Dating someone recently out

[Donbama]

I have been dating a guy about 7 months that is recently out. He is 33. He has been dating girls his entire life prior to me. I am the first guy he ever dated. We have been living together for about a month now.

My question is... Is it possible to be in a relationship with someone who recently came out? He is sexually attracted to others. I've went back and forth internally about an open relationship. The good news is he is always willing to do what makes me happy. The bad news is that deep down, I know he wants to fuck other guys. I also the extra curricular sex with him but I am not so keen on independent sexual hook ups.

I also travel for work and he spends time while I'm away focused on grindr. It's frustrating to see the amount of attention he gives to other guys. And even more so that it's not always just sexual conversation. He says it's cause this world is new to him and he is just curious. I'm just not sure I can be patient through his "transition".

Thoughts?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

My 84 year old, straight lady friend who has never used a computer, doesn't have a cell phone, was asking me about 'grounder' which once I corrected her that is Grind'r started a very long, and very uncomfortable conversation.

Anyways, she knew it wasn't used for real 'dating' that its used for 'dalliances' - Well that's the word I used, she used the term 'fuck around?' (I said the conversation was uncomfortable didn't I?)

Apparently, every old person in this halfway house to the nursing home (assisted living) - Imagine people around age 75-Death's Door Step know about 'grounder' which we all call Grind'r and what it is used for. And none use computer technology (that I'm aware of, but hey I already had one uncomfortable conversation there, I'm not aiming two any time soon).

IF they all know what Grind'r is about, then what is his excuse to be on Grind'r to learn about what 'the scene' really mean?



Consider this. He has repressed his sexual urges for 10+ years.
Obviously there is only one thing on his mind right now.
Concentrate on the issue at hand, look at it closely.
Knowing what grind'r is, you know what its about.



If it helps, sometimes the language people speak isn't so much side to side, but up an down.

You got that feeling as well.... Listen to your gut, you have all the information there. Perhaps you need to step back and look at what is going on to see that his interest is as plain and obvious as I wrote just a moment ago.

[747XL29]

Funny, I am so isolated I had never heard of it till joining here, which is actually fine by me, just not my style.

Technology....sheesh.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

The problem is that while he may physically be 33, as far as discovering his sexuality and actually acting on it, he might as well be a testosterone fuelled teenager.

He's suppressed his sexuality, and I assume his need to act on those urges for 10-15 years, now he wants to experience what he's been missing.

You should be prepared for some tough discussions, in particular now you are actually living together, you need to set down some guidelines around the relationship (you should have done this before you actually moved in together) That can include rules for a semi open relationship etc. If thats not for you , then Im afraid you may have bitten off more than you can chew with this one.

Good Luck.

ObW
X

[southbiochem]

Hmmmm..

anyone repressing his sexuality for that long will, I suppose, go on a sex rampage or at least would want to.

Problem is it may be you who will need to elighten him in what really goes on in his head..

Can you handle an open relationship? Is he mature enough to recognize he is in one?

[loserguy]

Yeah, it is like someone who has been in jail for a long time and may be just a bit restless in solitary confinement again.

You need to have a good heart to heart and examine your conscience to see if there is a future with him right now. Based on what he says and does only you can answer that.

Despite what he might tell you the evidence offers some insight into his line of thought. For me there would at best be a trust issue but then again I am glad it isn't!

[Ryocchi]

You know, I never understood this urge some men have to fuck everything they see once they come out of the closet.

But probably I'm the weird one.

[jogu656]

I agree with everyone, he is going to want to eat more than one ice cream now that he realized they are being handed out for free, good luck hope everything turns out for the best

[Cuddly]

It is perfectly possible to be monogamous even if you're newly out. If you've been hiding your true self for so many years, I can imagine you feel you have some catching up to do. Only thing you can do is to tell him what you want and point to the door if he disagrees. I hope things work out

[CellarDweller]

You know, I never understood this urge some men have to fuck everything they see once they come out of the closet.

I was the same way when I first came out, and I never went through a "whore phase".

My question is... Is it possible to be in a relationship with someone who recently came out? He is sexually attracted to others. I've went back and forth internally about an open relationship. The good news is he is always willing to do what makes me happy. The bad news is that deep down, I know he wants to fuck other guys. I also the extra curricular sex with him but I am not so keen on independent sexual hook ups.

It totally depends on the person. If he wants monogamy, then you can rest a little easier. You say he is sexually attracted to others.....if he has a 'kid in a candy store' mentality, then I'd be willing to bet he'll stray.

It could just be a timing issue......not now for the two of you, but later when he's gotten this out of his system.