Anti-men jokes
Sagittarius
04-07-2014, 02:06 PM
Men often make jokes about women. Some of them are even funny. So I'm sure they won't mind a little fun at their expense!
Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: because they are plugged into a genius
Q: Why don't women blink during sex?
A: they don't have enough time
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: they don't stop to ask directions
Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties
Q: Why did god make men before women?
A: you need a rough draft before you make a final copy
Q: How many men does it take to put a toilet seat down?
A: don't know. It never happened
Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart. Then you are just an old sour fart!
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma.'
And they say blondes are dumb...
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.' The woman replies,
'I'll miss you...'
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor.
The Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual..'
Nothing above should offend unless you can't stand your smile pushing your ears back.
Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: because they are plugged into a genius
Q: Why don't women blink during sex?
A: they don't have enough time
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: they don't stop to ask directions
Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties
Q: Why did god make men before women?
A: you need a rough draft before you make a final copy
Q: How many men does it take to put a toilet seat down?
A: don't know. It never happened
Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart. Then you are just an old sour fart!
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma.'
And they say blondes are dumb...
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.' The woman replies,
'I'll miss you...'
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor.
The Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual..'
Nothing above should offend unless you can't stand your smile pushing your ears back.
"You can be young without money but you can't be old without money"
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
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