Coming Out at Work!

[Mickcloud9]

Theres a good chance I could be outed at work by a colleague. My place of employment is very masculine and a guy who worked there in the past took alsorts of abuse because he was openly gay although extremely camp. I have worked there for 8months now and have great working relationships with most of my colleagues but I worry how they will accept me if I am outed. The company I work for is a very well know Transport & Distribution Company, Can I expect support from them? Help. Worried Sick!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Do you act gay?

If not then its a matter of plausible deniablelity. He has to be able to prove you are gay. Anyone can accuse another person of being gay - in fact its considered an insult.

If you are not camp then its up to him to come up with evidence of that allegation...

Does he got video of you actually having gay sex?

And not vid of you walking in or out of a gay bar ain't proof of shit - you were meeting your brother or cousin or nephew or some one who is gay - and your just so incredibly comfortable with your sexuality you see no problem in going to gay bar. You're cool.

See how this works?

Its his word against yours..

[findingmyway]

Just from experience, people (meaning straight guys) tend to accept you the more "masculine" you act. If you act like a regular dude, it's easier for them to forget that you are gay, and they might be more willing to treat you normally. Unfortunately, if you are camp, then some people can get very annoyed by that.

[Kackerlacka]

Do you act gay?

If not then its a matter of plausible deniablelity. He has to be able to prove you are gay. Anyone can accuse another person of being gay - in fact its considered an insult.

If you are not camp then its up to him to come up with evidence of that allegation...

Does he got video of you actually having gay sex?

And not vid of you walking in or out of a gay bar ain't proof of shit - you were meeting your brother or cousin or nephew or some one who is gay - and your just so incredibly comfortable with your sexuality you see no problem in going to gay bar. You're cool.

See how this works?

Its his word against yours..

Perfect!

Its not true until you say its true.

So say my friend said...I killed someone...If I say no I didnt, then hes got to prove I did otherwise to counteract my words. No proof. No conviction. No problem. Of course there is other stuff because that has to do with the law. But same concept for you. No proof. No problem.

Of course I wish you could be open about your sexuality. Unfortunately, not everyone is all that excepting of it YET. Since this is your source of income, I believe you should not come out because of how they treated the other guy. Its just work, its a place you go to so you can afford to pay your bills and live your life as a proud man. Sexuality should have nothing to do with work. My colleagues dont know my personal life, I dont know theirs. So why should your colleagues know yours?

Again, im not sure how easy it is for u to find another job in your field with same pay. but since it is your source of income and is how you survive, I wouldn't take the risk.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I should note the trick of being gay yet being straight to everyone else is to act like being called a gay or a fag is no skin off your nose. "Yeah whatever." or "it takes one to know one" or "Even if that was true I still wouldn't fuck you."

Look at how real straight guys act/react and follow suit. Those who get all bent out of shape or start trying to prove they are straight are usually hiding something. Just like a lot of homophobes are actually gay and overcompensating.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Just why do you think your about to be outed at work, if your straight acting and not in a relationship with anyone from work?

Have you been spotted in Glasgay at Polo Club/Benetts etc by a member of staff who recognised you?

Seems to me that unless you choose to out yourself you really have nothing to fear.

Whats more, you ARE protected in the workplace if there is the slightest sign of bullying because of your sexuality. You would have to set up a 1-2-1 with your line manager and HR Manager and appraise them of the situation if anything untoward should arise.

ObW
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[Mickcloud9]

The reason I think I will be outed is I had became good friends with this colleague and thought it best to be up front about my sexuality. However it's hasn't went down too well with him and he has started acting differently towards me. I am very straight acting. Just kinda shocked at how people can change their view of you. It's not like am gonna try n jump him to have sex with him. Just don't get it!

[Oilngasguy]

I try to keep my work and personal life as separate as possible. If you don't come across as gay I would just deny deny deny if he acts like a asshole. Just shrug it off like he's some immature idiot who's just trying to pick a fight. I'm not sure what rights gays have in Scottland but in Texas we don't have shot when it comes to discrimination in the work place. Hell Arizona almost passed a law saying businesses could refuse service if they felt homosexuality was against there religion. Odd twist the NFL said no super bowl if that happens lol. Anyway yeah just play it cool and I'm sure you'll be fine. My kingdom for a man with a sexy Scottish voice!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

The reason I think I will be outed is I had became good friends with this colleague and thought it best to be up front about my sexuality. However it's hasn't went down too well with him and he has started acting differently towards me. I am very straight acting. Just kinda shocked at how people can change their view of you. It's not like am gonna try n jump him to have sex with him. Just don't get it!

I hate to say it but this and many other negative potentials exist when we come out to people.

I think there is a period of time before we do out that we test the waters, put the individual or the whole group in the scales and see if they balance out or if they are wanting.

Such as asking things like 'So what do you think of Arizona's new law to discriminate against the gays?' or 'Have you ever wondered when our state will allow gay marriage?'

Understand most bigots will be the first to bring up the subject of their hatred they usually do it carefully in the form of minor jokes. If you laughter o smirk or appear to find the minor jokes funny, they start pushing the limits to see just how deep your hatred runs.



I for one desire to to live by policy that I am open and honest about my sexuality, but not feeling a need to shove it down the throats of others. No straight person feels compelled to tell me they are straight, instead their general conversations about who they look at/date/live with, etc tells me all I need to know.


If someone asks you 'do you have a girlfriend?' All you have to say "No." - you don't have to explain WHY it is you do not have a girlfriend. Hey its not your fault if they do not know how to ask questions, thus get all confused when they say they know this gal they could set you up with and you say, 'Um, No thanks. I'm not interested.'

There is absolutely no reason for you to 'come out' and tell people 'I'm gay'. I assure you, once you get a boy friend, get married, buy a house together and settle in for the long haul people may actually notice (don't hold your breath there are a lot of really dense people out there).

You are not compelled to tell anyone your sexual orientation. There is no law stating you must tell everyone, and since I seriously doubt you work in the sex industry (say making porn) that your sexuality will affect your performance at work... who really needs to know? did this guy really need to know?

I say take this experience as a learning experience, you have learned how some people (not all mind you) can react poorly to such news.

We live in a strange time in history when we have a minor majority who are for the LGBT community, thus chances are pretty high that if this dude 'outs' you it may backfire badly for him.

[southbiochem]

Whats more, you ARE protected in the workplace if there is the slightest sign of bullying because of your sexuality.

Thank you I was looking for legislations before I replied to this.

To the OP. So, hey, you outed yourself.

For the most part I agree with everything Bowyn says. Although having to "act straight" for the sake of avoiding discrimination is thoroughly irritating. But you said you are already pretty "normal/average/straight" acting so no problems there.

I will say a few more things

1.- You can't control what he does. You can always ask him nicely not to disclose that kind of information. Exactly why do you think he will spill the beans? Do you know he'll go out and tell everyone? Or is it something you just fear?

2.-If he's about to dismiss you entirely as a person only on account of your sexuality, then he wasn't worth it to be friends with to begin with.

3.- Should what you fear happen you have the law on your side, if your colleagues start any kind of ill behavior because of it.