Unsure boyfriend :(

[EJ13]

First of all, Im new here! Also, Im from Puerto Rico! Well, I just wanted to share what happened to me yesterday... I've been depressed since.

We started dating two months ago now (Im 20 and he is 18). We are like really good friends and bfs at the same time, its a cute thing. I love him with all my heart, I feel I fell in love with him and I could say its the first time I've really fell in love. On the last date, he was telling me how much he loves me, that I've been the best with him (he even wrote me a love letter), we kissed a LOT (I've never kissed for that long with someone before) and the way he looks at me made me see that he really loves me. Then we, did something more that night (hj) and I enjoyed it and he seemed to enjoy it too.

Yesterday (3 days after our last date), he started talking about "What if"s. "What if something happen between us, how would things turn out? Would we still be friends? Would we still hang out?" Stuff like that. I found that rather strange to bring stuff like that. So I dug deeper and made him tell me what has happened. He first mentioned that we live somewhat far (like 2 hours away, which is nothing for me) and blah blah blah. I somehow knew it was something else. Then he brought the thing that he is bottom and I then knew what happened. I'm 4.7" long and he thinks that it wont work out because he is a bottom. That he loves me, and that he doesnt know what to do. Thats when I told him we should end this right now, since he is so unsure. He started crying because he loves me, dont want to leave me, that he hasnt been with someone as caring and great as me (thats what he says), that we are meant to each other. I feel so depressed... I thought he loved me. But stereotypes of him being bottom, broke what we had. He still cries, and wants to still be friends with me but I'm not sure I want to. That very same night I asked him if he wanted to be my bf and he said "yes" with no hesitation. I just don't get him... I really love him

So, this is how things will turn out for me... I won't ever find someone. Everything will work out just fine until sex, because I'm not well endowed. I just... :'(

Can someone give me advice? Help?

[Edward]

He's only 18, that's very young. Guys at his age often are not sure what they really want.

I don't really understand the issue of him being bottom. What's stopping him from becoming top?

It seems to me that he's just looking for reasons to quit you. You might love him, but I doubt he loves you. It's possible that he feels some kind of affection that he calls love.

[EJ13]

He's only 18, that's very young. Guys at his age often are not sure what they really want.

I don't really understand the issue of him being bottom. What's stopping him from becoming top?

It seems to me that he's just looking for reasons to quit you. You might love him, but I doubt he loves you. It's possible that he feels some kind of affection that he calls love.

I take that he mentioning of him being bottom, refers that he probably wanted a big sized boyfriend which to me its very inmature of him and shows me that he didnt REALLY love me at all and thats what hurts me the most. Hard to swallow... so it's probably the truth. I don't understand why would he look for reasons when he kept telling me that he loves me and made me feel like he did... He was unsure and when I asked him if we should end our thing, a moment of silence and lots of pauses made me break up with him. But still, he wants to keep seeing me and stay as friends (which I understand bc we click), but I dont want to level myself to that. Im just very very sad... he was my first boyfriend.

[Evan88]

Hi, first and foremost, welcome to GS.

Sorry to hear about the whole situation and dilemma you are having right now.

He may really love you, but as I can see it, the love he has for you is not that thorough cause he is being affected by a minor thing about yourself. I might not understand where he is coming from since i am really inexperienced with the whole anal thing, but for me, it is just shallow and immature. Ok, maybe it wont give him much satisfaction when having intercourse, but is the relationship just all about that? Every relationship needs acceptance...cause there will always be a good bad and ugly thing about your partner. If you really love someone then you will accept and swallow all of those things.

Since he prefers someone who has bigger size, i guess it would really be an issue in the future if you would still stay with him. Not that I am saying you should break up with him, but it would most probably lead there given both of your age.

Hence, both of you are young, 20 and 18? A lot of things might still happen in both of your lives. Why wont you ever find someone else? You will for sure. Maybe not now, not next year, but for sure there will be a man for you who would accept everything about you; who wouldn't be bothered with what you have and you don't have.

Look for a man who will accept your totality. All the best!

[justbry87]

Hii and Welcome to GS~

I think he just made up a reason to break it off with you. He buttered you
up and once he got what he wanted, he decided to decided to call it quits.

If he really broke it off with you because of your size then you don't want
to be with someone like that. That is a lame excuse that a lot of people use
to hurt a guys feelings/confidence.

If I were you just break any communication with him, you don't need to spend
any more of your mind and energy on someone like that.

I hope this help~

[EvenOlderButWiser]

to GS EJ.

He's 18, and i bet he's basing all his fears on the gay porn he's been fantasying over for the last few years. Everyone does!

Only real life isn't like that, which he has yet to find out.

If bottoming is such an important thing for him, ask him why?

And if it really is a make or break thing for him you have two options, buy him a "toy" to try
Or find a new bf.

