Putting your money where your mouth is

[austin]

Good to hear james, wish you the best and hope everything works out. Yea those sprite will be a little different lol.

[CellarDweller]

Good for you Jim!!!!

[partis]

Great news james, i hope things improve for you

[Woollyhats]

I hope you get every possible benefit from therapy that has and will ever exist! Proud of you..

[matty7]

very happy for you mate - lets hope the first medication works but if not then don't forget that there are many more types , some work great for one person and not for another, its finding the right meds and dosage for you - you may feel a little bit out of sorts at first..bit like a mild hangover even...that's stage does pass after a week or 2 (guess depending what you get) the plus side totally out ways that - you'll find your negative thoughts don't snowball making a little thing into something very dark and draining, hope you have found a good doctor and you have good dialogue too with regular updates on how your progressing.
take care - matty

[747XL29]

All the best James. Good on the crisis counselor for having the professionalism to get the right person involved as well.

747

[James]

I really can't thankyou all enough, you have shown me so mush support and advice, it is tough going back through the recesses of your mind and finding all the crap there, yet to be dealt with, some 52 years old. I hope you all know how much I appreciate your support, Jim

[southbiochem]

If I may pitch in here James, I will say this:

It's usually hard to ackowledge problems and even harder to ask for help.

You have done both which only shows just how willing you are to make progress into caring for yourself. And that is never a bad thing to do.

You've done what's right for you. Keep it up.

[driftwood]

Geez, I missed whats going on AGAIN???

MisterT wasn't the only one missed it.
Whatever the problem was, it sounds like you're on the way to getting it fixed. Good luck.

[James]

Ok Jim, ready begin. this is not easy for me, but some have asked that I update as I go, there are things in my past that affect me. Most people have something. But to show what therapy is all about I can't hide what we talk about. Please don't judge me to harshly.

12 years old got raped by a child molester, my parents blamed me, must have been something I did. The therapist at the time was a sadistic, I would kill him now if I knew where he was.
14 outed raging hormones wanted to have my best friend as boy friend. He said I think you should leave. Got around the school and to my parents as my mom was part of the school system. now the rape makes since to parents after all I am gay.
16 my grandma who raised us kids, as both parents worked, my best friend could talk about anything, she called my name as I was asleep, I got up pulled on trousers, and went out to find out what was up, she looked so scared sitting at the diningroom table, called doctor, he said bring her to office, got her in car, raced to office, went in, nurse, also docs wife greeted me, i said I couldn't bring grandma in, doc went out and said she had a stroke, could I take her to hospital or need ambulance. I was quicker, said I would take her. Got to hospital staff was ready as doc called ahead. they took her and I couldnt go in cause no shirt no shoes. she passed a half hour later, never got the chance to say goodbye or that I loved her.
16 and a half, life has become intolerable, everything is my fault including my grandma's death, due to the stress I cause the family. Just want to end it. Good plan, have weapon, far away from everyone, reach for weapon sisters hand falls on mine, takes weapon away, says we will deal with this together.
18 sister away at school got draft notice, screw it, if I am going in let me at least be something of value. 5th special forces nam. yeah I made it.
This is the biggist issue as the voices in my head that come from this are real and I am still dealing with some of this. If you don't believe there can be voice's I am gald cause that means you haven't been through this kinda trauma. having trouble putting thoughts on page now so I will post this and continue in a bit, Jim