New Guy

[Anthony]

So, a little about me....

I am 21 years old and I am from Indiana. My parents are from Mexico and are somewhat conservative. They believe in family honor and take action if something is not what it should be. Because of this I grew up very sheltered and extremely concerned with how everyone views me. I love them and everything I do is to make them proud. They go above and beyond with everything they do for me and they give me everything they never had as children.

Currently, I am a senior in college, dual majoring in Education. I love college and enjoy it everyday. I am a fairly social guy and also joined a fraternity my freshmen year. Some of the guys in it are my best friends and I don't think I would have made it far without them.

Recently, I've been questioning my whole life. I've always been attracted to guys but I was always in denial about it and just never thought much of it. No one could tell I was gay, so I just never thought about it. I've never been a fan of labels. However, now when I think about the word gay, I think about the possibility of that being a part of me and I'm not sure I want that.

NO ONE knows I'm gay and sometimes it's hard not to have someone to talk to about this part of my life. I guess that's why I'm here now...

I just have so many questions. Does things like this get better when you come out? Are gay guys ever happy with love? Is there the one for us? Would it be better to just pretend? How to you deal with your life changing after coming out? What about parent?What about my career? How do you manage?

[Mark]

Hello and welcome to GS.

Okay right there is no right or wrong answers - coming out will feel better for you because you're not hiding something vital about you. You can be yourself which is nice instead of watching everything you say or do. However I cannot anticipate how people will react to it - some react amazing, some are awful this of course depends on the individual and can taint the coming out experience. From my you are loved for being you regardless.

So many gay guys are happy and in love. Look at the amount getting married now - its not always just random one night stands. You may not see THAT many long term gay relationships at the moment because older generations have had to hide it - so nobody really knows about it. Is there one for us? I believe there is but it doesn't matter about sexuality - everyone has someone they should be with, but as I say this is what I believe others may disagree.

I wouldn't ever advise that its better to pretend because who would want to live a lie? Nothing really changed when I came out. Some family members know, some don't when I meet people I don't announce it not because Im ashamed but because I don't have to. You shouldn't see it as a label or something you have to disclose its just part of you. Parents will be different for everyone - Again I couldn't advise on how your parents would react.. But all I know is parents love their child regardless.

Im unsure what the laws are like with the workplace from where you live, but over in the UK companies are not allowed to discriminate against you for sexuality and theres a lot of things in place to stop that. The way to manage? Only come out when YOU are ready, don't be unrealistic and expect everyone to be fine with it, but also don't panic and think everyone will disown you.. People react differently. Just be comfortable in your own skin and don't focus on the label gay - I hate calling myself gay because it does give people an image of who you are.

I hope some of this helps but I do have one question - Have you ever been with a guy? And have you ever been with a girl?

[Wolfpack]

Hi Anthony and welcome to gs
I am sure you will find all the help and advice you will need on here ,there is a good mix of people on here with good points of view.

Only you can decide for yourself when the time is right for you to come out.
When I came out I found myself to feel much better,more open,more compassionate and finally true to myself.
My parents have not found it easy,but they still love me deeply and just want me to be happy,hopefully yours will feel the same way to,but only you know them well enough to know is this is the case.

Talking on here has really helped me ,and hopefully it can help you to.

Ask yourself what are the positive things to being gay,instead of the just the negative things.
Some things to think about- Being true to yourself,giving your family the chance to know the real you,be able to pursue a relationship openly if you want this.I am sure you can think of many more yourself if you try.

As for love i am hoping to find that for myself on day,,so you are not alone.

[matty7]

hi and welcome, it sounds like you have a lot on your mind right now , if you do come out gay do you think your parents will accept it or have they said anything negative before about the LGBT community - to me it sounds like they want to help you succeed in life - been gay shouldn't stop this happening - im sure you will find great advice on here, maybe browse previous threads too if u get the time, you may find some great info their too

[nullnaught]

Hello and i just want to answer yes gays can be VERY happy in love.

[jogu656]

Hi well we have something's in common, I too am Mexican with very traditional conservative parents, to answer some of your questions, in my experience with my parents my mom is ok with me being gay now, at first it was a shock, she was bit unhappy, but she now is ok with it and has met some of my past relationships, my dad is a different story he is very macho but I think he knows, just with him is best to not tell him, he is better off not knowing directly that way he wont have too deal with it, as for a career well you wont have a problem, you said nobody can tell so for work you don't have to tell them your gay you are entitled to your privacy, what matters at work is well your work and how you do it. After coming out I felt free, liberated, soooooo much better for myself it was the best thing, if you let it build up inside yourself it gets really hard eventually and you will be unhappy that's assuming you have been hiding it from others while you know deep inside you want to let it out.

[ChadCoxRox]

Seeking out supports to help sort stuff out is important so coming here is a great step! Welcome aboard and stay connected! I can't add much beyond what's already been posted here. There is a TON of stuff on GS specific to your questions and journey. Read, study, determine what "acceptance" means for you and your life and seek that out. The acceptance process does change or evolve so viva la evolution! (whomever posted that phrase earlier...thank you baby )

Welcome Anthony!