Mother is trying to cure me from being gay

[Anonymous]

I'm 18 years old guy and there's something I would like to tell you about. I'm gay and I guess I'm one of the rare gay people who never struggled with their sexuality. I accepted myself easily and I've never tortured myself for being gay. I've always accepted my sexuality as a part of me and in a way I'm glad I'm different from most guys. However I never wanted to come out, at least not yet, while I'm still in high school and living together with my mother. I don't have father, my mother says he left us when I was a baby. I've an older brother though, he's married and doesn't live with us.

And so five months ago I met a guy who's now my boyfriend. I always thought I'll have to wait for love for ages, but it came into my life so unexpectedly. My guy is amazing, he makes me so happy ( he's 18 too). We hid our relationships all this time until one day we unfortunately weren't as careful as always and my mum caught us kissing. He reaction wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, because she's quite conservative. She wasn't really angry, she was more like horrified. She was all like "it can't be that you're one of those people", "how could it happen to you". She doesn't even want to pronounce the word gay.

Now all the time she's trying to "cure" me with her methods. She asked my brother to talk with me. He's not homophobe, but he doesn't support gays either. He tried to set himself as an example for me - married and going to be a father soon. He was like "hey, don't you want to be like me, with a nice wife and cute kids?" When I said I don't, I want to be with my boyfriend, he said that gay relationships are nothing more but sex (although we haven't even had sex yet) and that I'm going to end up old and lonely. He told me to stop hurting our mum and dump that gay of mine, as he called my boyfriend. I told him to f*ck off.

One day I came home from school and in our house together with my mum there was some girl. My mum said this girl was our neighbor's daughter and she left us alone. We talked, she was actually very nice girl and she then quietly told me that my mom said she's supposed to make me fall in love with her. Fortunately she turned out to be smart and gay-friendly person.

Finally yesterday my mother told me that she's going to take me to the psychiatrist, because there's something wrong with my head. She was like "if you like boys instead of girls, that's a psychic problem and you're young and it probably can be cured with medicine". Of course I said I'm not going and she then became angry and said she's then bringing the doctor to our house.
What should I do? Should I run away from my own home? I'm 18, so it's not like she could force me to something I don't want, right? Why can't she just accept I'm gay and that's it?

[James]

Didn't say whether a religious household or not, but changing someone's attitude is a difficult thing. I would recommend seeing if there is a Pflag in your community as the have lots of support and material that may help. Also look at the movie "Prayers for Bobby" and see if that might be appropriate. We all support you here, sorry you are going through this, Jim

[matty7]

ask her to watch a movie called "PRAYERS FOR BOBBY" or if she wont at least ask her to google it , its a very difficult movie to watch but it can make people change if they are willing I guess , have a look yourself first so at least you will be informed - that's just one suggestion , im sure others have great advice too


just seen james had mentioned prayers for bobby - trust me , that's a game changer of a movie

[southbiochem]

She won't leave that though. And that's it. I'm not sure how dangerous your environment is.

I know in my country there's no such thing as LGBT centers. Don't know about you.

If you think you have somewhere safe to go, then go.

If not, the smart thing for you is to pretend and lie. For now

Nod, smile, agree, pretend you'll stop seeing the BF, say you're "cured". See if you can get that girl to help by saying you 2 are "dating".

As long as you don't have the means to support yourself, going against her might be dangerous.

As soon as you can support yourself, get out of there.

Also, I don't think any professional psychiatrist (except if a religious one) would say that being gay is a mental illness.

[findingmyway]

I have to agree with southbiochem. If leaving on your own means you are going to be put in an unsafe environment, it might be best to play along for now. It's far from ideal, but we don't want to see you get hurt.
On the other hand, how does your boyfriend's parents feel about homosexuality? Could you stay with them?
I'm so sorry you are going through this. When you move out on your own, you won't have to be around this negativity.

[nfisher1226]

I'd definitely continue to refuse the "offer" to see the doctor. You're 18 so she can't force you.

Running away is actually just leaving home when you're a legal adult. I wouldn't recommend doing it on a whim. Think about it for a bit and decide if leaving is what you want to do. If it is then plan it out thoroughly. But just walking out because you're in a disagreement is likely to hurt you and make it harder to build a good life. You need somewhere to go and some idea what you're going to do.

You can do that without catering to your mom's issues here. Of course, if it seems like she's not going to give up or she might kick you out, then you need to develop a plan a little more quickly.

Pflag is a great place to start honestly. You can not only find a lot of support for yourself there, but maybe some help in figuring out how to help your mom deal with the revelation that you're gay. She obviously hasn't even processed it and is completely in denial, because she won't even use the word gay. Well, pflag is dedicated towards providing support for families and friends of gays. So your mom is actually the exact type of person they're around to try and help. She's not ready for that yet apparently, but if you stand firm long enough to show her that it isn't a phase, she may get there.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

ITs time you educate your mother:

See your being gay is all her fault. She did it to you....

Don't believe me?

https://www.google.com/#q=gay+linked+to+fertile+mother Plenty of sites that discuss the more recent research that finds that the more fertile a woman is the more gay boys she creates.

So, mom is just going to have to face up to the fact that she made you this way, and she can't unmake you nor can she abort at this late stage of the game.

I suggest you read up those links, print up as many pages as possible and hand her the ream of papers and tell her that she needs to get some serious reading first.

Meanwhile... I strongly suggest you start doing whatever you need to do to move out - get a job, save up money, etc.

This notion of being able to 'fix' you and your brother thinking he can convince you to be straight is not a great sign that either one of them will reach acceptance, even when presented with scientific research.

[dfiant]

I don't sense an unsafe environment, I sense a bigotted environment and the challenge here is to educate and enlighten. I sense a unique strength in the 18yo OP.

If a doctor comes to you and tries to 'cure' you and calls homosexuality an 'illness' or 'disease', report him and have him disbarred as a doctor.

Most likely the doctor will see bigotry as the illness so I would go into this experience with a lot less angst that you currently are.

The reality of this situation is your mother and your brother are the 'odd' ones and they are the 2 people that are being left behind. The are both beating their heads against a brick wall completely unaware of what they are risking if they continue on this path of judgement and bigotry.

Most of their actions are going to be met with the same response as the 'blind date' with your young female neighbour.

Be strong as you already have been, keep smiling and have faith that there are more people around you that will stand beside you while you open your Mother and your brothers minds.

All the best

[LONDONER]

Someone else originally posted this and I keep re-posting it.

[Anonymous]

I actually would like to leave home so much, but I don't really have where to go. My mother and my brother are my only relatives and they both think the same. My boyfriend is out to his parents and as I understood from him, they are liberal people, but they don't know me and I don't want to fall upon their heads like some wanderer.

Do you really think I could get a job when I haven't even finished the high school yet?

I just would like to understand my mum. Why is it so tragic to have a gay son? I'm still her child and I'll always be. Shouldn't the fact that your child is healthy and happy be the most important thing for you?