Feeling alone in a relationship

[Matt84]

Ok so I just found condoms lube and sex toys in his bedroom drawer

[Matt84]

if he is truly asexual , that's not something he can change . it's a valid sexual orientation like being gay , straight , bisexual etc .

but , he's had "many" sexual partners before you ? was this before he discovered his asexuality ? because it seems strange (to me , at least , maybe i'm totally wrong) that someone could suddenly discover that they were asexual after so many intimate relationships .
maybe someone who knows more about it can explain ?

i believe in asexuality completely . i know that an asexual person can be romantically interested in other people and form good relationships . but surely someone who is asexual would know this early on , rather than after "many" relationships ?

i think there's something else going on with him ... you should talk to him about things

Ok so I just found sex toys condoms and lube in his bedside drawer

[megumidesu]

Ok so I just found sex toys condoms and lube in his bedside drawer

definitely ask him about those.
if he is asexual , then it's possible that he has those things from before he met you ... when he wasn't sure if he was really asexual and wanted to find out for sure. so it could be totally innocent.

but it's definitely something you should ask him about . because he could be lying about a lot of stuff...

[Matt84]

He's just moved is with me and house mates I help him with his stiff and never saw it.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Mmmm. so four months into the relationship and he's moved in with you. This is a key piece of information.

What do you know about his background? By this I mean his financial standing, home situation, what did he move out of to move in with you? Who raised the subject of you moving in together?

Does he work, and have an income, have you agreed on splitting costs/bills etc?

The reason Im asking is that Ive seen it too many times where a couple decide to cohabit, but its actually been manipulated by one of the individuals and usually for their own convenience.

ObW
X

[Cuddly]

The reason Im asking is that Ive seen it too many times where a couple decide to cohabit, but its actually been manipulated by one of the individuals and usually for their own convenience.

ObW
X

So he's asexual but has dildos, lube and condoms? Sounds more like he's a regular 26 year old who satisfies his needs without you, either with somebody else or with his toys. Maybe he has had bad experiences with sex and that's why he wants to avoid it.. Or maybe he's just not attracted to you and only use you because he needs a place to live.
If what Obiwan wrote is indeed the case... Kick him the fuck out and find somebody who is attracted to you and loves you (not your flat).

[Bowyn Aerrow]

" I know he has had many sexual partners before me and it is starting to upset me that other people have been lucky enough to be intimate with him but me, the man he loves, there is none."

Yeah that makes this kinda hard to swallow.


Asexuality strikes be as being a bit 'odd'. While it does happen occasionally, I fear there is another potential issue here that is often (way hella often) called 'asexuality' and that is sexual anorexia.

There are a lot of sites out there that compare the two conditions: Google Links


This Site on this Subject lays out three big contenders with links to other sites. But there are many sites which touch on this subject.

Since he has has sex with 'many' partners before this tells me there is something up here - an asexual person will have sex with one or three partners and do it because the partner wants it not because they want it.... sort of like you getting ready to chemically castrate yourself for him.


Ask him if he has ever heard of sexual anorexia... if not, then the chances are even higher that he has self diagnosed himself wrong.

I personally wouldn't put up with a sexless relationship.... I did that for 12 of the 14 years of my last relationship... I ain't doing it ever again... It is a lot harder than it may first appear...

[Matt84]

Thanks to everyone for your help it has been much appreciated