Memories of an old love

[ringround]

Every relationship I've been in except for one, ended up in a heart break due to the fear of what others would say, think, or the consequences. I had two secret relationships in the military that never went as far as eye contact, under cover dates as "buddies" and drunken midnight make out sessions. It might not mean much to anyone but it meant a lot to me, more than it should. Before that I was very closeted and masked my feelings with anger and violence, so I never was in a relationship that meant anything other than trying to be someone I was not. And the first time I was held and kissed by him in the dark, was the first time I felt alive. The first time it gave me a new meaning to life but that moment was short lived, don't tell don't ask policy. After our training was complete we were going to separate duty stations. Before I left, I met with him one last time early on a Sunday. It was fall and the leaves were starting to change colors. I stood outside sitting in the gazebo, and I remembered thinking that maybe this won't be the last time we see each other but I knew it was. I watched him walk in my direction, as he walked up the ramp to the gazebo, he gave me a quick smile and quickly glanced down. We greeted each other but other than that we didn't say much. We smoked a cigarette and when it came down to the last puff, it was time to say good-bye. He wrapped his arms around me and I did the same to him. I held back tears while trying to enjoy this moment that we knew would eventually come. I waited till he said he loved me before I let go. I grabbed my bags and went towards the gate... He called me once on my leave and we casually talked about our plans. When I think about it, I still miss him and it makes me think about the "what if's". But everything happens for a reason and I wish him well where ever he is at.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

We have a few veterans on the site who will understand the sentiment of your story.

I was in the British military for 20 years. We never had the DADT policy, for us it was caught and you will be discharged and imprisoned.

At least you had that moment under the gazebo, which will last a lifetime

Ah the good old days....not.

ObW
X

[Woollyhats]

This made me sad...Does it have to be over?

Could one of you maybe take a civilian job and one stays in the military and see each other on leaves or whatever? I say it like that just because I feel like your breaks from the military would probably conflict otherwise... I have no military expereince or living family members in the military, so I'm not sure how it works... but I feel like you don't have to tell anyone about your personal life.

He of course would have to be fine with it.

Sorry if this just annoys you in whatever situation you're in; I just wish I could help you in some way.

The gazebo part of your story was beautiful. I hope you have another story someday with a happy ending...

[southbiochem]

I believe not all is lost.

You can still find yourselves meeting again.

Why don't you keep in contact, within your possibilities?

Today even the Military is becoming more accepting.

[ringround]

This made me sad...Does it have to be over?

Could one of you maybe take a civilian job and one stays in the military and see each other on leaves or whatever? I say it like that just because I feel like your breaks from the military would probably conflict otherwise... I have no military expereince or living family members in the military, so I'm not sure how it works... but I feel like you don't have to tell anyone about your personal life.

He of course would have to be fine with it.

Sorry if this just annoys you in whatever situation you're in; I just wish I could help you in some way.

The gazebo part of your story was beautiful. I hope you have another story someday with a happy ending...

I'm sorry it made you sad, this happened about 5 years ago. I felt like writing it because I had a dream about him recently. I'm out of the military now but I don't know about him, I've lost all contact with him, so I don't even know how he is doing or where he is. Thanks again for posting.

[Maverick]

Time for a Google search... find that guy, re-connect, if even as a friend, because he understands how and what you're going though.

[CellarDweller]

Yes! Google search, Facebook search, you never know!

[MisterTinkles]

[ringround]

Time for a Google search... find that guy, re-connect, if even as a friend, because he understands how and what you're going though.

I'ved tried google and facebook but he doesn't go on there. I remember asking some mutual friends of his how he was doing but they said that he was "alright". I even tried yellow pages of where he lived at.. its all good. I just want to think him for all the memories, I've moved on except when I look at old pictures or I hear his favorite song on the radio