in my eyes

[dfiant]

The reason's why I have left Gayspeak is because people hear what you are saying, but they don't LISTEN to what you are saying and then they run along and make assumptions about why this happened and why so-and-so did that. I'm sorry but my words do not have an ulterior motive, what I say is exactly what I mean, don't speculate what I might be saying because you are going to be wrong 100% of the time.

Gayspeak is a support/advice forum as people brilliantly likes to correct me on for no reason but to pump his own chest and make himself feel right even though I have NEVER said that Gayspeak IS NOT a support/advice forum because that is the pure intent of a forum.

The issue I have is that there are people with genuine problems, I can guarantee you that that is a given fact, even amongst you. The thing I can't comprehend is that a lot of younger people are replacing therapy with Gayspeak, they are burdening people with their problems and there are too many kind hearted people in Gayspeak who only want to help. They extend themselves beyond their capabilities.

Someone said 'not everyone has access to counselling or therapy'...prove that to be a fact please, because I have a hard time believing that to be true. What I in fact believe to be true is that some people are too lazy to want to actually fix their problems and seek advice through professional therapy and so they take the road of least resistance and end up on the Internet.

The fact is that even back in the 70s and 80s when even in Australia you could be murdered just for being gay, but you could always find counselling or therapy for sexuality and gender related issues.

The problem I have, and this is nothing new, I have always seen this as a problem...Too many times I see people come here and act all powerless and useless like the world is against them and they can't do anything so they might as well give up. A friendly Gayspeaker comes along and chats with you, tries desperately to help you and yet you still act like the world is against you and you are beyond help.

To me that IS attention seeking. Do you not understand how disheartening this is for the person that is trying to help you? Do you not understand that you are hurting the people that are trying to help you.

You know what, actually have a crack at helping yourself and guess what will happen? The world will be there to give you a hand through thick and thin.

Hide behind your problems and run away because 'OMG I just had a trigger and I am going to a new chat-room to be ALONE...who is coming?' is just plain selfish attention seeking. Get THERAPY, it is not hard to do and it is the right thing to do due to 2 reasons:

1) You will get the right help.
2) The person helping you is not a professional and cannot help you and in most cases will infact give you incorrect advice that could be harmful to not only yourself, but to them as well.

I have had my ups and downs in Gayspeak, that you have seen. What no one has seen is the people I have helped. I have spent countless hours chatting with dozens of friends I have made. I have listened to their problems, I have suggested options and supported them 100% in their endevours..why? Because they were helping themselves.

A lot of you only see the people as they chat in the chat-room or on the forums and then you just them on what you see. Very few of you actually stop and try to get to know people. You will meet different people if you stop being so judgemental and selfish and thinking your problems are worse than everyone else's and that the beautiful people in Gayspeak should be fixing your problems.

Each and every one of you is capable of something special. Each and everyone of you are capable of making decisions that will change your life. Each and everyone of you are capable of making mistakes, the measure of the person you are is not based on the mistakes you make, it is based on what you do when you make a mistake.

Right now I am seeing too many people hurting themselves and hurting those people that want to help them and I can't watch that happen any more. It's all over the forums and it is all over the chat-rooms, a lot of you don't see it because you are too involved with yourselves to see outside of your fabricated Internet life with your fabricated social, medical and psychological conditions that a lot of you have diagnosed yourself rather than getting a profession opinion and seeking the right sort of help.

Gayspeak is a support and advice forum that I believe to be an excellent tool that is being used for purposed for what is was not intended.

Gayspeak is a website for Gay, Lesbian, bi, gay friendly, transgendered, and all in between to come together and support and advise each other on day to day problems and issues, to come together and share our life experiences, to come together and share our love and appreciation for movies, actors, music and musicians, to come together and talk about smut and oral sex, to come together and just have fun, support and respect each other and walk away at the end of the day with a smile on your face.

Gayspeak is not an alternative to Counselling or therapy, we will support you through counselling or therapy.

Gayspeak is not a network of professional people that can diagnose mental illness or social anxiety disorders and treat your problems as if we are professional. That is an extremely dangerous expectation and a line that should not be crossed. You will get he wrong advice and the people who are trying to help you will be devastated for giving the wrong advice and could do something to themselves after being pushed beyond their breaking point with the knowledge they have hurt someone they are trying to help.

[Joshular]

Gayspeak is not an alternative to Counselling or therapy, we will support you through counselling or therapy.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!?

lol just so people got the message.
Good to see you back gayspeaking daz

[Ryocchi]

I do understand what you say, and have seen it as well, hope more people read this and realize it.

I've only post about my problems twice in the almost year I've been here, and people were nothing but helpful and kind, I've tried as the best of my capabilities to be of help as well, when I see a post that I can't add anything helpful to I refrain myself from posting.

[CellarDweller]

I think that people are slow to go to counseling, because there is still a stigma about it.

I honestly recommend counseling whenever you can get it. I went to a counselor for a few months after being dumped by a boyfriend, we were on different pages, I thought we were going to exchange rings, and he was looking for a way to say 'good-bye'.

After about 3-4 months of therapy, I felt so much better, and in fact, stopped going because the counselor said she felt she had done all she could for me, and that I was on the right path again.

