He loves me but act like ... Idk !!

[Ibraa]

Hay guys...

I'm sorry I have bad English

Anyway
Me and my bf we love each other so much, I know he want to be with me for the rest of his life and so do I, I have no doubt about that...

The problem is .. I don't think I'm sexy enough for him
Let me explain ( we live apart, I'm in Asia and he is In NYC and as soon as I got vacation I get the first flight to see him and he become the happiest guy in the world, the problem is every time we met I always start the first move and he always top, ( I'm not 100% bottom) but because he is the love of my life I'll do anything for him, sometimes he ask me if I wanna top him and I always say ( anything you want) but then nothing and I know he was bottom most of the time with his ex so if he want me to top him he should start the move right?
The other problem is we text each other every single day most of the day and I always try to make him horny so we can do something but he asked me to do it by myself ( not in selfish way ) he just said I'm not horny, most of the time like that , and then I asked him ( when you going to do it tell me to help you ) but he never ask me and then I figure that he did it without asking me
I need some advice guys please
What's should I do ???? How to know if I'm good for him or not ?
I need him in my life I really do

[Ryocchi]

Tell him straight "I want to top you." and go from there, it is going to be a little awkward the first time anyway, show him your topping skills and maybe this could ignite his horniness for you, I don't have all the facts but from what I can see when he ask if you want to top him, you respond in a passive way, like saying "I don't want to but I'll do if you want me to." which your boyfriend ends up topping you not wanting to force you to do something you don't want, be more assertive of what you want! you need to communicate more with him, you say the two of you speak and text nonstop but what you need is too sit down and talk about where do you want to take the relationship, set your boundaries and discover each other's likes, dislikes and kinks.

[southbiochem]

Well saying "anything you want" is politically correct and super sweet, at least in the first stages. But as of now you CAN be more assertive you know?

Tell him straight up that you wanna switch roles in the bedroom.

As for initiation, he maybe laid back or shy and that doesn't necessarily means he doesn't find you attractive. Maybe you can discuss this with him too. Tell him you would like if he would take the iniciative every now and then.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

sometimes he ask me if I wanna top him and I always say ( anything you want) but then nothing

Well I don't know how its done in your country... but when someone asks you if you wanna top (or do anything for that matter) 'anything you want' is usually not a happy response... After all the person wants to know what it is YOU want.

And no, if he wants you to top him there is no reason why he must take the initiative.

"Anything you want." This sounds like you are just willing to give up whatever it is you want to appease or please him. Without a definite 'yes/no' to go on he is going to err on the side of caution and assume that you really ain't wanting to top him, but are willing to do it if he insists.

If you want to be top once in a while you need to tell him point blank 'Hey, I want to top you once in a while - half the time, a majority of the time - always... whatever it is you really want.

I know he was bottom most of the time with his ex so if he want me to top him he should start the move right?

Actually this is the last thing to expect to happen. Most (not all) bottoms are passive people, submissive. This is not just a roll in bed, this is a character/personality thing that often seeps out in every aspect of day to day life.

Since he is topping you there is definitely a sexual attraction, especially if he has done the bottom thing mostly in past relationships - this means he really wants to please you and since you are throwing out 'whatever you want' as a reply, he doesn't know what it is you really want and assumes that what you two got going on (him topping, you bottoming) is what you really want.

I hail from the BDSM scene - BDSM is one of those things that need clear, concise communication of likes and dislikes, limits and what it is one really wants from what sex they have with their partner. There is a lot - a whole hella lot, of discussion in healthy BDSM relationships.

One of the things BDSM folk have are 'checklists' - http://www.cepemo.com/checklist.html is an example of one. Both parties or all parties concerned get handed a blank form and they fill it out as honestly as they can. This takes the doubt and uncertainty out of the whole 'did I mention I don't do foot worship?'...

In your case, I think you two need to write down your own checklist... unless you two are into BDSM then by all means use any of the checklists that can be found via Google: https://www.google.com/#q=gay+BDSM+checklist

This is not a 'whatever you want' sort of thing... this is a 'This is what I like, and this is what I am willing to do to meet your needs.

Couples counselors also suggest that if a person has a favorite bit of porn that the couple should watch it together. Mind - without judgement. This way your partner gets to see what it is that tickles your fancy without having to actually talk about it. On top of that couples counselors also like to suggest porn watching in general for couples to give them new ideas to spice up their love life.

The other problem is we text each other every single day most of the day and I always try to make him horny so we can do something but he asked me to do it by myself ( not in selfish way ) he just said I'm not horny, most of the time like that , and then I asked him ( when you going to do it tell me to help you ) but he never ask me and then I figure that he did it without asking me

I guess you are into BDSM - you got a sadistic streak....

What would getting him horny accomplish? There is a lot of the earth between you two... so getting him hot and bothered only gets frustration since he can't turn to you to exercise that sexual frustration YOU are trying to create.

What most likely could (and will) happen if you get him sexually frustrated enough is that he will find ways to scratch that itch. You didn't say if you were in an open relationship - either way, get a man horny enough long enough and he will seriously consider a sexual hook-up on the side to release that built up pressure.

[Ibraa]

Thank you Ryocchi
Thank you Southbiochem
Than Bowyn Aerroe

Thank you so much guys for your help
I really appreciate you this