I went to a carnival and got on a ride that got stuck while we were upside down for 30 min, it was horrible, but when I got fixed we rode it 3 times because we didn't want to become scared of rides for life
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
My childhood. Pretty much all of it.
Lets see... Punched, slapped, made to stand in front of the refrigerator all night long holding encyclopedia books, then off to school so I could fall asleep in class and get punished for that.
I was locked in the closet many times, one time I can recall was literally for a week. Me, the thin light from beneath the door and a bucket to piss and shit in.
I was starved as a kid - went many a day without food... broken bones, sutures - I was such the clumsy child... very clumsy...
Mother had a great sense of humor. Example, she purposefully hid her 'favorite brush' and then told me I had stole it - told me again and again, and then told her husband who did a few rounds of boxing practice on my ass. And since I was lying daring to insist I didn't steal it, I got more 'punishments' over the course of the week....
By the end of the week I knew I stole the brush and threw it in a dumpster on the way to school... I believed I stole it... I knew I stole it, I had to have stole it there was no other logical or otherwise explanation....
Several months later when putting laundry away I found the brush in my mothers clothes drawer... but you see I stole it and threw it away in a dumpster, so I couldn't have really been seeing it.
Its called brainwashing - its its own form of horror.
Then there is the occult stuff - rituals and rites which I was forced to participate in. Ever sacrifice a dog, or a cat or a chicken? How about a goat? Ever been told that you have to slide that dagger into the heart of an innocent beast or you are going to be the sacrifice?
I was raped as a kid too... not 'molested' as in coaxed into it, I mean hold the boy down and violently shove your dick in and fuck for all your worth without mercy or lube... ever get gang banged? 5-6 adult males who each take their turns making it last forever.....? Well after awhile it all gets numb all over and you kinda sorta go into a grey state of being... But trust me, before that greyness settles in there is the pain, the agony and the terror that you are literally going to be fucked to death...
Being a member of a cult is fun, so many aunts and uncles all of them 'loving' you with a passion that makes you throw-up - or you would if you knew you could throw up without being beaten for it.
Scared - I was so scared most of my childhood that fear became 'normal'. So terrified I was that it still - STILL haunts me and is the cause of my PTSD, the flash backs the endless nightmares that cause me to wake up sleeping - the worse nightmares where apparently I just lay there screaming and screaming and screaming and not waking up....
And no there is not enough alcohol in the world to drown those memories, not enough meth to get my high above that shit... gods know I tried - tried real hard to escape those things I can remember.
And those are the things I can remember. My body has scars that I have no idea where the scars come from.
When I went in a few years ago to get my right knee operated on, apparently sometime in my childhood my right knee had been operated on - physical evidence of suturing on the semi-soft tissues.... One would think I could recall a surgery, and a month of having my leg bound up and being on crutches after having the meniscus sewn back together... but nope - that resides in that longish period of time between age 8 and 14 when I have very few memories recallable....
Most likely a lot more fear - fear for my life, terror that I am blissfully unaware of.
Are you sure you want to ask this sort of question? It may open up doors to places no one wants to go to...
Oh too late.... we went there.
•
That part of my memory has been permanently locked away. I've destroyed the key so it doesn't resurface again... hopefully.
•
My little brother was climing over a gate when I was little and fell off and craked his head on the concert... No actually it was the time the my little brother jumped onto our glass table and went right threw it D:
There wasn't even a scratch on him tho... So maybe the time he fell off the gate...
Not very dramatic am I
•
probably ... being raped ...
although the scariest thing about it was that it happened so often that i became used to it and it wasn't scary anymore.
hmmm
•
One word: junior high school.
Oops, that's three words. Well, I was never good in maths.
•
Posts: 9,300
Threads: 3,497
Joined: May 2013
Reputation:
0
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign: 
Sagittarius
Mood: None
Bowyn Aerrow, that hurts. That hurts me just reading it. It makes my life seem like a bed of roses. I'm truly sorry that all that happened to you and no wonder that you now live where and how you live.
"You can be young without money but you can't be old without money"
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
•
Almost drowning. If it wasn't for this man, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this comment.
•
The Scariest Thing ..........
![[Image: scared.jpg]](http://blogs.mcgill.ca/oss/files/2012/10/scared.jpg)