There is nothing wrong with seeking help from a professional who can really help you. It can be empowering.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Personally I just think that people, especially the younger generation just expect the internet to provide answers to their problem on a 24x7 basis.

The other thing, as CellerD has mentioned, is that there is a stigma attached to counselling, even in todays world. Counselling is seen as a weakness by some, for others it may only be accessible if they come to terms with their sexuality, or inform parents/partner that they need to access such service. In addition of course we have a very international base of forum members, some of whom don't even have the option of counselling because of the stigma or laws in place that impact LGBT people.

Don't get me wrong Daz, I do get what you mean, and Ive seen a fair few of the type of posts that your referring to recently, the ones that scream attention seeker from the subject line.

The way to manage this is to force yourself to have some downtime from GS so that you don't feel the pressure to respond to everyone who makes demands on your time.

Perhaps an addition to the GS Forum rules needs to be added, so that all newcomers are aware of their own personal responsibilities and that existing Forum members give their own time freely but not to expect 24x7 responses from people.

ObW
X

[Woollyhats]

I think many don't understand how to attain counselling as in some places it costs money/some members come from rural places. Still though, increasingly schools have mental health services, charitiable organizations offer them, and LGBT support groups (usually lgbt groups at colleges and universities will allow people not from said college/university to join their group). The brain is an organ like the heart and professionals of the mind do deserve respect.

There's also a lot to be said about helping one self. Advice is given to a person to help show that person different ways of thinking or doing things, but we can't do anything for anyone. A counsellor can help one in helping themselves using tools like reflective listening, but they also can't step into a person's life and create change directly.

There are a lot of people who are difficult to help because they seem to have a "I can't be helped" wall up. Which isn't true...but also something we can't tear down.

[partis]

I see GS not so much as a support forum as just a forum for gays. The truth is most of the awnsers people seek is a human connection otherwise they could just go off and google their question or read a book… its not the same as a real life chat in real time

Its a shame we dont always get real life though…

[MisterTinkles]

Like you said, most of these are kids or young adults. They don't have the world concepts yet, so they still are living in their own little worlds. They can't "think outside the box", as it were. They don't think about counselors and psychologists being out there, or the free services they might offer.

They are limiting themselves to doom this way, but thats a part of growing up...learning from others on how to think different ways, take different paths, and learning what options they have, that they did not even realize they have!!!

Yes, SOME of these people just want you to feel bad for them, and say "oh, thats ok, I feel sorry for you", because they thrive on making people feeling bad for them. But from what I have seen so far, being on GS, there have only been two cases of that. And after being called out on that, neither one of those people are on here anymore. If they are, they sure as hell don't make threads anymore, wanting everybody to feel sorry for them.

Personally, I take what I can handle. I will use someone on here who had major home and personal issues when he got onto GS, as an example.

He was having a hard and difficult time, because he lives in the "boonies" and does not have close access to much. On top of that he has difficult family members he has to "control", as well as take care of. He pretty much lived for being a servant to them and his pent up emotional state.

After talking with him (along with a couple others on here) for a few months, he learned he has options. There are different ways of looking at his situations, as well as different paths he can take to get what HE wants out of life, instead of just being a live in servant to his family.

He finally took steps to put his life on the track HE wants it on. He still has is problems and issues, but he no longer wants to "end it all".....he wants to get out there in the world and learn things and go places.

If it weren't for GS, where would he be now?

People know this is not a professional site, nor that any of us are professionals. We are "real people", with a lot of the same problems, as well as older guys like us, who have been through it all before in one way or another.

When you are upset or confused, you are unable to see whats in front of your face. Sometimes it takes a stranger to point out whats right in front of you.

I can name names on here, of people who come to GS for answers, or at least a point in the right direction.......but I won't name names. We know who they are, because we are the ones who helped them along a different path. A path of many paths to life and learning, instead of the one self-destructive path they were on.

If I have to put up with a few whiners, bitchers, and moaners sometimes, who want nothing more than a "pity party", then so be it. Like any awesome teacher will tell you, "If I can help at least ONE person, then it's all worth it".

I can't give up on everybody just because of ONE lousy attention whore. My close friends never gave up on me when I was too much of a whiner. They kicked my ass and showed me different ways and different paths.

Granted, it does tend to get a bit "deep" on here with all the "help me" threads, but Im sure most of these people would not post something unless they were seeking alternatives to what little they are aware of.

People like YOU on here, because you are the "kick ass" part of us. You are the father who doesn't put up with shit. You kick us in the pants when we need it, and even if we think we don't deserve it, we know you would not have said anything unless you saw a need for it.


If you leave, well......WHO will kick us in our pants when we need it?

[partis]

Here in britain we don not speak to counsillers or therapists, its called a stiff upper lip… all that stuff is for namby pamby yankie types

Its the same as we never complain about food, like it can be awful and when they ask how it was we say "that was lovely"… anything to avoid a scene!

[MisterTinkles]

Here in britain we don not speak to counsillers or therapists, its called a stiff upper lip… all that stuff is for namby pamby yankie types

Its the same as we never complain about food, like it can be awful and when they ask how it was we say "that was lovely"… anything to avoid a scene!

Really?

Are you SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRREEEEEEEE???????


http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/region_190.html

http://www.goodtherapy.org/London-Therapy.htm