What do I do? Please help.

[Zac]

Hello

This is my first post, I thought to try and receive some advice as I'm currently in a really tricky situation that seems to be getting worse every time I open my mouth.

Let me explain the situation:

About a month ago in left England to visit my friends in Australia, I'm now currently in New Zealand staying with more friends experiencing this country. Back in the UK I was making effort with a guy who I had met on Hornet (gay dating app), we met 2 times and it went well. We enjoyed each other's company and I am extremely attracted to him. Just before I made the trip to New Zealand I was missing him a lot so I decided to invite him to stay with me and my friends in New Zealand, he said yes and things were planned for him to meet me there. Everything went smoothly until the second day. We chatted about how this trip would determine whether a relationship was possible and conversations flowed.

The day after we settled in things went sour, we realized the differences we have and that it's tricky living with someone who is so unlike you. Rifts occurred and things are very hot and cold now. He's been chatting to guys over here on Hornet and Grindr, trying to arrange staying in a more lively area as he is a social butterfly, having a huge social group of friends at home and not liking the accommodation we have which is in a lake house about an hour away from the nearest town.

I don't mind him leaving as it will save me time in being careful with what I say and not having to worry he's still here and I have to act a certain way. Yet you can tell he wants to stay but can't comprehend it. This evening I told him that he needs to make a decision and that I'd be happy for him to continue his trip over here where he wants to be, but this doesn't seem to be helping the situation, I just can't seem to say the right thing.

It's now day 5 coming into day 6, he's in the other bedroom and we are currently worse than ever. We had a better day today, sharing laughs and enjoying a winery tour near where we are staying, but it can't continue like this. We cuddled in bed last night as he opened up to me a bit, but right now that seems like nothing as any good thing that happens is wrecked by the bad things.

What I'd like some advice on is:

What to do?
I still like him, shall I try my hardest to patch things up for a relationship?
Should he leave to another guys place and part of the country?
What am I doing wrong?

Any advice would be appreciated, feel free to ask for more information, I can elaborate on points.

Looking forward to hearing from you all x
Thanks x

[Cuddly]

You went out twice and then went on a holiday together ?_?

To me, being in a relationship is about tolerance and respecting borders. Whatever weird thing he does that may annoy you, if it's little enough for you to suck it up, then all is well, if it's too much then you're simply incompatible and a relationship would probably never work. Same goes for him vs you, ofc.
But everybody needs their own time and space. I don't think anybody could share their entire life with somebody, you do need time alone to think sometimes.

I think your problem is that you know each other well enough to like each other, but not enough to love each other. You just went out and got tied up together too soon.
I don't feel as if I know the full story, so I can't really say what you're doing wrong (other than dating twice and then going on a holiday together..).
I would never ask him to leave. You invited him with you (I assume he's around your age (18)), so he is under your care, in a way. You can't just "kick him out" in a foreign country!

How is he so different from you?

[Woollyhats]

What bad things are happening? I feel like you just don't know each other.

I mean you saw him just a few times and brought him on a big trip with you... It's probably a little awkward and uncomfortable. And maybe he does want to stay... But the point remains that he hardly knows you.

It might take time.. I don't know what your problems are but that seems most important.

You also shouldn't kick him out unless he has a way back home.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

"We chatted about how this trip would determine whether a relationship was possible and conversations flowed."

While on holiday - seriously? This is holiday, this is when you are away from the life that is what and who you really are.

Might as well dress up as clowns and act Shakespeare plays to determine if you are a suitable couple. Travel is not a good way to get to know the real person, how they tick in the real world - instead you get to meet the person who suffers from jet-lag and gets stomach issues from waters less familiar to their gut flora.


While going to exotic places may seem like a great idea, being thrust into alien environments causes stresses to humans, stresses that cause personality changes and brings up coping mechanisms.

You ain't dating the UK dude - you are dating the Stranger in a Strange Land.

Oh and YOU ain't being you either - you are being the Dude on Safari or whatever it is you become when in an alien environment. Sure the places you are going to speak the same (similar) language and bow down to the Same Queen or something but there are many minor and major cultural differences between these places and Home.

So there is the mistake part.

Fix part? You both need to realize that you are travel partners and not seeing the real person at this time. The damage is most likely already done, and finding out if you are suitable relationship material may not happen as you got to see rarer - and uglier - sides of each other.

[SilverBullet]

You say he likes the social aspects he had yet you are an hour away from town and so basically he doesn't have the conversations he would like(?). Then you said he somewhat enjoyed himself when you visited a winery? It sounds like he is a tag along more so than someone your dating . Ask him and do the things he wants to do, it will make him happy it will throw some surprise into your trip and as awesome as the sights are that you may have planned to see im sure your trip would be infinitely better if he were by your side holding on to you. Ive found people have a way of letting their guard down in bed, try to have as many heart to hearts as you can at night while you snuggle, the information may be much more truthful and less sugar coated.

[MisterTinkles]

You're a moron if you think you can get to know someone from 2 dates and a trip, much less move in with someone and start a relationship.

You did it to yourself, and have only yourself to blame.

Do you like sticking you hand into fires also?

[Joshular]

You can come to my house lol!
:p
I think that if things aren't working now things won't work in the future.
you need someone that'll enjoy the same things as you.
Also how are you enjoying my fair country?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You're a moron if you think you can get to know someone from 2 dates and a trip, much less move in with someone and start a relationship.

You did it to yourself, and have only yourself to blame.

Do you like sticking you hand into fires also?

You have such a way with words.... You need to really start writing poetry.:tongue:

[MisterTinkles]

You have such a way with words.... You need to really start writing poetry.:tongue:

Roses are red
Your face is blue
You know it's fact
Because Im strangling you



Wow, Im GOOD!!!!

[dfiant]

You are fucking joking?

This is hillarious, keep us up to date with what is happening.