25 year old guy thinking of coming-out. Looking for advice and guidance.

[southbiochem]

You choose the one person you can trust the most and start from there.

Not everyone needs to know, and whatever the reaction you can get, you are supposrting yourself, so they can't really do that much to you if the reaction is not good.

You're on your own now, so it's time to go out here and search for partners, no?

You no longer have to answer to anyone, and you could just find a guy and introduce him to people, just like that.

But, if you feel like you need to tell people. Do it. You have little to lose, and you can start with people close to you.

[hiimlee]

I never expected their to be such controversy and resistance to all this.

I came here looking for advice and guidance - now I'm more confused than ever!? :/

[southbiochem]

I never expected their to be such controversy and resistance to all this.

I came here looking for advice and guidance - now I'm more confused than ever!? :/

Well, sorry about that.

We are all different and with different backgrounds and in different situations. Most of what we would advice, without further knowledge, will be based on personal lines of thinking and personal experiences.

You can expect a lot of contradictions here. You take what serves you well and you ignore the rest if it doesn't apply to you.

So, you say you want to come out. Fom my point of view, given what you have said about yourself you are in a safe place to do so. But some of us say it is not strictly necessary to do so. Still, if you want to:

How do you go about it? Perhaps if you want and feel safe, wear a pflag bracelet. Or you can sit down with people you trust and tell them. Calmly, over a meal,or a coffee. Start by those you trust and care the most. You can simply start by commenting on a guy nearby you find attractive..

usually the first person you tell is the most difficult. It get easier after that.

[Cuddly]

I don't understand why someone who's not in a gay relationship would feel there's any reason to come out.

It's part of your identity. Even if you don't have a partner, it's annoying to be asked if you've found a girlfriend, when you're looking for a boyfriend.

Besides, as you said yourself it's not a big deal. It's only a matter of who you sleep with, which is irrelevant to everybody except yourself, really.

[hiimlee]

Thanks southbiochem. That's helpful. It makes sense that everyone is going to have different opinions. I accept that. I guess what I should take from this is that I need to find my own way. I need to do what I want, and what makes me feel happy and comfortable.

If I feel the need to come out - I should just go ahead and do it. If not, then that's fine too.

Thanks everyone for your advice, and for expressing your different perspectives. It's been educational.

[driftwood]

I never expected their to be such controversy and resistance to all this.

I came here looking for advice and guidance - now I'm more confused than ever!? :/

That's the strength of this forum. We have widely differing points of view. To get even more perspective, try looking through the old threads in the Coming Out section, or just do a search on "coming out".

[nfisher1226]

Thanks southbiochem. That's helpful. It makes sense that everyone is going to have different opinions. I accept that. I guess what I should take from this is that I need to find my own way. I need to do what I want, and what makes me feel happy and comfortable.

If I feel the need to come out - I should just go ahead and do it. If not, then that's fine too.

Thanks everyone for your advice, and for expressing your different perspectives. It's been educational.

You have it exactly. The only thing we really have in common here by and large is that we're not straight, or if we are then we're the open minded variety of straight. We're as different from each other as we are from the average straight person, except with a likelihood of certain shared experiences.

So while you can definitely learn something from each person who has chimed in, ultimately you make the decisions for your own life and have to use your own brain to do so.

Best of luck. And stick around. This group is at turns entertaining, supportive, enlightening, aggrevating, etc. It's not boring.

[Drew]

I don't understand why someone who's not in a gay relationship would feel there's any reason to come out.

I kept waiting to find a boyfriend before telling my parents. I kept that line of logic running in my head, that it wasn't worth it until I had a "good enough reason" to tell them.

I'm glad I didn't wait until then, because I'd still be in the closet.

It's a huge, energy-burning, soul-crushing, emotionally-draining burden to stay in the closet.

I was tired of dodging questions of "why don't you have a girlfriend yet?" and pretending to be amused when my dad would say things like "chasing the ladies recently?" etc.

It. Got. Tiring.

So I came out. I'm glad I did.

[hiimlee]

Drew I feel the same way. This is one of the main reasons I want to come out too.

Also, everyone who says they came out always follows up with something like "I'm glad I did" and often with something to the effect of "I wished I'd done it sooner"

[chillythoughts]

Ok I'm gonna reply mind you I only read the original post and dfiants reply.

Im with dfiant on what he said. I hate people who self diagnose. Ive been diagnosed with depression and schizophrenia. And it irritates me to end of the earth when people do this self diagnosis stuff.

Now on to coming out.

I was in your boat. I came out when I was 24 and Im 29 now. I lost friends and drifted from friends I was close with to the point of never talking again. and well my family is a whole different story. I have nothing to do with those homophobic bible thumping people.

I really I couldnt flaunt myself (in retrospect) in front of my family without being bashed. I went through really bad periods when living with that so called family. but everyone in my life is gay or gay-friendly now.

so be careful and be well aware that it may not go over so well coming out but you need to understand that not everyone has supportive families and I greatly admire those people as I had a tough time coming out.