Thanks everyone

[southbiochem]

I am finding my body and my mind unable to do the 180 turns that I need to get back on track.

There is not such things as 180 turns, or at least, if possible, they're not adviceable.

Humans usually don't go well with change, let alone big, sudden change.

If you expect you will change everything right now, of course you'll feel defeated.

Take it slow, one step at a time, tackle one thing and then the next.

You're already doing a good thing if you're doing therapy.

Don't be afraid to get that help and then, work slowly to turn things around.

Give yourself the time you need to tackle what you think needs changing on a one-by-one basis.

It will be better for you as you will add little successes, one after the other, and you'll see how it will make you feel better.

[Drkmcnamara]

Everyone who matters irl is expecting that I do a complete 180 and it is just not possible.

[Drkmcnamara]

I could take it slow but those are suporting me right now won't be willing to have the patience for it. I have to go and find a job and it was so hard and took so Long for me to get accepted for my last one that I just...my mind is too overloaded right now and I just do not want to be forced into a position where I am going to have to take my own life. If things keep going the way they are going that is the decision I am going to be forced to make.

[ceez]

I don't need to be a big shot anything in life to have friends and lovers right? I keep thinking that I need to be this super successful person to be able to have friends, people that like me and lovers. Honestly living under that belief is what is totally tearing me down

be yourself and you will find people that like you for who you are.

[Drkmcnamara]

be yourself and you will find people that like you for who you are.

How am I supposed to believe that when I have told all of my life that with me that saying is going to be a load of crap?
I have been told my whole life that because I have aspergers that I can not be myself because who I am as a person is so deformed that the only hope for me to be liked and loved is if I emulated someone else and became super successful. That is why I am placing such a premium on being an overachiever because in my case I have too. I have constantly been told that because I have aspergers a lot of things in this life that would apply to everyone else would not apply for me. If I wanted to be loved I would have to make up for my aspergerness and was told that no one would love me if I was myself because who I am is tainted by an unsightly personality that is so alien that no one would want anything to do with it. I am trying so hard to be something I am not and it is not working. But I am so convinced that it is only way I can survive in this world that me not being able to and being in this position in my life is really distressing me. I wish I could just be me and live life on my terms but I can't exactly do that

[southbiochem]

Everyone who matters irl is expecting that I do a complete 180 and it is just not possible.

To hell what everyone else expects.

Trust me, if you go by what everyone else says, expects you'll go crazy.

You'll never fit everyone's expectations.

You are doing this for yourself, not them, so it's about reaching a place where you can say "I'm doing good". You do things at your own pace. Don't let people who are not helping you to tell you what you should and should not do.

And you know what, once you get pass all this, and people notice your fine with yourself, they will accept and love who you are.

loving yourself always shows.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I don't need to be a big shot anything in life to have friends and lovers right? I keep thinking that I need to be this super successful person to be able to have friends, people that like me and lovers. Honestly living under that belief is what is totally tearing me down

Lot of truth in that, now lets see if your heart will wrap itself around this concept as willingly as your brain.

Yes I know, knowing a thing in the head ain't the same as feeling it. Eventually you will feel this truth.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Now I have a serious question to ask you. And I ask this because I know how this sort of thing goes (remember I've been there).

You stopped talking about suicide, does this mean you stopped thinking about it as an option?

[Woollyhats]

I doubt you'll ever be homeless. If you don't have a medium or high income look into subsidized housing... if you absolutely need it, there shouldn't be shame in such programs...Also, if you are literally without income, you could use welfare, that's what it's made for... but at the same time, consider a part time job while in school, or a full time job if you are not. Or several of the former. You obviously suffer from some mental health issues as well; with depression and related issues. These are treatable like any problem, but can also be considered a disability if you never get better, which is worth money as well.

There are all sorts of programs that can help you in making sure you have the minimum you need to live. In this regards most people in developed nations are fortunate, since true poverty is something few of us have to experience. So, If you need to, I really feel you shouldn't feel shame in using services that will help you.

On the other hand --- you won't feel satisfied if you don't have a job, and continue in your education as well; both of which make you more productive. So if you use programs, make sure you still have some goals, so you can have a happy life, and also give back to society.

[Drkmcnamara]

I doubt you'll ever be homeless. If you don't have a medium or high income look into subsidized housing... if you absolutely need it, there shouldn't be shame in such programs...Also, if you are literally without income, you could use welfare, that's what it's made for... but at the same time, consider a part time job while in school, or a full time job if you are not. Or several of the former. You obviously suffer from some mental health issues as well; with depression and related issues. These are treatable like any problem, but can also be considered a disability if you never get better, which is worth money as well.

There are all sorts of programs that can help you in making sure you have the minimum you need to live. In this regards most people in developed nations are fortunate, since true poverty is something few of us have to experience. So, If you need to, I really feel you shouldn't feel shame in using services that will help you.

On the other hand --- you won't feel satisfied if you don't have a job, and continue in your education as well; both of which make you more productive. So if you use programs, make sure you still have some goals, so you can have a happy life, and also give back to society.

I live in Texas, there is no such thing as welfare here unless you plan on having kids and being married. And as for finding a job well that has been a major part of my frustration as well since I keep looking and looking and I haven't turned up anythin yet.