Progress?

[nfisher1226]

I had a fight with my ex-wife a few days back. Truth told, I stepped way over the line on a few things. Basically I told her to sort her life out and stop letting boyfriends screw her life up, because it was ruining her chances to reconnect with our daughter. She got pissed and blocked me on facebook. All fine and good, I really don't need the connection myself.

Anyway, an old friend of ours got in touch with me last night to tell me she (the ex) had been posting online about how she had been married to a gay man for years, among other things. Since I'm the only guy she ever married it wasn't hard to connect the dots. She (the friend) was very tactful about it and didn't ask if there was truth to it or not, just wanted me to know I was being talked about. And she went on to say she loved me either way.

Surprisingly, it didn't bother me all that much as it probably would have in years past. So after thanking her for being a good friend I did what seemed logical at the time; I told her the truth. We wound up having a really great conversation and caught up on a lot that's happened in both our lives.

It feels like just another small step in a larger journey, if that makes any sense. And I'm thinking lately that I just don't want to be in the closet at all anymore. I still have some personal issues to sort out so I can be more self sufficient, but I just want to live out in the open. I feel ready for that.

The problem is, if I'm realistic about it then my job would become a living hell if word got around in that place. I can see other areas that might be problematic, but that's the big one. I need to make a big change sometime, but I don't know exactly how I want to do it. I have no education past high school, so the best work I can find always tends to be factory work. And I'm tired of not being able to really talk about my life with my coworkers like everybody else gets to. I want to get to a place where I can say what I did with my boyfriend over the weekend, or what our plans are, or talk about what's going on in his life if I feel like it. Straight people get to do that. I know there's got to be a place I could too, but I know it's not where I'm at right now, so I'm still a bit on the fence.

So I guess for a while anyway I'm going to continue this gradual pace and tell a few people here and there. The vast majority of my family still has no clue, but I'm thinking now would be a good time to talk to my mom about it. She's been wholeheartedly supportive about a lot of other things in my life, and I think she would handle it fine. So maybe sometime soon.

[southbiochem]

I feel ready for that.

^ That right there, that is progress alright.

You don't really have to tell EVERYONE, not if will be jeopardizing you, but start with close people.

It's curious, though, on a purely personal basis, I find irritating having to talk about my personal life at work, he he.

I think, if you can't find a job of the more accepting kind, it still won't affect you too much because people close to you will be sharing this part of you.

mile:

[ChadCoxRox]

I've still never come out to family though they all know. Instead, my partner and I moved in together seven years ago and have never hidden our relationship from any of the family. They all know and the fact is referenced in comfort. I suppose it's been good fortune but I've always thought simply "being" is what's important. If I do that with integrity the fact that I don't "come out" at work because it's a huge homophobic world of bigotry is just self preservation. Of course I can relate to your comments about wanting to "be free" at work but the price is simply not worth it...yet. I'm watching for a deal too good to pass up though so you never know. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and best wishes as you move forward.

[Woollyhats]

Good luck. Ex is being a bitch; if she wore a gay man's shoes for a day she'd never be doing what she is doing now.

As for telling people... Congratulations. Only tell peoe you want to tell and that matter to you. As for work, they have no business knowing, and hopefully you have some protections from harassment just in case.

Hope everything goes well...

[findingmyway]

It feels like just another small step in a larger journey, if that makes any sense.

All these steps are going to add up to a really great life. You're doing great. Congratulations.

[driftwood]

Nothing wrong with gradual. I applaud you.

[nfisher1226]

Thanks everybody.

[CellarDweller]

There is no real "right way" to come out. Everyone does it at their own time and own pace.

You will find that as you come out, your comfort level will rise. Just do it in a way that you are most comfortable, and things should be ok.

Just remember you need to allow people to have their own reactions to this news.

[Joshular]

Wishing you the best of luck nfisher!!!
Do what feels right. Have you ever thought about going and doing higher education?

[nfisher1226]

Yes I have. In fact it's exactly the plan I'm leaning towards right now. It's kind of a scary prospect at the moment due to finances, but I don't think I should let that stop me. My boyfriend keeps encouraging it, too.

I'd have to borrow more than the actual cost of the tuition in order to pull it off, which is the scary part. Right now I'm still without a drivers license and car, and child support takes so much of my take home pay that what I really should be doing is working a second job. But I think I need to just get it done before I get much older, even if it means going really far into debt. I know what it's like living without a degree, because I've been doing it for years now.