I want to exit the stage of life

[Cuddly]

I just feel like i m wasting everyones time, i m not worth it -_- just put me down already lmao.

wow.. that's really hurtful to read.

Think about it; we are reading and replying to this post to the best of our abilities. Because we either sympathise or have gone through similar and would have liked/received similar back up.

You aren't wasting anybody's time and you are definately worth it. The only people who should be put down are the people who put down other people. Nothing holds greater value than life, that includes your life. Regardless of how shit you may consider your life at the moment, it's still infinately valueable. It's worth all the time in the world.

I was never brave enough to get any real help, when I was having such dark thoughts. So atleast give yourself that much; you're admitting you have a problem and trying to deal with it. That's more than what most depressed people can manage.

In case it helps, by maybe putting the cause of your feelings in perspective to something as simple as a little chemistry:
Nervous cells communicate and send signals (can be anything from sensing heat on your fingertips to feeling happy) through synapses, where one nervous cell's axon ends and another nervous cell's dendrite begins. Consider the axon a dick and the dendrite an anus if you must.
The axon releases serotonine into this area, between the dick and the anus, called the synaptic cleft. Depending on the ammout of serotonine that passes into the post-synaptic nervous cell (the anus) the signal is passed. If an insufficient ammount of serotonine reaches the post-synaptic nervous cell a signal will not be sent. This is one part of depressions. Your happy signals are not being received.
A way to battle this with medicine is with SSRIs, which inhibit the serotonine reuptake proteins, which take the serotonine from the synaptic cleft and move it back into the pre-synaptic nervous cell, to reuse for sending the signal. By disabling these the concentration in the synaptic cleft increases and the signal is more likely to be passed on.
Obviously just getting the signal across isn't enough. If you're still not thinking happy thoughts, in spite of being medicated, you won't get any effect. It's like taking painkillers if you feel no pain; they have no effect (except for side-effects ofc!)

[Cuddly]

I should just be able to deal with this myself and not bother anyone. I hate how I involed so many people and I cant even help myself. That is why I really dont fee like trying anymore . I dont want to burden anyone else and it would be best if i was just allowed to do what I want

Oh sweety you're not burdening anyone!
The psychiatrist would probably be exhilarated by your call, too many people deal with their depressions on their own and end up throwing their lives away for reasons that could easily have been dealt with, with the proper care! The psychiatrist knows this. It's their job to help you get well and with the kind of education it requires, I bet they like their job. Especially if it means potentially saving your life.
Make the call!!

[loserguy]

Hi Nay Nay,

Breakups are hard and take a long time to get over. During it we feel alone even with people around us. We feel lost and empty. Many of us yearn for that person to come back for a long time, Sometimes we feel useless and worthless.
I suspect the way you feel now is the result of your breakup? I am sorry that happened but when you are in a position to think clearly about it you will realize that it was just not meant to be. Maybe you thought you were compatible but maybe you just were not?
We have all gone through these dark times but happy times also.
Give your heart a chance to mend and one day probably when you least expect it you will find "the one".
But for now, I feel your pain and I know from your writing how sensitive you are. I have seen some of your posts and they are full of passion and very well written. You have plenty of good things to offer the world and lots of love to offer the right guy. You must, however believe it. Try to be positive in life. It helps.
If you are still finding it hard to cope, maybe consider seeking out some professional help as the other posters suggested? But you do realize that you will need to let it out to someone to begin the recovery process?
Time is a great healer and try and ride it out day by day. As to when you will recover from this, only your heart can tell you.

[MisterTinkles]

alright I will admit, I wrote that today. This is how I honestly feel and there seems to be nothing I can do to shake these feelings. I will be ok one day, and the next these feelings come back, they always come back, and I just dont want to feel like this anymore

I thought you were seeing a counselor about this stuff?
Taking anti-depressants?
Or was that just all "hot air" to keep us from annoying you about it?

[NayNay]

I thought you were seeing a counselor about this stuff?
Taking anti-depressants?
Or was that just all "hot air" to keep us from annoying you about it?

