Coming out.

[princealbertofb]

I think it must have been either 20 or 21... I was out to a few friends but made an announcement at a leadership function. That was really, really weird - coming out to a very large group.

How about you PA? you may have said before but I cant recall...

I guess it was about 3 years ago? maybe 4? I needed to tell my mum. Marshlander was already my partner / boyfriend, so that would have made me 45/46 (I had actually told my mother many years before that I'd been going out with Chris from Chicago and she didn't want to hear anything of it, then while my brother was dying she asked me if I was gay, and at the time I did not have the courage to own up to it, having no boyfriend or relationship with anyone to justify such a statement, but I had admitted it to myself a long time before) That's a long winded story, sorry, guys.

[princealbertofb]

My mum would rather I am not gay, but as I am, she accepts and even goes as far as asking if I fancy some boys I see out and about, which is bizzare and a bit :eek:

I think she's trying to understand... You might just tell her that you find the question irrelevant or unsettling for the moment. She could also understand.

[fjp999]

I guess it was about 3 years ago? maybe 4? I needed to tell my mum. Marshlander was already my partner / boyfriend, so that would have made me 45/46 (I had actually told my mother many years before that I'd been going out with Chris from Chicago and she didn't want to hear anything of it, then while my brother was dying she asked me if I was gay, and at the time I did not have the courage to own up to it, having no boyfriend or relationship with anyone to justify such a statement, but I had admitted it to myself a long time before) That's a long winded story, sorry, guys.

WoW... had NO idea.

Cant wait for that post

do you think your life would have been any different, mentally or other wise, if you had come out earlier?

[princealbertofb]

WoW... had NO idea.

Cant wait for that post

do you think your life would have been any different, mentally or other wise, if you had come out earlier?

Who knows?

[452]

It really wasn't any big triumph or weight lifted when I came out, I was out to one friend for a few months before I finally decided I was tired of keeping it a secret, 1) because I'm lazy and it was a hassle, and 2) because it really didn't bother me to have people know. So I came out to my friends, making sure to alert the ones who blab a lot first, to save me the trouble of hitting everyone with a personal, "Hey, I'm bi." sorta thing.

And I guess I only did that about a month ago, seems so long ago, though. I'm not out to the fam though, but I doubt me mom/dad/or dad's side of the family would mind, it probably wouldn't surprise them lol Somehow it was brought up at dinner once "What would your reaction be if one of us were gay?" my little brother asked and my dad said I wouldn't care, as long as you were happy. My mom's really easy going so she'd be all like.... "Oh, ok then. Does that mean we need to start looking for a man, too?" haha... And my dad's side of the family would hassle me about it, but just in good fun, we do that with everyone and everything.

My mom's side of the family, it probably wouldn't go over GREAT with. They wouldn't disown me, but they would be happy with it. You know, the whole, carry on the family, deal...

Oh, well, I'm just hogging this thread.... But the point I was GOING to make, was don't come out until you're sure you're ready...

[Shadow]

Coming out.
What does that actually mean? From reading it sounds bad and dissappointing, do I have to really Come out if I want to be happy or something? It obviously relative so...yeah.

I'm perhaps a little late coming to this thread as it's already been well-answered, but to me, "coming out" is the process of confirming for other people that you aren't heterosexual, so whether that means you're bisexual, gay or a lesbian or something else, it doesn't really matter - it's explaining to people that you're not what they probably think you are ... and dealing with the ramifications of that, both good and bad.

Nobody has to come out - being of a different sexuality is a very concealable thing if you choose to hide it ... but most people that choose to come out (and I speak from experience when I say this) do find that their quality of life ultimately improves as a result, because they don't feel like they are lying or concealing the information from their friends and loved ones, and they are able to finally stand on their own two feet because of it, and earn some respect for themselves, and from other people, for it.

Decision? Isnt it just if your gay your gay? well for male's but not for females?
And my mom, she knows or waiting? I dont want to hurt my mother...or any tension between her.

Yup, it is very much that, but ... take me for example - very few people thought I was gay - they thought I was quiet and nerdy and a bit of a recluse ... so they assumed I was straight, and for years and years I put up with all the questions "are you courting yet ? Isn't she fit I'd love to do her ... bla bla bla bla bla" until ultimately it got to me to the point where I felt like I was lying to the people I loved, and to myself, and I had to straighten it out ... it was one of the best moves I've ever made, hands down (even if it was terrifying at the time !).

Also Im not sure which kinda wacks me up :confused:

That is the most significant aspect of your post ... if you're not certain of your own sexuality, then there's no point (in my mind) in going through the rigmorol of coming out ... it's kinda embarrassing to "come out" as being a homosexual, say, and then change your mind, 'coz by then people will start to identify you as a homo, and it just confuses people ...

... better to get it straight in your own mind before taking the plunge with the coming out issue methinks ...

... so do you perhaps want to talk about in what way you're not sure about your sexuality ?? mile:. That would seem like a good place to start ...

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[marshlander]

As expected, some great responses already. I was around forty by the time I began to face up to coming out to myself. Accepting that was difficult enough. Spreading the news was more difficult, but once I opened the floodgate a little I went through a stage of not being able to keep it to myself any longer. Once I could do that the fear left me and I was free to be me at last.

At your age, Huike, it's possible you may genuinely not know for sure. Don't rush into it. It's your news (or not). You come out if and when you are ready.

All the best

[sox-and-the-city]

At your age, Huike, it's possible you may genuinely not know for sure.

Agreed, that's definitely true most people may genuinely not know. By your age Huike, i'd already been out a year or so and if i could take that back and redo things i swear i'd do it without a second's thought. Wait a wee while at least, until your peers are better able to understand the concept of what sexuality really means.

xxx

[George]

Well coming out means telling people you are gay and it is hard.

[zeon]

Well coming out means telling people you are gay and it is hard.

Hi All,
I trhink it is hard because its fear of rejection but after its said the ball rolls and soon stops then life continues and u feel more happier and confident with a guy including introducing him to the family

kindest regards

zeon x