyfriend seems to have fulfilled his supporting role in the relationship very adeptly, which is something that is rarer than you may have been led to believe. Consider this carefully.
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Sounds more like you are poly (open relationships are different)
I guess the question is more, how would you feel if your other partners also had other partners?
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Good question from undreamt...perhaps imagining either one or both of them had another man they also loved ...how would you feel about it? I think answering that will give you additional perspective and maybe help you answer your own question...or raise even more...never a bad thing.
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Thank you for your comments and participation. I thought about leaving my boyfriend and move onto another relationship, but there's not turning back once decided. I still love my boyfriend even our love has turned into a mentor-mentee relationship. I get the stability and comfort from him; and it seems to me that there's no negativity at all. Yet, my heart tells me to try with the person I met. I'm skeptical about how far we can get, there's no assurance. Once that I might realize that my boyfriend is the right one, it is too late. It's hard... I'm comparing a 3-years relationship with a 3 weeks.
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May I ask you how you would feel if your boyfriend said yes to an open relationship?
The reason I am bringing this up is because some open relationships can become very messy when Jealousy starts creeping in.
Good luck to you in whatever you decide, we are all here for you.
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On my end having a 2-ways relationship, both of them wouldn't feel comfortable. I don't think I will be comfortable to see my boyfriend have another person by his side. I know, I find myself selfish in this situation. If he ever leaves me and stays with another person, I still hope that he has a place for me in heart. Maybe I have found the answer and should let go, I just couldn't accept the reality.
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Indecision
