His Loss!!

[CarGuy65]

Thanks to all for your replies. I was just informed by my roommate that he is extending his stay in Tahoe. The BF gets another chance. But if I see he posted more shit posted to his blog tonight, I may have to plan on a little chat instead. This porn thing is annoying to say the least and I am almost willing to bet it was the part of the reason his last partner cheated on him. At our age (45 and 48) it is hard to go back into the dating scene and I really do love him but..................we shall see. Paul

[corcorz9]

OK so my roommate is up in Lake Tahoe for the last couple days visiting his girlfriend and I have had the place to myself. I told my BF this hoping he would get the hint so we have a little..........um intimate alone time. We both own our own separate businesses and we have both been working a lot lately so spare time is very rare. I understand this. What I don't understand is why he takes the time to update his tumblr blog (porn) that probably took him about an hour or so to do instead of coming over and getting the real thing. I am 10 miles away for goodness sake! No offence but I would always prefer the real thing over porn. Oh well his loss. I guess I will just watch TV and crack open a adult refreshment beverage instead. Sorry just needed to vent. Thanks for listening. Paul

If he cant get the hint that you have to have "alone time" with him and he is choosing porn on you then that is his issue. I dont know how your relationship is but if it bothering you. You should have a talk with him

[CarGuy65]

Well here is the update and it is no better. First off, thanks to all for the advice and the chance to vent. This forum and its members have been very helpful. The trip to L.A. was a bust. Had fun and felt all the earthquakes (no really there was like 200 aftershocks) and Disneyland was great but the talk did not happen. He was in such a good mood I did not want to bring him down (my fault I know).
My room mate went back to Tahoe last week for 5 days so I had the place to myself again. 3rd night he came over and we watched a movie and after he got a little frisky but right in the middle he said "well I better get home" and he left. My fault again, I should have pulled him in the bedroom but of course did not think of that until AFTER he left.
I have still not gotten the courage to talk to him. I love him deeply and do not want upset him but I need to just do it. I am not going to see him until Friday so I meanwhile I AM going to find the perfect way to approach this. I may be old but I ain't dead and I need a little affection! Wish me luck as I will need it.
I will let you know how it goes.

[Mark]

Good luck - and just be upfront and honest otherwise it will eat away at you potentially damaging the relationship.

[princealbertofb]

Unfortunately, as I see it, it's not just HIS loss, but also yours, because now you're losing faith in the sexual connection that you both have. Did you text him? Did you tell him you'd like to hook up and have some intimate time? Maybe he needed more than a subtle hint. Just saying. If it hadn't mattered, you wouldn't have ranted. How about you going to HIS place? Is that not in the cards?

[CarGuy65]

Unfortunately, as I see it, it's not just HIS loss, but also yours, because now you're losing faith in the sexual connection that you both have. Did you text him? Did you tell him you'd like to hook up and have some intimate time? Maybe he needed more than a subtle hint. Just saying. If it hadn't mattered, you wouldn't have ranted. How about you going to HIS place? Is that not in the cards?

Well, his mother lives with him (not the other way around) and it is a little tough since she is a night owl and is always opening his bedroom door when we are watching TV just to see what we are watching or to chat. It is a little uncomfortable. I live with a straight guy who I have known for 25 years. I respect his space and it wont happen with him in the house. Way uncomfortable. He is a great friend and I have talked to him about this ( he is very gay friendly ) but getting advice from a straight guy..........?
My biggest problem is I absolutely hate confrontation on any level. I am way too easy going and a big wimp when it comes to possible conflict.
But it has to be done. It's time for the talk.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Thanks to all for your replies. I was just informed by my roommate that he is extending his stay in Tahoe. The BF gets another chance. But if I see he posted more shit posted to his blog tonight, I may have to plan on a little chat instead. This porn thing is annoying to say the least and I am almost willing to bet it was the part of the reason his last partner cheated on him. At our age (45 and 48) it is hard to go back into the dating scene and I really do love him but..................we shall see. Paul

Hmm.

The couple's therapists we saw during our last relationship recommended SOME porn as a way to grow closer and get over some sexual stuff. I have a few pix and a few clips on computer that I turn to occasionally to scratch an itch. Whilst in a relationship we watched some porn together, got a better idea of what each other was into.

But this passing up seeing your potential mate for porn isn't really healthy and conducive to a healthy relationship.

I hope a little chat is with him and not with a stranger (yeah payback may be a bitch, but she slaps everyone equally). Tit-for-tat rarely ends well. Trust me, I have tried that way to often.... learn from my experience.

I get the whole 'old as the hills = few pickins' thing - I'm there now. However I do hope you ain't sticking with him through desperation. That won't end well and you will ultimately end up wasting your time and come away feeling a lot worse.

I also suggest you listen to your gut. If you feel that this habit lead to problems in the past relationship you might be close to spot on on that.

Mind I'm not trying to make you single so I can get my hands on you... Or maybe...... nah I'm evil, I'm not that evil.....:biggrin: I am trying to get you to really consider the fuller implications here and to choose as wisely as possible.

While its true the pickings are slim, they are not impossible... or so everyone keeps telling me (I have my own doubts). Settling for a fellow because you feel you must is an almost guaranteed 'this ain't going to end well' situation.

I would hate for you to end up with a broken heart and in a worst situation. Do try to keep yourself safe and out of harms way.

Good Luck Paul.

[princealbertofb]

Thanks for your clarifications, Paul. I think it's a good idea to have the chat about the porn tumblr and without accusing him of wrong doing, maybe you could suggest that you're both not getting any younger and that you'd like to have some sex before you can no longer do it. (I trust you have a few more years in front of you, but who can be certain?). I know how it is about not wanting to be confrontational and avoiding it at all costs, but sometimes it is best to speak your mind, even though you can probably find a non-confrontational way of saying what your feelings are. If he's got any gumption, he'll understand where you're coming from. I hope he does. Good luck with the talk.

[EpicTravis]

Guys do that stuff all the time. In their heads they think "well it would be so much easier to jerk off" and they release and then they are back to business.

Seriously though you should tell him that it bothered you. I can tell it wasn't only physically, it also bothered you emotionally. If it was only physically, you would have jerked off or hooked up with someone else.

Tell him because things like that could easily evolve into issues that would make you feel lonely, alienated, and horny lol. Good luck