Guy I'm dating going back to his "ex"

[wtm]

Is there a cumulative effect to long suffering and denial?

I'm not sure I know what you mean. Is 4 or 5 days "long suffering" (i.e., too long to wait)?

[southbiochem]

It seems to me that this guy is curious about what would've happened if he had gone throught with the first relationship. No one suddenly has a "let's have a break" outburst over an exes call if he truly loved the current guy he's with.

For all we know he may even be into the intensity of the "drama" he had with the first guy.

All in all, he's being an idiot. You don't really need someone like that with you. You can do better and SHOULD aim for better.

[wtm]

It seems to me that this guy is curious about what would've happened if he had gone throught with the first relationship. No one suddenly has an "let's have a break" outburst over an exes call if he truly loved the current guy heps with.

For all we know he may even be into the intensity of the "drama" he had with the first guy.

All in all, he's being an idiot. You don't really need someone like that with you. You can do better and SHOULD aim for better.

I agree on the "curious" part. But he never "asked for a break" - he only mentioned getting the call from the "ex" & that he "had unresolved feelings for the guy that he thought would be gone by now" (sparked by the call perhaps? idk).

But, where were these feelings 2 or 6 months ago? My main question is WHY even mention the "ex" to me at all? Just say "it's not working out" - we break up/end - he can then date the "ex" again or whatever he wants? There wouldn't be any confusion if he'd simply said "I want to pursue my unresolved feelings for my ex so I am ending our relationship"? Was he trying to make me say "fuck you, get out" so he'd be off the hook? Seems a lot easier for both of us if he'd simply stated: "I want to break up, sorry, bye" & left out anything about the "ex". etc.

[dfiant]

you are over thinking the whole situation and trying to justify a cunt being a cunt...I don't care if he is 49 or 19, his little head is doing all of his thinking. I don't care if he is a good father, as a BF he is a cunt.

What you are doing is bringing yourself down to his level...this is going to end badly ofr all 3 of you because it isn't going to last with the 'ex' and when it collapses in a shit heap, guess what is going to happen when he has no one to fuck.

I LOVE YOU...and you sound like the sort of person that would take him back until he happens to find another ex that he dated for 4 weeks.

More power to you bro

[loserguy]

You say he wasn't that into you but he is incapable of being into anybody.
Stop blaming yourself. Nothing you or anyone could do would have made any difference.
This guy is a coward who cannot commit and when the going gets tough he gets going - home!

He isn't even man enough to tell you the truth but uses that story with his ex.
It is nothing to do with his ex. He made the decision with no regard for you.

He who lives by the sword should die by it. So cut him off now and start walking.
You will look back in while and see him as most of us do - a FWB (Fucker without balls).

[wtm]

I guess I have to make sense of it because idk wtf happened. You all have valid points but somehow I need to figure out if "he's a bum" or if he has feelings 4 the "ex" all of the sudden then so be it. Idk whether to be mad that he did it & handled it terribly or if I can't blame him - he feels what he feels, he can't help that.

I'm still assuming he'll call me sooner than later because he said he would & never stated "we're over, nice knowing ya" or whatever. Maybe I'll just never hear from him? Who knows? It seems a helluva a way to end a year & half relationship to expect me to "assume" we're broken up because one night he mentions he has feelings for his "ex" & leaves saying for us both "to have time to process all this". If he'd made his final decision &/or is already WITH the "ex" then WHY would he even bother to string me along another minute, let alone days or we'll see how long?? I basically asked him that night: "what am I supposed to say?" & "what am I supposed to do?" & got no real answer. Seems to me if it was a done deal he'd have said: "well, I'm ending our relationship to go resolve or pursue things with my "ex".

I guess I am the crazy one for trying to make sense of it

[trywait]

I guess I am the crazy one for trying to make sense of it

nope....just needed someone else's point of view

[wtm]

Thanks for the advice & opinions. Alone in my city so idk how I'm gonna make it by myself w/o him. A simple "it's not working out I wanna end it" would've been far far easier to understand & cope with. As it happened it is 100x worse.