Why does everyone want physical?

[AlfredM]

I don't think I need doctor. I'm not crazy. Why is it considered to be abnormal to not want sex? Can't it be just that it's who I am? People are different - someone is straight, someone is gay, someone wants sex, someone doesn't. Also I won't use any medicine as my health is damaged enough already.

Then what being asexual means?

If I wanna call myself Asexual, that's my decision, fuck every body else in the ass and have a good day. Its my life, my reality, so gratefully and as it should for everyone, outside opinions don't mean shit.

First of all,no one is saying you're crazy,and just because somebody is seeing psychiatrist/psychologist,that doesn't mean he's crazy,it's just that he's opening himself to a professional opinion,at least that's my view of it.

With all due respect,all the informations you've been giving like not watching porn,not inclined to cuddling and even sex,they're pointing to asexuality in my opinion. Now,you may not want to identify yourself as asexual,and that's fine,as pointed by Sylph. Really,all these labels are getting out of hand,but I believe they help me understand a whole wide range of sexuality as well.

It's only this past few weeks that I've finally made some readings on asexuality and,while I'm not one,I could see that there's not one category of asexuality as well. I don't know how much you have explored the possibility of you being in the asexuality spectrum,but perhaps this will help you and see which part you could relate to:



Asexuality apparently has a harder time of being accepted by others of straight and gay community,mostly because people just don't truly understand what it is. Education is the key.

Anyway,you don't have to identify yourself as asexual,but you could at least try to relate with one of categories in the spectrum above,and try to look for people who identify in that category in this AVEN forum and ask how they handle being in a relationship with someone who is sexual.

As for me,I can't get into a relationship with someone who's even remotely asexual. Even in that AVEN forum,apparently there are lots of couple between sexual and asexual people who in the end struggle with their need and repulse of sex. It's even harder if you're in monogamous relationship. And I'm a monogamous guy,so I can't be in this.

Maybe you could try to work it out with your partner,make some arrangements when and how would you be more inclined to cuddling and sex eventually,that is if you even want sex. Talk about what would turn you on so that he could try those to get you in the mood. Well,I wish the best for the both of you~

[swalter]

First of all,no one is saying you're crazy,and just because somebody is seeing psychiatrist/psychologist,that doesn't mean he's crazy,it's just that he's opening himself to a professional opinion,at least that's my view of it.

With all due respect,all the informations you've been giving like not watching porn,not inclined to cuddling and even sex,they're pointing to asexuality in my opinion

You're absolutely right on the first point - nobody was implying he's crazy. I'm surprised that in 2014, there's still people who have such a negative view of psychology, and it's important, therapeutic benefits for everyone.

On the second point regarding asexuality, it's important to acknowledge that it's not yet a sexual orientation as defined officially among relevant experts and institutions. Secondly, the best estimates put the number of asexual persons at approximately 1-2% of the population. Of that 1-2%, only 3% are defined as "homoromantic asexual" (romantic attraction towards person(s) of the same gender*– the romantic aspect of homosexuality). Given how statistically rare it is to find a person who is actually defined as such, I think it would be foolish and irrational to accept that as the root of the issue when hormone imbalances and potential psychological links are more likely responsible for the same symptoms.

Nobody is saying that asexuality isn't real, or that those who identify as asexual are pejoratively "abnormal". And it's irresponsible for any of us to confidently assert that "nothing is wrong" with having no sex drive. When there are common, known hormonal and biological causes of the same characteristics that describe asexuality, ignoring that in favor of just accepting it is tantamount to sticking your head in the sand.

The point is that the situation as described by the OP is not objectively normal, even if it is a legitimate case of homoromantic asexuality, by virtue of the fact that such people only comprise a fraction of a percentage of the population. Asexuality is not statistically normal, and it's characteristics are the same or similar to what is more likely to be biological or environmental (psychological) in nature. If it is really asexuality, there's nothing lost by exploring the other, more likely possibilities, and ruling them out. On the other hand, failing to accurately diagnose and treat a chemical imbalance or psychological issue (not crazy!) has the potential to destroy, degrade, or otherwise inhibit the OP's life experience.

OP, I think you owe it your BF and yourself to get to the bottom of this issue. Even if you don't understand his need for sex and physical intimacy, I hope you understand that it's a very real, and important need that needs to be fulfilled. If you don't do it, he'll find someone who will, or live in silent frustration and resentment until your relationship is a rotten shell. I implore you to take appropriate steps to see a professional who can help make sense of the situation, and see if there is, in fact, a biological root cause that can be treated, potentially saving your relationship and future happiness.

