How many is too many?

[swalter]

I was lying in bed last night reflecting on my life, and all I've done in the past 10 years, and I got to thinking about all the people I've slept with. At first, I was telling myself I'd had about 10 partners over the years. Then, as I started going down the list, from my first experience all the way to the man sleeping right next to me, and I counted a total of 42 different people!

I'm not a "player", or overly promiscuous, especially now that I'm in a commited relationship. I didn't even start having sex until I was 21 (I'm 37 now). Is that a lot of sexual partners? Am I a he-whore?

[megumidesu]

"too many" doesn't exist.
were you safe and consensual every time you had sex with one of the 42 different people ? if so , stop worrying . it's no one else's business how many people you've had sex with and it's only too many if you believe it to be.
the concept of "too many" was created by people to shame people for being sexually active.

[findingmyway]

Uh-oh. The cut-off line is 41. Sorry, you're one over, so it's too many.

Seriously, though, regret is a silly thing. If you can learn something from the partners you have been with, great. If not, move on and live in the present.

[swalter]

"too many" doesn't exist.
were you safe and consensual every time you had sex with one of the 42 different people?

Always consensual, not always protected (bareback is too hot). But I'm tested every 3mo, always the top, and careful about who I sleep with. I've been in a faithful, committed relationship for the past year and a half, and my partner is also faithful.

I wasn't thinking about the number of partners I've had as a bad thing, nor do I feel bad about it. Actually, I'm flattered that 42 people have enjoyed sex with me, some more than once! I was just curious if that's a lot of partners for someone my age, as it's not typically something I ask people.

Thanks for the feedback 😀

[partis]

That is quite a high number isnt it, dont worry i knew a straight guy who slept over a thousand woman, your not even half way to a hundred and who cares, its only sex… this makes me feel better though… 7… practically a virgin you slut!

[BabyPolarBear]

I guess people take things differently I would have had seen 42 people and thought good for me

[nfisher1226]

The meaning of life, the universe, and everything happens to be 42, so I think you're doing pretty well here. This might be "the one", as in. is he the one? Which is the actual ultimate question, and not "is she the one" as has been mistakenly suggested.

In all seriousness though, I don't think it's "too many". The only time it's too many is when they happen to be happening at the same time and yet are unaware of that fact. I would call two partners one too many if one or both of them is unaware that there is another and is instead under the impression that they are currently the only one. Just my opinion of course, and some obviously see things differently. But to have had 42 partners is 16 years does not in itself say anything about you as a person to me, except that you're better than me at getting laid.

And I'm a bit upset that I never get invited to those sorts of parties.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Yes...

For me...

You? IDK.....

[jimcrackcorn]

You've slept with 42 people during a 16 year period. That equates to approximately 2.6 people per year.

2.6 people per year doesn't sound bad at all. In fact, I would consider that amount to be almost virgin territory (smile).....

BUT !!!!! You mentioned having 10 partners during those 16 years. If those were long-term-relationships (LTR),,, then the equation will be somewhat different. For example: If each LTR lasted 1 year, then you would have had to sleep with 32 men in only 6 years.... Which would mean you slept with 5.3 men per year. That's still not bad considering that equates to having sex with a man every other month.

A man-whore is someone who is out there just about every night looking for a new hook-up (according to my promiscuity scale),,,, so your not even near being a man-whore.

I would say your sex-capades were within the normal range, but on the low side of the scale.

[MisterTinkles]

Sometimes numbers do count, but you are not out to get sex (or so I assume from the tone of your post), you are out looking for a stable relationship.

Your numbers don't count, but again, that depends on the person in question that you are interested in.

Some people want "experienced" partners, while others like virgins, and still others dont care.

To me, using the word "experienced" means man-whore, because those people who have used that word around me are exactly that.....man-whores....even though they may claim they are not.

I like virgins myself, although I do not go out of my way to find them. But I do find it a turn off if a guy has had more than 10 boyfriends in his lifetime. I have it in my head that, that means he cannot commit for some reason, or is a liar. Im not saying thats all men, but thats what I have had to deal with.

For me, I would immediately think "man-ho" if you told me that, but then again.....once I get to talk to you and know you some, then I base it on your personality and what kind of person you really are.

So, no I don't think you are a man-ho. And jimcrackcorn is right.......that works out to be about 3 a year for 15 or so years. Which is pretty good.