TonyAndonuts Wrote:I'm not a very social person. All my life I've kept to myself and didn't want to interact with anyone else because all I saw around me were a bunch of loud and obnoxious morons. I've been trying to change that lately and be more social, but for the most part I still spend most of my time alone in my dorm room surfing the web or playing video games. Now, I do want a relationship. I really do. I'm 22 years old and never kissed anyone, I should probably step it up. But the thing is, I don't even know where I'd start, especially since now I'm interested in finding a guy too.
Where to start??
How about starting by getting off your computer and out of your room?
Go out and meet some people. Join a club. LGBT is fine, but ANY club will do. Male, female, gay, straight, don't be picky at this point. You need to get used to being around people. Some of them are loud and obnoxious because that's how they get over their insecurities. After you get past the surface, you may find some real gems.
Get used to being social. Develop some friendships. You can't jump right from being a hermit into a relationship. You need to learn how to interact with other people first. Once you have some friends and are a little more social, then maybe you'll want to test the waters. Try a little flirting. Again, don't worry about male / female, although with the males, you'll need to figure out ways to do it very subtly.
This whole transition will probably take at least a year, maybe more. Don't rush it. Don't think about where you're going. Just enjoy where you're passing through. And don't be too surprised if some guys or girls start coming on to you. That will be the time to try and figure out which you like better.
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Hmm... Well, some lgbts definitely exist. I googled your city and dating, and found some online profiles, so I would not give up all hope of ever finding other gay people.
The best way to find lgbt people to date is to find them period, so you might as well start making friends with some of them. Joining lgbt groups at your school in particular will help.
I would not honestly recommend Grindr or anything like that, just because you could end up diseased, taken advantage of, or hypersexual - but on the same token, that decision is one you have to make. If you do use casual sex apps, you will most likely find someone eventually.
Also, while trying to make lgbt friends and to become established in lgbt groups, you can supplement real life by making a few online dating profiles on sites like compatible partners, etc. While I wouldn't bet on it, sometimes (and increasingly) people do find love online.
Also; if you put off the vibe that you're straight, many lgbts will steer clear of you. To minimize this, you could say you're interested in a variety of people, will date whoever you fall for, are bi-curious, or don't want to be labelled. This will probably come up in one way or another.
Anyway, I'm sure it'll work out well...good luck
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You wouldnt say "how do i know im straight if ive had no experience"
Tonyandonuts your a bisexual or gay man, its ok.
My advice about dating is go dating, if you find somebody you like, online maybe, ask them for a date, if they say " I dont know you well enough" you say "Thats why i want a date"
Or just meet for sex, you,ve seen that other thread from grinder, woof.
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Like finding a good job, it really requires networking to find a good mate/partner.
In truth your 'confusion' over your sexuality is going to stymie you on anything like a relationship, most guys who have been around the block shy away from 'in the closet' fellows because we all know just how horrific that relationship can be.
Many gay guys refuse to do 'Straight' men (wink wink). There are many, many, many 'straight' men looking for discreet encounters - most are married, have kids, have a job and are in their 40's - all are different shades of sad....
"I'm confused" isn't going to go far to find you a decent fellow, a guy who will treat you right. You may be able to get a lot of 'just sex' encounters if you play the virgin card right.
I think you have a basic understanding that Sex and Relationships are two vastly different experiences.
A one night stand has no commitment, and lets face it as long as you are disease free you're a good fuck - no matter how messed up in the head you are. No commitment, I won't have to see you the next day, I won't have to fit my life into your messed up world. So go, be a nut case and be happy, just as long as tonight I get off (maybe you too - IDK, don't care either) and you don't try to kill me.
Relationships... You best better know what it is you want in life. No one is going to want to invest their heart to a person who doesn't know what they want. No one is going to take the risk of having their heart ripped out of their chest, thrown to the ground and then have the other jump up and down on that tender organ.
Your current 'I need to test the waters first before I decide....' attitude does not make you relationship material. The good fuck - maybe, the potential husband, no.
Being Gay or Bi is not just about sex, its about all of the other attending emotions and who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Its about other forms of intimacy, about cleaving your heart with that of another...
You asked: "Is my attraction to guys real or all in my head/penis?"
The simple answer is yes. However that applies to every human being who gets involved with another. Relationships are part of evolutionary drives to insure the survival of the DNA. Love of a lover is just so you can have lots of sex, procreate and stick with them when that parasite screams at 3 AM or vomits all over you or lays there demanding that you do everything for it (infants are the ultimate in selfishness).
So there is this whole social structure that has developed, with emotions designed to insure the survival of the DNA and all of that is a bio-chemical process which predominately takes place in the head. Yeah I know, when in love it feels like its coming from the chest - well it ain't, its all of these terrible chemicals mucking up the logic centers of your brain.
As for those lesbians, well go make friends with them. Lesbians often know of other gay men. Its networking.
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Dude, you described me on that first paragraph. Seriously. I only realized I'm bi (not curious) after I met a guy in college.
But answering your question (I'm getting this from my opinion and common sense, NOT personal experience), I think the first step to finding someone is putting yourself out there. It makes it hard for people to notice you if you don't... But you have to actually be bi and know it, because coming out is not easy and it makes no sense to do it if you're not sure enough.
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Thanks for all the advice guys. As for those dating apps, I checked out both Grindr and Hornet. I only found 3 people who seem to be from my school, although it could be more, but I can't tell because of the biggest problem I have with these apps. Every guy's "profile" is just a couple pictures of them (usually with their shirts off), their physical features, and an extremely brief (if it's even there at all) description of themselves which I get nothing from.
"hey"
"looking for friends to hang with, and maybe something more"
"bottom here"
"LOOKING FOR A MASCULINE GUY. NO FEMS. I WANT SOMEONE "NORMAL" LIKE ME."
"interested in meeting new people"
It's nothing like the dating sites where people are able to give long descriptions of themselves, explain their interests, hobbies, likes/dislikes, their faith, political views, whether they're a smoker or drinker, and all that good stuff. It's clearly designed for hook ups. A few of you did make a point that I'm probably not ready for a relationship, but I also don't think I wanna do a one night stand either. It seems so...dirty. Even though I am mostly curious if I'd even like being with a guy to begin with, a big part of me doesn't want to do a one nighter because it goes against my own morals that sex and kisses and whatnot should be something special. Maybe if I'm horny enough I won't care...
I'll probably just try making more friends first. I'm not completely friendless, I have a good friend I hang out with every weekend, but I guess you can never have too many...right?
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The thing is a one night stand can lead to more and a one night stand can be special, providing your being carefull and you like this person. Its no more dirty that what the guys do in the porn you like tonyandonuts
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Ask friends if they know any gay boys?
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^That would probably require me telling them I'm bi-curious, which I'm not ready to do just yet...
On another note, I did find out that my school has a coming out/being out support group and LGBT club. I went to the support group out of curiosity and meet some people and I'll probably check out the LGBT club next. So...yeah...baby steps.
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I am also a college student and I have the same problem. The more tragic thing is I am in China, but I like American guys. I can not even meet them face to face in reality. I can only use Internet to get to know them, But which kind of guy would develop a relationship only through internet with me. People says gay relationship is based on sex. I am really hopeless.
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