Just feeling terrible, possible depression?

[havikryan]

thanks austin, I do sure hope it goes over someday.

Well for now I have to use anti depressant pills and see if it in any way makes the situation better, if not, or if I feel it getting worse in any way I will have to return immediately to the doctor.

[starbelly]

I get where the OP is coming from, I felt exactly like this when I was nineteen/twenty— literally suicidal. I was extremely lonely and depressed. Then I had a bunch of really traumatic near-death stuff happen to me between twenty-one and twenty-two and I kind of let it go after that just because I had no choice but not to.

I'm still apathetic toward a lot of things from time to time and have trouble striving for optimism in life, but I'm not suicidal anymore. Still occasionally depressive, but it's not as severe or constant as it was. Most of my depressive breakdowns have had to do with being lonely and having poor self esteem, never had a boyfriend, blah blah blah.

The only advice I have for you is to find distractions (preferably healthy ones) and hope for the best. Some people are just depressive by nature, and I can relate being one of them myself. The only thing that has helped me is precisely those distractions, whatever that may be. I think part of the reason I've buried myself in college is because of this. I love what I study, no doubt, but I think that subconsciously the reason I've continued my education is because it gives me something to work on that distracts me from being too lonely or wallowing or what have you. Rather than feel sorry for myself, I'm at least doing something constructive with my time.

[havikryan]

Update.

2-3weeks ago I told my school I think I've got depression shortly afterwards on the same day I told my parents, also told them I gotten pills from visiting the doctor and apparently me getting these pills without any diagnosis was dangerous so I stopped taking them.

Today I will be going to a psychiatrist, now just to see if it's actually depression or something else.

[Tyrion]

Havik, it's good to hear that you're seeking help for your depression.

In response to your replies in this thread, I can REALLY relate to what you're saying. Although I don't have autism, I am very socially awkward around people I'm unfamiliar with. I've always had a really hard time knowing what to say in conversation, and often feel like I'm going to say something stupid or completely uninteresting. Just as you said, my conversations are generally short and die off -- that is, if I don't avoid starting them all together. I also have a lot of nervousness and anxiety, so I think I get where you're coming from. It can make things really difficult..

I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone lately, no matter how nervous or anxious I may feel, and in a way I think it's helping. I think the best way to combat that feeling of anxiety is to engage with others and put yourself out there, regardless of how you feel. I know that probably doesn't help much.. but the only way you can get to know people is to talk to them. My only suggestion with that is relax and try not to think so much. Small talk is a great way to get to know someone.. even if starts out with something as lame as something like the weather.

I don't know if any of that is encouraging or helps, but I see a lot of myself in what you're describing. The only difference is that I've never been suicidal. That in itself is a whole other issue, and you definitely need to talk to someone about that (which you are). I wish you the best of luck and if you need anyone to talk to you know we're all here for ya .

[havikryan]

@tyrion,

I've been trying to push myself as well just like you, difficult though, maybe I can start meeting people,more easily when I've got a dog.

Well the psychiatrist said it's most likely not depression but just autism making everything worse somehow, will have another appointment tomorrow but then with people who understand autism.