Am I Gay?

[whatami]

Hi all,

Youngish male in UK here, trying to figure out what the hell is going on with me.

I'm 25, always considered myself 'straight', always been with women and in relationships with only women etc.

Thing is though, I started having urges to do things with guys.. fantasy's really. I didn't and don't 'fancy' or build up a proper attraction to men but the thought of physically doing things is a turn on for me. Eventually I gave in and had an experience with a man. It's only ever been oral sex. I've done this a few times randomly over the last few years - not in a year or so now though mind.

Occasionally I get off to gay porn videos but not a lot. I only really 'fancy' girls.

What the hell is going on with me?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You're most likely slightly bisexual. Perhaps something on the order of 90% straight with a 10% leaning for homosexual activities (sex).

Through the decades polls and research pretty much reveal that most people are actually slightly bi in a similar fashion - they have thought about a sex encounter with the opposite gender they typically prefer, or even have the occasional sex experience.

While it is called 'sexual identity' - I think that the labels, Gay, Straight and Bi should be re-named to take the emphasis off the sex part.

I believe that what really determines our sexual orientation is not who we can have sex with, but who we can form lasting relationships with.

So I guess you can call yourself 'bi-curious' if you want, or 'slightly bi'.. However if you are only able to form relationships with women, I think it is safe to say that your technically a straight man with tendencies toward homoerotic activities.

[southbiochem]

Nothing particularly strage is happening to you. You are simply, from the info you've given us, a bisexual man, with a strong preference for women.

But then again, when it comes to men it's only about sexusl activities, no?

So I would call you bi-curious, maybe. But the fact remain that your overal dating preference is strongly straight.

[Chimpy]

I would say you need to be sure in your mind what you feel and be honest with yourself. Without them realising it, there is a immense pressure on young people growing up to be "normal" and we tend to conform even if we're not aware of it.

It's very easy for us to think we like something when actually we're just following the crowd. I think this applies to sexuality as well.

You're not alone in feeling this way. Myself, some people I've known personally and also many people on this site have been or are confused with their sexual identity. There's no hard and fast rule because it's different for everyone.

I think the most important thing is to not put up any barriers to your own identity. If you have feelings for guys then be open to it, don't bury it else you're hiding away part of yourself. It really is nothing to be ashamed off, in the same way someone might be left handed or have blonde hair.

[Woollyhats]

You're on the bi-sexual scale. It's actually very normal, and a lot of 'straight' people are just like you (and no one would ever know).

Here's a picture to help visualize.

[loserguy]

Why label yourself?

You never mentioned whether you enjoyed oral or not?
If you did, do it again. If you want to take things further, do so.
It is not a question of labeling yourself but rather doing the things and leading the lifestyle that makes you feel happy once it is legal and doesn't involve hurting other people.

By the way, there is no shame in being straight:dance3:

[Wolfpack]

Like the others have stated you are probably bi-sexual.

Do not be ashamed of the feelings you have ,and if you decide to want to act on them allow yourself to do this.

Most people on this site have struggled with regards to their sexuality so you are not alone.
Repressing one's sexuality can be damaging to mental health and welbeing.

However you decide to proceed remember you are the person you are supposed to be and there is nothing wrong in that.

[freelandia]

Just let your love flow like a mountain stream
And let your love grow with the smallest of dreams
And let your love show and you'll know what I mean
It's the season

Forget labels.

[whatami]

Thanks for the replies all.

I did enjoy the oral. Comes and goes in phases but I'd say I fancy and date women and then once in a blue moon have a short bout of urges.. which has occasionally resulted in NSA experimenting..

[jogu656]

I think you are just curious because like you mentioned you've gotten off to gay porn, you see something that causes you pleasure so your first instinct is to wonder how it would feel in real life. i dated a guy that got off to watching golden showers, now he didn't try it with me, but i did learn he did try it and hated it, so you never know how you might react until you try it, but in my opinion the more you watch the more your desire to try it will be.