[Ryocchi]

I just don't understand why is sex so important. Why? What is there about it that makes it almost the most important thing for most people? Ok, I could understand straight people - sex is important to conceive a child, but gay people.... I just don't get it.

When you are in a relationship sex is called making love, making love itself at least to me it's the maximum communion between two people in love, you're showing yourself completely naked at the person you love, and when you join your bodies is the closer you can get together, for some people as romanticized as it seems it really feels like being one person for a moment, and if that's not enough for you the physical pleasure that comes with it is like nothing else you will ever experience, or so I've been told since I'm a virgin.

Answer me something, you don't really feel anything positive when he touches you?

If the answer is yes, then maybe you should really consider looking for help, you're not crazy, nobody says you are, but whether you're asexual or if there's something blocking you from feeling pleasure from physical contact it would be better if you knew and had professional guidance don't you agree?

[Anonymous]

What I feel when he touches me? Nothing special, just a touch of his hand. Nothing overwhelming about it.

[AlfredM]

If it is really asexuality, there's nothing lost by exploring the other, more likely possibilities, and ruling them out. On the other hand, failing to accurately diagnose and treat a chemical imbalance or psychological issue (not crazy!) has the potential to destroy, degrade, or otherwise inhibit the OP's life experience.

I've been busy trying to accept people for who they are 'till I didn't even think about it that way. I suppose you're right,there's no harm ruling out other possibilities before admitting to asexuality. Thanks for opening my eyes.

[Brett240]

There are different types of love. I love my best friend, we've been friends since we were 7 years old. I enjoy his company and we are very close and have great times together. Time spent with him is very interesting and fun. But I don't want sex with him.
There's a difference between platonic and romantic love. If your feelings for him are platonic, you need to tell him that and let him decide if it's enough.

[JWS]

I reckon u just need to take some time out and think about what it is u really want?
Focus on hobbies or work for awhile. If u feel better about yourself u can be more confident and better in other situations in your life like with your partner

[72jay]

I've read about asexual people, but sometimes I can get turned on by something I see or hear.

With 'gay' and 'straight' we all know there is a whole range of "shades of gray" inbetween (ie: different levels of bi-ness)
Same thing with 'Sexual' and 'Asexual' there is a whole range of "shades of gray" inbetween.
On top of that there is a separate thing: 'Aromantic' (no romantic attraction) and 'Romantic' ...
So it is possible for someone to be Asexual but still Romantic - They could be romantically attracted, but not sexually attracted.
And with 'Romantic' attraction there's still the whole range of gay/bi/straight

I just don't understand why is sex so important. Why? What is there about it that makes it almost the most important thing for most people?

I don't know, but I think it comes down to everyone's brain is wired differently

I feel much more closer to my boyfriend when we're having fun together, walking, talking, etc. not when he kisses me or slid his hands under my shirt.

From that...sounds like you could be atleast somewhat Aromantic & Asexual'
Personally I reccommend you take a look around this forum: http://www.asexuality.org/en/
I for one am glad I found it

Since you have no interest in porn, and no interest in sex despite being in a loving, monogamous relationship, you should go to the doctor because that's not normal.

While I don't quite fit all those categories I see nothing "not normal" about that.

[swalter]

While I don't quite fit all those categories I see nothing "not normal" about that.

First, my comments were directed specifically to the OP in response to what he described. Unless you are the OP, I don't know why you thought I was talking to you.

Secondly, did you bother to read the entirety of my comments in this thread? Everything I said is firmly supported by the medical and scientific evidence. For you to take one part of that out of context and offer up your vague, subjective opinion on a subject that science and medicine has answers for is tantamount to telling me it's your opinion that 2 + 2 = 5.

If you want to refute what I've said, honestly, and have a real discussion, let's do it. But what you've offered up here isn't helpful or objectively pertinent.

[Xandes]

I personally love sex. However, I have a few friends (some gay and some straight) that have no desire for it. I don't think there is anything wrong with you. Just like his actions are perfectly normal. The problem here is that you are both on different pages when it comes to this subject. Open up and talk to him. Explain how much you love to spend time with him but doing other things. If it is meant to be, great. But be prepared that this could be a deal breaker for him. Good luck and keep us posted!!