Help Gay Guy loves straight guy

[2010Lack2010]

Hi there so I have a Problem that I would love anyone to help me with please

Ok so Iam gay and 19 iam out to everyone, I work in a call centre and about a year
ago i started speak to this straight guy, hes a year older than me and so hot.
He's into sports i.e football (soccer). We first started speaking after a work weekend away
and i started of emailing him i grew in confidence and over the months used to flirt with
him telling him he was hot etc and that i wanted to go and watch him play footbal to see
his legs etc and he wasnt botherd by this he was up for it. He has a child of 3 and
is very manly goes about with straight guy etc dresses straight etc, Recetly i have fallen
in love with him and i decided to tell him he said he wasnt botherd and would act the same
way towards me. He has also sent me pictures of himself in his boxers and of his body etc
and recetly one naked but its of his bum and back etc he his on off gf is currently pregnant
with his 2nd child. He does seem to be protective over me and i do get jealous when
he gets with girls but i let him know this, He does often say he is sorry he isnt gay etc
the other day he hugged me and then text me saying " ly mate xx " wee always email one another
in work and he sometimes puts xx or other days xxxxxx and (L) etc. I find i fall out with
alot because i really like him. At then end of the working day we always right " ly xxx " but my head is confused i dont know if he does have feelings for me or not
i think if he was drunk stuff would happen but i want more, He has been to 2 girls houses over the past
week but also sent me 2 pictures over 2 mornings of him in a towel and other one naked but you see the back
of him can people advise me what they think of this please.....If you want to know anymore please just ask
thanks. p.s i love him lots
xx

[fenris]

Hi and welcome....

This is a very well known problem .... I know it from some friends. What I can advice you is : Do not talk with him about all things like " I love you " ... that hurts YOU .. not him .. he is a or your best friend not more ! If he sends you pic of him in underware and so on ... don´t open... say him, its not a good thing.
See him like a friend ... not like a maybe partner... that would force you to be jealous ... and a jealous friend can´t be a right friend....
I know your feelings .. try to build up a mental border ... don´t start you brain-cinema with things you would do with him .... see him like a brother... thats the best way... I think.

[2010Lack2010]

THanks I just what i needed to hear, i know its like he likes the attention but I cant get it through my head why he would be like this and any other straight guys are not this is what confuses me I wouldnt want to sleep with him and then it be awkward. x

[princealbertofb]

It is quite possible that your friend does love you, but in a friendly way. He knows that you seeing him scantily clad pleases you, since you've told him he was hot... He may be a little bit of an exhibitionist and surely a little bit of a flirt, but maybe he doesn't realise (not being gay) what this is actually provoking in you. Maybe his pregnant girlfriend isn't giving him that much attention at the moment, on account of the pregnancy, and so he's enjoying yours.

I don't think we can assume from any of this that this is more than a very close friendship. Maybe he is the kind to dish out love easily (by love, I mean respect of the other person and liking them enough to feel comfortable being with them, even seeking their company.) Some men (people) are like that.

The other possibility is that he is in fact bisexual and likes to get attention from both sides, but it's just easier, socially, to be with a girlfriend, especially if you are the father of not one, but nearly two kids. (I'm sure Marshlander can relate to this.)

I also think that it would be normal for you to fall in love with a man whom you not only find hot, but you also find good company. So could it be that you are in such a state of wanting companionship that you are ready to settle your choice on someone who is not free? Is it your way of not having to deal with finding a suitable partner (in terms of availability and sexual orientation)?

You say you are out to everyone, so ought to be comfortable meeting new potential partners. By focusing on him, you are really depriving yourself of good opportunities of meeting Mr Right (or a Mr Right). It will, if this continues that way, be a bit like stalking him, which he might find amusing at first but will get tired of in the end (I'm also talking about how to manage the "jealousy" bit).

If this friend is just a good friend (in his book), then he ought to be happy for you to find someone with whom you can have a full romantic, sexual and social relationship. Would you ask him if that's how he feels? Maybe he only feels towards you a brotherly feeling, but not enough to cross boundaries. If he does feel he could cross boundaries, then maybe you can both explore that, but make sure he would feel and especially you would feel comfortable with that, knowing what the odds are that he'll never be yours.

Last possible case, he's gay and hasn't come to terms with it yet... In this day and age, though, it's less likely than when I was young in the 1980s.

Good luck with handling all those emotions, and to GaySpeak...
((((((hugs)))))))
PA

[fenris]

I have had the experience that straight men who have a real friendship with a gay man .. sometimes submit photos of themselves ... or they show more of themselves because they only want to make a joy to the gay man ... then this is somehow meant friendly ... but they do not think it could hurt the other ..... you know...they are only straight men ;-)

[princealbertofb]

Yes, that is what I thought, Fenris, it was a real gift to send the pictures, but I don't think he realises that this makes our friend Lack2010 yearn more....

[2010Lack2010]

Thanks you have really helped me I do understand what you saying, its just after knowing him for so long its
hard especially when I Have such big feelings for him. Its great to speak to you guys as I dont want to tell my friends as they know him and either would judge or not understand!

I do feel like im kinda always speaking to him and I dont want him to ever think im like a stalker or nothing
so as of today im going not to email him as much or BBM him ( Blackerberry messenger) Its just the other day when i never emailed him like what i normally do he emailed me saying " Not speaking today " ....he just pickles my head i cant stop thinking about what hes upto etc, I do want to fine a partner but feel I will always compare them to this straight guy x

Thanks your comments are really appreciated.

[Mr. Not So Lonely]

This is all good advice I cannot add to it but to say welcome to the forums

[princealbertofb]

You know, Lack, some of us are just as enticing and sexy as this guy is... It's just a question of looking in the right places. In any case again to GaySpeak. You can come and chat with us in the chat rooms, it would be nice to know a bit more about you. Press the red CHAT ROOM button and come in! mile:

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Hi, friend. :]

There is no solution to your problem...The guy probably has strong feelings for you, just not in that way. Or...maybe they are that way, he just doesn't want to leave his straight life. He is probably very happy to see the way you feel about him and..well, all that attention boosts his confidence up. And so he feels free to tease you. I'm not saying that he is a bad person or something, dont get me wrong. But there is nothing else you can do besides trying to move on. Or if you don't want to move on...sit back and enjoy his attention for you.

Hope I've helped. :]