Simples.

Good Luck,
ObW
X

[EJ13]

Hi, first and foremost, welcome to GS.

Sorry to hear about the whole situation and dilemma you are having right now.

He may really love you, but as I can see it, the love he has for you is not that thorough cause he is being affected by a minor thing about yourself. I might not understand where he is coming from since i am really inexperienced with the whole anal thing, but for me, it is just shallow and immature. Ok, maybe it wont give him much satisfaction when having intercourse, but is the relationship just all about that? Every relationship needs acceptance...cause there will always be a good bad and ugly thing about your partner. If you really love someone then you will accept and swallow all of those things.

Since he prefers someone who has bigger size, i guess it would really be an issue in the future if you would still stay with him. Not that I am saying you should break up with him, but it would most probably lead there given both of your age.

Hence, both of you are young, 20 and 18? A lot of things might still happen in both of your lives. Why wont you ever find someone else? You will for sure. Maybe not now, not next year, but for sure there will be a man for you who would accept everything about you; who wouldn't be bothered with what you have and you don't have.

Look for a man who will accept your totality. All the best!

He doesnt want us to break up but he does at the same time, so I'll just make this easier for both and end our thing... Oh well... If that really is THAT important for him over "our love" then so be it. This is so hard.

[justbry87]

Have him sit on that.

[EJ13]

Hii and Welcome to GS~

I think he just made up a reason to break it off with you. He buttered you
up and once he got what he wanted, he decided to decided to call it quits.

If he really broke it off with you because of your size then you don't want
to be with someone like that. That is a lame excuse that a lot of people use
to hurt a guys feelings/confidence.

If I were you just break any communication with him, you don't need to spend
any more of your mind and energy on someone like that.

I hope this help~

I just wouldnt understand a reason to break off with me, bc of how he treated me. I think the main thing was the size, just because it seems it matters a lot to him. He said that we could still hang out and talk -_- which I consider bullshit! I will take your idea to break communication w him. Than you!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Penis pump, fisting, dildoes, strap ons... If he wants to be stretched out there are many ways to accomplish that goal.

You said he said:

"What if something happen between us, how would things turn out? Would we still be friends? Would we still hang out?"


Seriously, you should have accepted that the issue was the whole 'what happens when we break up?' because THAT is really the issue for him. This bottom thing, the small dick, etc is what YOU pushed him to talk about.

I have a sneaky suspension that his being a bottom or your dick size is not the real issue. You didn't accept what he wanted to talk about and I have a suspicion you pressed him into talking about other things, things that were not on his mind.


"I take that he mentioning of him being bottom, refers that he probably wanted a big sized boyfriend which to me its very inmature of him and shows me that he didnt REALLY love me at all and thats what hurts me the most."

So he didn't say 'your dick is too small' - this is something you decided to infer from his saying 'I am a bottom'.

It may be something else altogether different.

IF he is masculine it may be he has a hard time accepting that he is a bottom because he feels like he has to girl it up in order to fit the expected behavior patterns.

Maybe he has been with other guys and due to his dick size or his behaviors he has been forced to play the role of a top and he is worried that your small dick or something else may mean he will be shoved, once again, into the role of top.

As a masculine gay male who prefers to be on the bottom, I can tell you many a tale of how wanna be hook-ups want me to play the top role. I have had guys walk up to me and insist I'm really a top and that I should just be the top forever and ever. I attract bottoms like honey attracts bees... And few tops actually give me a second glance.

All because I refuse to swish, lisp or snap my fingers.... No all because our gay culture follows a very narrow view on what is and is not expected from guys and what their behavior means. This is why I suspect that a lot of nelly queens out there have adopted girly mannerisms - an affectation - in order to get what they want in bed and with a man not because they are actually effeminate.

I'm certain that there are a lot of other various potentials that being a bottom could mean to him.

You didn't even say what your preferred role in bed is. Are you a bottom? If so it may be the equation that two bottoms don't make a top that perturbs him. Your dick size is not the issue, your being a helium heels bottom may be....

I suspect that you are overly conscious of your lack of endowments and have decided to take what he said an interpret it into your own world view. He is 18, fresh to this adult world and all he knows is what has been whispered (ok screamed) on school playgrounds and he most likely is working with a huge library of stereotypes and most likely has a great deal of concern that in order to be a 'bottom' there are certain expectations of him for that role - expectations based on the stereotypes he has heard, and not what he really is as a man.

Unless he comes right out and says 'your dick is too small' you can not and should not interpret what he says to mean that.

I strongly suggest you go back and talk to him and ask him what the initial problem was - because most likely his real concern was and is what he initially said. YOU are the one who wasn't satisfied with that, even though most people would actually spin on losing what they already have by taking a risk for more which since most lovers type relationships do fail is a reasonable concern.