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sometimes I wish it was socially acceptable to kill oneself. I wish I could go to the hospital, explain the emotional and physical pain I am in, and they can inject me with lethal injections so that I can leave this world in a humane way.
If people could only understand the pain that I carry inside, and how I have tried to overcome it to no success, maybe they would understand. I dont want to live with with this pain anymore I dont want to fight for a future anymore. I just want the world to accept that I no longer wish to be part of it, and help me set myself free of the world.
Thats how I feel.... right now. Everyday is like living another lie, going throgh the motions, not caring for anything, waiting for my day to come to an end, and hoping there arent many left...
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Sure, this world has its downsides... And when the sky is grey and all you ever see is darkness, because you get up before the sun, drive to work and get home after the sun has gone down, life is dark.
It's hard. The pay is bad and we're barely making enough money to buy milk for our cereal, which we eat 3 times a day because we don't have enough money to buy any real food. Our families cut us off because we came out. We got beat up on the way home from the store and our groceries (and lack thereof) got stolen right out of our bloody hands.
But when you see the glee and excitement in your dog's eyes as you enter the front door after a terrible day and wake up to see the sun on a beautiful summer sunday.. it was all worth it. Life is beautiful and you will never have another one (unless you believe in reincarnation). Live it to its fullest. Burst through the seems and be happy! Be proud! Even if your family hates you, because of who you are, somebody, somewhere will absolutely love you! You will be their entire world!
Please Anonymous, I have no idea who you are, but ending your life is never the answer.
Be strong, seek help!
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Unfortunately, or fortunately, you can't go to a hospital to be euthanized for a 'stage of life', because that's not what it's there for, in the few places that euthanasia exist in. So I could tell you how to do it yourself, and I would if you were someone terminally ill that wanted to avoid the last few painful weeks, but that's not what this is, so I'm not going to.
Your pain is real. Seriously; at your level of depression there are probably physical and measurable differences in your brain, so don't let anyone tell you it isn't real. But also, don't let your depression tell you this isn't treatable.
Whether it's an inability to turn negatives into a positive, a high concentration of negative events in the past or present of your life, or a chemical imbalance, these are things that can be treated.
My advice is to go to an experienced mental health specialist, or if you don't have easy access to one, to a emergency services, and tell them what you've described here. And be honest; say that without help you will most likely have suicidal tendencies, because what I'm seeing from here is that they exist.
This said: You would not be here venting/asking for help or guidance if on some level you didn't want that. This tells me that even though you're looking at unhealthy ways of processing your feelings, that you do want to deal with them in a healthy way if possible. I hope you can and do take that...
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I have always been flabbergasted by the lengths people will go too, to fight for the right to kill themselves, but cant be bothered to do the same in order to live.
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alright I will admit, I wrote that today. This is how I honestly feel and there seems to be nothing I can do to shake these feelings. I will be ok one day, and the next these feelings come back, they always come back, and I just dont want to feel like this anymore 
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You need to make an appointment with a doctor. If he/she can't determine a physical cause for this, then you need to see a counselor/psychiatrist so they can determine what meds will help you.
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NayNay Wrote:alright I will admit, I wrote that today. This is how I honestly feel and there seems to be nothing I can do to shake these feelings. I will be ok one day, and the next these feelings come back, they always come back, and I just dont want to feel like this anymore
This is why you are going through therapy.
it has proven helpful hasn't it. That feeling of being overwhelmed is temporary, it comes and goes. You know this.
The fact that you have already sought help is a prove you have fight in you.
Given time (it's not an instantaneous thing) you will get pass this.
Give yourself a chance, you have it in you.
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I just feel like i m wasting everyones time, i m not worth it -_- just put me down already lmao.
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NayNay Wrote:alright I will admit, I wrote that today. This is how I honestly feel and there seems to be nothing I can do to shake these feelings. I will be ok one day, and the next these feelings come back, they always come back, and I just dont want to feel like this anymore
Are there mental health services in your area? You live in Canada (high five!), so you should have them in the ER in your local hospital, but some cities have subsidized income counsellors if you can't afford the fees. You might have counselling through work plans/disability/parents plans, whatever... I don't know if your level of mental health is considered disabling, but it often is. If you can show need sometimes services are free as well... my mom has counselling from a decade long abusive marriage with my father; I've gone to a session with her actually and it was a good experience.
There are a lot of options for getting it...
If you ARE seeing professionals and the one you are seeing isn't helping, you could also think about switching to another one. Some of them suck, for lack of a better word.
Even if you were worthless, which you are not, you still would have as much a right to be here as anyone else. Hope your feelings stabilize soon...
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Woollyhats Wrote:Are there mental health services in your area? You live in Canada (high five!), so you should have them in the ER in your local hospital, but some cities have subsidized income counsellors if you can't afford the fees. You might have counselling through work plans/disability/parents plans, whatever... I don't know if your level of mental health is considered disabling, but it often is. If you can show need sometimes services are free as well... my mom has counselling from a decade long abusive marriage with my father; I've gone to a session with her actually and it was a good experience.
There are a lot of options for getting it...
If you ARE seeing professionals and the one you are seeing isn't helping, you could also think about switching to another one. Some of them suck, for lack of a better word.
Even if you were worthless, which you are not, you still would have as much a right to be here as anyone else. Hope your feelings stabilize soon...
I have seen a therapist before and it helped me out a little until he quit his practice. I got a referral to call a psychiatrist now and i havent called yet. I m taking anti anxiety medication which allows me to work through the day but doesnt help my feelings of wanting to end it all.
I should just be able to deal with this myself and not bother anyone. I hate how I involed so many people and I cant even help myself. That is why I really dont fee like trying anymore . I dont want to burden anyone else and it would be best if i was just allowed to do what I want
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