My boyfriend and I have finally gone all the way, but neither of us have really had anal before, we have always been the tops. I have attempted it before, but I did not find it enjoyable. So when we finally did have sex, I chose to be the one to be on the receiving end, because, though he wants to try it, he is not 100% ready to try it. When we did though, I could barely handle it, I mean at first it kinda hurt, but after a while that stopped, but once the pain stopped, I just couldn't handle it still. It wasn't painful, just a huge amount of pressure. I mean parts were okay, but when the pressure kicked in, I just couldn't take it. Its like I had to go to the bathroom, which I have been told is normal. We got through the first time, I endured it, but the next time we had sex I just couldn't do it. Same feeling, just couldn't do it. We took all the proper steps, lube, etc, but I just couldn't. So does anyone have any tips on how we can make it more pleasurable for me? I mean it wasn't a horrible thing, but the only part that really was enjoyable was just being close with him. I mean there were some spots that felt okay, but I want it to be good for both of us. Any ideas. There was only one position I could bare it. That was me stratling him, and being in control, but still was not the greatest, so any help would be great. Thank you.
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You're a top. Don't try to force it. Now that you've tried being a bottom, it's your BFs turn. Maybe he'll like it, maybe he won't.
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Might as well ask how you can become a porpoise or an elephant or any other thing that is not you. Two tops do not make a bottom, two bottoms do not make a top....*
*This is an ancient joke of mine which Chorus (bless his heart) would immediately go into a fit of rage.....
Being a top or being a bottom is more than just liking having (or not) a dick up your ass. Its a whole body, mind, soul, heat sort of thing.
Better analogy: Are you willing to become a woman if he wanted you to be a woman?
No? Why not? Because its not who and what you are.
While I'm not saying being a bottom means your a woman... I'm saying that being a top is who and what you are, just like being male is and asking you to change being who and what you are to be something you are not never ends well no matter what the change is.
That fullness, that being 'OMG I'm being stuffed' is the turn on to being a bottom.... feeling your man inside of you and WANTING him inside of you is what being a bottom is all about. YOU find it uncomfortable, bottoms find it a whole new level of pleasurable.... Something that you can't make yourself feel.
No more than you can become pregnant and carry a baby to term....
Sorry.
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Cake. Cake makes sex better.
That, and chocolate syrup.
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I agree with others here - I'm sorry to say you just may not be sexually compatible. If you're both not at least Top/vers - it's not going to work out sexually. You could always just leave anal off the table and stick to other things (promise not to revoke your "queer membership" if you don't do anal sex. You both could also consider bringing in a 3rd (Bottom) for safe play. Someone who WANTs it. If that's something you both can handle. I am a vers and My bf of 15 years was only a top - he just couldn't take being a bottom. I didn't get what I wanted/needed (to top once in a while) and so ultimately we were not compatible and did end the relationship (for this and other reasons).
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I think that's perfectly normal and nothing to worry about. These things take some practice and anxiety is probably not helping either. Don't forget to use lots of lube, lots of saliva and a good lubricated condom. Some guys use poppers to help with penetration but it's not exactly healthy and could lower your blood pressure.
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