On the bright side there are potentials here....

[Woollyhats]

Your best chance is to find someone with the same sense of dry sarcastic humour as yourself, and who understands your irony.

I hate funerals bitterly and desperately hope my family will abide by my wishes when I die and not give me one. They make me angry/realize that after you die your friends and family are mostly going to visit your body for the food, and because they feel obligated to. While I'm not sure you'll be finding Mr. Right (weirder things have happened though), I hope it's mostly painless for you.