I'm not sure who I am because of this guy

[loserguy]

If you spend most of your time with someone and get on well it is only natural that you would grow closer.
Do not worry about him for the moment.
Some people treasure a close friendship and nothing more.
As regards yourself you seem to have developed physical feelings for him. That is not unnatural either. The only thing I would say is that to suppress those feelings might lead to your being unhappy? There is no shame in loving somebody. Any kind of love is good.

What you do is up to you but it might be better to follow your heart? There should be no regrets in life.

[swalter]

You need to take responsibility for your feelings. It's not fair to blame this guy for the way you feel, and the emotions you are experiencing. It's not his fault that you feel this way.

Having said that, what you are feeling is natural. As the others have pointed out, sexuality is a spectrum. One one end is heterosexuality, and on the other end is homosexuality. We all fall somewhere in between. So, you shouldn't feel ashamed or bad about yourself for having these feelings.

Before you bring this guy into it, I think you need some time to reflect and get a better understanding of what, exactly, you are feeling. If you have another close friend you can confide in, maybe you could talk with them about it and get some support. Or, talk to us. Point is, get some compassionate, objective support to Hash out what you are going through.

If you do decide to talk to your friend about this, be kind to him. It's very easy to project, and misplace anger and resentment, especially when your ego and identity are concerned. Remember, your feelings are not his fault. He may be a catalyst, or focal point for your feelings, but they are yours.

If you want to talk more, you're welcome to PM me. Don't worry, buddy. You're not broken and this will work itself out. Keep your head up!

[Woollyhats]

Hey... You're the same person you always were.

You seem to be afraid that you might be bisexual here. Don't be, because honestly, even if you are, that just means you can date whichever gender you choose. It's sometimes referred to as bisexual privilege because of this.

All that means is, is that if you like this guy you can date him. Or maybe you won't. Consider that he may not even like you.... And also know that even though he is unpopular now, that will someday change. Don't feel that you should date him because you feel sorry for him.

As is always the case, you should date who you fall in love with.

Let go of the fear and just let yourself experience love for whoever you fall in love with. Will it be this boy? Couldn't tell you. But if it is, it's nothing to be afraid of. It doesn't change who you are.

[Anonymous]

I know what’s happening with me now is not my friend’s fault. I never wanted to blame him, he’s very dear to me. However I still don’t get it, how can it be that you like girls and girls only and suddenly out of nowhere you’re into this guy? I’ve never heard about something like this happening.

„Are you attracted to him? Can you see yourself caring for him, holding him close, and being intimate with him?”

Unfortunately yes, but I would never tell it to him.

“How many other gay guys have you decided to be white knight for? Are you prone to step in and defend everyone, or is he kinda sorta special from the onset?”

He’s the first gay person I’ve defended. But no, it’s not about him being special. It’s just that I’m not the one who’ll stand quietly and watch while someone else is abused. I’ve protected small children from bullies who tried to take away their lunch money. It just happened that now it’s him.

„Can you accept being - slightly - bisexual? “

I probably could accept being bisexual, but I think that if you like someone, you know it from the very beginning already. If you’re bisexual, you’ve been paying attention to both guys and girls always, no? Does it really happen that you like girls all the time and then you’re suddenly like “oh wait, I like a guy too”.

[Chimpy]

You could be bisexual but just never met a guy you've been attracted to before. I know guys that have never paid any attention to anyone - girl or boy - until they've met someone that sparked their interest.

Are you attracted to him? Can you see yourself caring for him, holding him close, and being intimate with him?

Unfortunately yes, but I would never tell it to him.

Sorry if this sounds direct, I think you might need to get over this. I only say this from a caring point of view.

In my experience, burying your feelings only makes things worse in the long term. I've been in that place and it just leads to unhappiness and frustration.

This sounds like something that has been on your mind for quite a while, and it's probably not going to go away.

As the bottom line I would say to accept your feelings, then talk to your friend about it and just see where it goes, and enjoy the ride, whatever happens. If he is a true friend (and it sounds like he is) he will understand. If you decide to be more than friends, that's fantastic, if you both decide to remain just best buddies, that's great too.

It's a win-win situation if you think about it.

Hope this helps, and feel welcome to visit us here anytime you want to.

[TonyAndonuts]

For my whole life, I always thought I was straight too. I only paid attention to girls, only fantasized about myself being with a girl, only watch porn with girls in it, only looked at girls on the street, etc. But now I feel like I'm much more into guys. I still like girls, but I tend to focus on guys more now. I'm still not exactly sure why, but I did realize that I'd always had a curiosity for guys. I can recall multiple instances where a guy caught my eye or I see a very sexual picture of a guy online, but I immediately stop myself from feeling anything from it. If I saw a cute guy on the street, I'd tell myself it means nothing and it's totally fine to admire another guy's looks. If I saw some half naked male model, I'd force myself to look away and tell myself I didn't like it, but deep down I'd want to look. Now, I don't hold anything back. I just let it go and feel whatever I feel.

So my question for you is, can you think of any other similar instances? Have you ever felt anything for the same sex, but held it back? You may have done it without really realizing it. It's only when I really thought about it that I realized what I was doing.

[Ryocchi]

I know what’s happening with me now is not my friend’s fault. I never wanted to blame him, he’s very dear to me. However I still don’t get it, how can it be that you like girls and girls only and suddenly out of nowhere you’re into this guy? I’ve never heard about something like this happening.

„Are you attracted to him? Can you see yourself caring for him, holding him close, and being intimate with him?”

Unfortunately yes, but I would never tell it to him.

“How many other gay guys have you decided to be white knight for? Are you prone to step in and defend everyone, or is he kinda sorta special from the onset?”

He’s the first gay person I’ve defended. But no, it’s not about him being special. It’s just that I’m not the one who’ll stand quietly and watch while someone else is abused. I’ve protected small children from bullies who tried to take away their lunch money. It just happened that now it’s him.

„Can you accept being - slightly - bisexual? “

I probably could accept being bisexual, but I think that if you like someone, you know it from the very beginning already. If you’re bisexual, you’ve been paying attention to both guys and girls always, no? Does it really happen that you like girls all the time and then you’re suddenly like “oh wait, I like a guy too”.

It happens, in my therapy group there is this guy, he 's 27 and had been straight all his life and one day he was with buddy on his car driving somewhere and stopped on a red light a guy crosses by, his friend snickered him and told him he looked at the dude like he was a girl, that's how happened for him, there was this other dude he's like super manly, 46, mustache and everything, he was going through a severe depression and a divorce, prior to this he had been depressed for a long time, he was married, father or three kids and he didn't know why, after almost a year in therapy they did some regression and discovered he had been intimate with his best friend when he was a teen and he liked it, and had suppressed it all this time.

you can be straight or gay your whole life but sometimes the right person comes of the wrong gender and shatters all your views.

I wish you the best, whatever you decide.