And this is why I live a life without generating lots of secrets that people can blackmail me with. In fact I am hard pressed to think of a a single thing about me that I don't want the local church to now, or my friends... etc.
See having secrets gives power of other over you.
I seriously doubt you have personally done something that can affect that many people in that profound a way without them having a single clue that something it up.
I think you have a puffed up sense of self worth with these stakes and little understanding that people rarely pay attention to 'secrets' once they are out for the long term.
Trust me on this part: No matter the secret, no matter how many people you kill to keep it a secret, it will eventually come out. It is not a matter of if - its only a matter of when.
You get a choice on if people find out through an asshole or through you - that is the only real choice here.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:I seriously doubt you have personally done something that can affect that many people in that profound a way without them having a single clue that something it up.
When it comes to things I dont want getting out, im very sneaky and quiet about it. I am a extremely good liar so someone detecting a hint would be borderline impossible. But whats hes threatening with is exposing pictures and videos. But the thing is, I never did anything like that. The most he would get just us talking on skype, the only thing being my camera on. I was shirtless on cam once but that was because it was a hot day and I was sweating like crazy with my shirt on, but prior to taking my shirt off he didnt believe it was that hot so I just played along and acted like I did it for him. My guess would be he recorded that and took pictures in advance if I ever wanted to leave him, he could threaten me like this. But the thing is that if any of that got out, which would make me want to cry enough, it would be like shouting "HEY EVERYONE, HES GAY". Im not at all ready to come out to my parents yet. Not for a while. But then now the thing is with that, im not exactly gay. Im Bi, and drifting more straight but still retaining the gay side. Im saying this can ruin my life because its practically like I have a double life. Its very different from what people, especially my parents, think I do. I know, I shouldnt be doing this but I need at least a little freedom here and there.
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Heres the whole text conversation. I managed to convince him I was joking because I was scared of him actually doing something at church. He was serious which makes me scared of him more than anything.
Me: Ok now im going to be serious. This isnt really working out
Him: Yes it is
Me: No, it isnt sorry. But considering how often you will be away for the next few years, we would rarely get to talk or meet. Plus im not really feeling it anymore, im starting to take interest in someone else (That person being someone who hasnt ignored me for the past week)
Him: I think you misunderstood. You don't have a choice
Him: You dont have a say
Me: Please dont joke. Im being serious. Im thinking of the future and we would hardly see eachother for years. Plus im starting to like someone else (Again, someone who hasnt been ignoring me)
Him: Well, I disagree, and I mean it, you don't have a say.
Me: Im not either. I know you well enough, your a nice person. But again, im thinking of the future. Sorry
*Something about him not being a nice person, I should reconsider this, and that tomorrows church would be quite interesting. I dont have an iphone so they arent all up on the screen, I have to be between inbox and outbox to see and its annoying as hell to try and tell which came after what message.*
Me: Why
Him: You'll see
Me: Why, what would you do
Him: You'll see
Me: Saying im gay would be pointless considering im mostly straight. Plus I can go into the adult mass room rather than the teen room, not go this week, or just stop going to church altogether.
Me: I just wont go then lol
Him: Well transcripts, pictures, and recordings would differ. Or I could just send anonymous mail.
Me: Ok. Are you really going to try and ruin my life just because im breaking up with you?
Him: Potentially
Me: Thats a real d*ck move
Him: So is breaking up with me
Me: Is it really worth it though? If you broke up with me then I wouldnt try and ruin you
Him: You're a nice person. I am not
Me: LMAO, touche, tou-f*cking-che. You are seriously impossible to trick
Him: Pardon?
Me: I said your impossible to trick lol. I wanted to see if I could actually convince you im breaking up with you but you wont believe me no matter how far I take it
Him: So this was all a joke?
Me: Si, Ja, Chichi (meant shishi)
Him: Why
Me: Cause I wanted to prove that I was a dick when you wouldnt believe me, durr
Then later on after I got home from going out for pizza, I tried to get it across that I was sad and hopefully change his views...
Me: Wait, im sort of curious, were you actually serious in threatening me when I was testing you?
Him: Yes
Me: Ok...that sort of makes everything feel forced now
Him: Well know you know
Me: I mean it makes even the relationship feel like its forced now :l
Me: And now im scared of you more than anything
Him: Don't be scared baby
Me: Im serious. its plain creepy
Him: I know
Me: I dont feel safe :l
Him: Why
Me: Because I know if something every happened, my life is ruined
Him: Oh
Me: :l
Him: Im sorry
Me: :l
Him: Can I call you?
Me: I want to cry now. And no, about to watch survivor with my mom, maybe after.
Then after that I asked why he wanted to call and its because he misses my voice. I did legit want to break out crying though.
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Get dirt on him, anything. If he's not willing to play fair then that gives you a license to do whatever you can to scare him back.
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And if he's going to expose pictures of you, that's invasion of privacy and you can get him in a lot of trouble for that.
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I also endorse the Tinkles approach.
This guy is nothing but a coward, and I doubt if he would have the guts to follow through. One thing he threatened was anonymous mail. That would have zero credibility. If this sort of thing is indicative of his personality, he probably has no credibility also.
Also consider what Cuddly had to say. Statistics indicate that giving in to blackmail rarely has any effect on whether the threatened action is carried out.
And would he also be outing himself?
You're the one that knows him, but it seems to me that he's only trying to get your goat... And succeeding. He's convinced you he recorded the conversation and took pictures. My guess is he's lying. Even if he did, it still doesn't matter. You're the one who has credibility at church. You could say you were playing along with him (you were at least part of the time).
You're not ready to come out, and and it's very unlikely you'll have to.
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True, I like the fact that I could get him in trouble and out him as well if he tried anything. Though to be safe, I figure ill break it off when he goes back up to NY at the end of the week. He wont be able to do crap then.
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May I weigh in on this
Consider turning the tables on him.
Without his knowledge, and before things develop further,
Write a letter to the head of the church, your parents and everybody important that you are being threatened with blackmail for financial reasons and the nature of the blackmail is to bring your reputation into disrepute by casting doubt on your sexuality by < insert his full name>,
Be ballsy , give details of the nature of the intended blackmail, and the medium and the facts behind, that you where set up..
Something like:-
Dear .........
I have no idea how to deal with this situation other than to write to to advise you that I believe that I have fallen victim to an attempt of blackmail.
The nature of the blackmail is.........
The so called evidence is me on skype without my shirt on talking about........
I believe the blackmailer may be trying to extort money from me, but this is not yet clear.
By advising you of this, I will be better able to deal with this as I will have dis-empowered him.
I take trust in you holding this in confidence......
then fuck him over..
any help ?
Trial
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Yea...considering my age, im not sure this would go completely positive for me. Like I said, once he goes back to boarding school in New York, ill end it.
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Wow Roman, I just read all this and, Damn. This guy you're with is a malignant narcissist, and you have to do whatever you can to get away from him ASAP. Seriously, a guy who would act like this and make these threats is unstable and potentially dangerous. I don't know what your situation is, in terms of family and support IRL, but I definitely think you need some help from friends to get away from this creep.
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