I was seeing one until he stopped his practice. And I'm taking anti anxiety medication right now ...

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Actually I do understand that pain. I have understood it for a very, very long time.

My first suicide attempt was when I was 15. My most successful attempt was 1994 - 19 almost 20 years ago when I did die - twice... Sure I was resuscitated... but still.

Then in 2013 I went so far as to but the muzzle of my sidearm in my mouth.... the only thing keeping me from squeezing the trigger was I was concerned that my roommate finding my brains splattered across the wall would go irretrievably insane.... Mind he already had one BF who did the suicide route and he found the body....

I would like to tell you that life gets better and that this will pass. However that would not be altogether true. Life does have a lot of sucky moments to it, and is full of pain and suffering and misery and as time wears on it honestly feels like the rare moments of joy are too far and few in between.

However those moments are worth the rest of the crap.

Believe it or not since my demise nearly 20 years ago I have had a positive impact on a lot of people's lives - and not because I actively sought to be superman or some BS like that. It just happened that way.

YOU will have positive impact on people's life - not because you are actively seeking to do so, but because with this depression/anxiety whatever issue you have, you are just a wee bit more compassionate and caring and empathetic of the pain of others and will make the ________ (Mistake? IDK what word fits there best for you) of reacting with kindness and compassion and then totally affecting others around you in positive ways.

Look you are doing the right things, seeking help and all of that. And there is a lot o of potential positive steps that can render your life better if you follow the advise of therapists. Psychiatrists - well I'm not going to say that they are pure evil and only want to dope you up and have not a fucking clue... but that is how it is

Understand that a lot of people respond well to these modern drugs and that coupled with therapy and having a therapist help you to find your toolset that makes this whole living thing easier life does become easier to live.

And there are a lot of wonders left for you to discover.... Had I actually died for good 19 years ago I would have missed out on a lot... Like um, meeting you....

[Anonymous]

alright I will admit, I wrote that today. This is how I honestly feel and there seems to be nothing I can do to shake these feelings. I will be ok one day, and the next these feelings come back, they always come back, and I just dont want to feel like this anymore

You're far braver than this multi tour combat veteran. I only wish I had your courage. Nothing in life scares me. I have beaten bully's down like the scum they are, I have serve in an infantryman's job in two nations military's and done so both times in very bad places. I have dedicated my life to violent trades and am over 5 decades of age.

But I am a mere coward when it comes to being who I am. You guys in their 20's that have no fear inspire me to wake up every day.

Please keep doing it.

[NayNay]

Thanks for all your comments and replies. I really appreciate it. I am having a better day today. I woke up and decided to let my inner Diva out. lmao. Everyone at work noticed it too... in a good way I am trying to think positive today. Which is something that is hard for me to try everyday. So far so good. I just know that I will have another day where I am feeling so down...freggen horrible mood swings i ve ever felt in my life.

[James]

Yes Naynay, I have walked that path, I know the pain that overwhelms the will to live, I tried and failed at 16 years old, went to nam hoping to die, but I am here and I have learned things, coping skills get better the older you are. Yes I am in therapy right now cause the box I put all the bad stuff in to be dealt with later broke open when I was trying to help some people know that I had been through the same stuff. So at this point I would say, don't bury it to far deal with it when you learn how to cause the more you bury the harder it is if it all comes back at once. To my combat brother above, keep up the good fight, life is worthwhile and you can come out at any age, Jim

[Ryocchi]

Been there done that, you were seeing a therapist it helped, he quit, and you let the dark thoughts come in in your head, find another therapist, and if you don't connect with him, find another, be well, be healthy, I understand not wanting to bother anyone, again been there done that, but just take a moment, breath deeply and take a moment, can you see how many people here care for you? that's a sign that you're doing something well, I'm sure there are more people on your daily life who also care tons for you, and I'm also there's like hundred of boys who would very much want to know you better, you're loved, you're cared, you have all this warm around you, feel good, you're doing something well, you're needed and you would be missed, let all this love around you care for you, pamper you and give you strength when you feel like there' no point in going forward, you can.