Can't get over him....

[JerseyBoy423]

So, long story short. I met this guy. He was great at first. We instantaneously connected. We got involved and dated for around 6-7 months. I won't get into too many details but he hurt me in the end. I know I was so good to him, and I put him before myself which I never should have done, only to have him take advantage of me and hurt me. I broke up with him and It was so hard to believe someone I cared so much for/was so good too could hurt me like that. The break up process was long and difficult. It took me a really long time to get over him. We live in the same town so we sometimes run into each other often. I ignored him every time we ran into each other. It was just easier to do. I would feel bad doing it but what he did to me, I felt he didn't deserve me to be nice to him. It's been 9 months since we broke up and in the past 2 months I felt like I was over him so I started to say hello. It was always awkward and I guess I was a bit quick. But the other night I was at a bar with my friends and he happened to be there. He approached me and said hello. I said hi back in the usual awkward tone but then he asked how I was doing and stuff like that. We spent the whole night chatting and I can honestly say it was a genuine conversation. He actually seemed interested in what I was doing with my life, etc. Towards the end of the night he gave me a really big hug. Told me him and his family missed me (His family loves me and stayed in contact with me after the break up because they knew what a jerk he had been to me and I didn't deserve that). And then he said he would really like to be friends. I told him plain and simple I had fun tonight catching up but he knows my number and he can call me. (Will not be making any first moves). HE then again gave me another big hug. It was nice to make peace with him but since the other night I've been thinking about him and all those feelings seem to have come flooding back. I honestly don't know if I can be just friends? Can any ex relationships actually be just friends?? I'm remaining strong and not making any of the moves being that he needs to prove himself to me before I can let him in again, but at the same time I just can't seem to get him out of my head. I don't think I can ever think of him as just a friend, and after the other night I had a really good time so it's hard to want to block him completely from my life. It's like I thought I was over him after all these months and now I realize I'm not. My head is in constant overdrive thinking things like DOes he really want to be just friends? or Does he want me back? And if he wants me back will he be the man I need him to be or will I just get hurt all over again? Its just so complicated, need some advice I guess?

[Padshach]

Okay, this is just my take, but I think the best way to heal is to accept what has happened, dig deep and move on. If you've still got love to give - give it someone else.

[Chimpy]

I think it's possible to be too much in love. I've been there, in a completely one-sided relationship (the guy wouldn't come out to me, even). In my mind this guy was perfect and I idolised him. Looking back I can see it was a destructive relationship but I couldn't see it until I had got him out of my system. Now I think he's a selfish arrogant sh*t.

For me it took time, making new friends and gaining feelings for new people, that snapped me out of it.

Hope that helps.

[southbiochem]

You broke up with him for a reason.

If you think he wants you back, which you can't really tell as of now, he needs to prove change in the behavior that made you leave him.

Now, many ex's turn out to be friends, that's normal. Others can't, also normal.

Ultimately it is on you whether you can cope being just friends with him having the current feelings resurfacing.

Can you? If so, there is not much trouble, if you keep weary of any red flag resurfacing also.

[Evan88]

Can any ex relationships actually be just friends??

Yes, I think so. Most especially if the reason that you 2 broke up was not because of a third party, or nothing really worse. It takes time to have a platonic love for someone you really loved romantically..

My head is in constant overdrive thinking things like DOes he really want to be just friends? or Does he want me back?

What he did is quite a mixed signal, I can't really tell you if he wants you again.. Cause maybe he just wanted to be friends and he doesn't want you to hold any grudges with the past you both had.

You will know it if he wants you again..

I am not a person who is good in reading between the lines, so i only know it when someone is being direct to me. So if he will ask you if you can get back together and date again, that is clear. But with the actions she showed you, I'm not certain. He might just missed you..

And if he wants me back will he be the man I need him to be or will I just get hurt all over again?

Can't tell. Yes, because maybe things have changed and you both learned a lot from the past.. Love is sweeter the 2nd time around, but not for all. It actually depends if you two would make things work for each other..and if you can correct the past mistakes

[Charon]

At first you talk about how you did everything for him....which sounds more like a crush with a side dish of lust. These things never do work out but that doesn't mean the two of you cannot be friends. That you have now got the earlier silliness out of you, perhaps it could be restarted but on a more adult level. He has made a good faith attempt to be friendly and nothing you describe suggests that when you broke up it was done with a right upper cut. See what happens. His family likes you, he apparently cared enough to made an effort....of course, if the phone doesn't ring, you'll know it was him and what to do about it.