Sick of drama.. needed to rant a bit.

[Tyrion]

This is probably totally stupid, but I'm really annoyed right now and need to post something. Anyway, as I've posted before, I suffer from a lot of anxiety and other issues. I also have a really hard time communicating my feelings and opinions to others, so most of the time if someone asks me if I want to do something I'll say yes even if I don't want to. In a lot of cases I worry about hurting someones feelings or being rude.. so I usually end up sacrificing what I want for someone else...

So I was talking to a friend last night, one of the few friends I feel I can really talk to about my problems.. and I was telling her that I have these two friends who constantly bother and beg me into doing shit I don't want to do, but I do it anyway.

The thing that triggered my comments was that this week I've been really busy with school -- I'm writing for our college paper and it's production week, so we've had to slave each day to get the paper into production and ready for print by wednesday -- and a few people have been calling and texting me CONSTANTLY.. WHILE IM IN CLASS. I tell them I'm busy, yet they continue to disrespect what I'm saying. I eventually just stopped responding.. yet still.. calls / texts..

This isn't a one time thing either. To give a little more insight I have one friend who continually asks me to go to the bars with him, which is fine when I have time, but he'll literally beg when I say no until I say yes. Then I have another (two actually, they're a couple) who invite me over to their house all the time, and all they do is mess around with their computers and phones the entire time while I'm just waiting for a moment to leave. It's fucking boring.. and apparently they don't have the common sense to understand that no one wants to sit in a small house doing nothing.

Apparently I'm good company.. and I appreciate that people invite me to things... but seriously.. it's like they RELY on me or something, and guilt trip me into doing whatever they want to do. Happens all the time...

ANYWAY getting to the point, I told my best friend that these two (who are a couple) are selfish and don't give a shit that I'm busy, etc.. and went on a rant, and she relayed the message to them in a not so polite manner. I got a text this morning from said friend, who basically said "don't bother contacting me ever again." This is someone I've known for years...

At this point I'm not sure who to be angry at.. my friend who told them off (which really reaffirms the reason i don't tell people shit to begin with), or the other two who are so selfish and never take into considering what I'm doing or want to do and are willing to end a friendship over one thing. I sent them a long text, saying yeah I should have told them, but everything I said was true and tried to explain myself.

Sooo yeah that's about it, I'm someone who hates confrontation and drama, and stay away from it like the plague.. but it always seems to find me. I also have no backbone and I need to work on that. I've been taken advantage of many times in the past... a few times financially because I hate telling people NO. I'm at the point where that'll never happen again.. but I guess the point of this is that people piss me off.

I'd just hate to lose friends over something so stupid..

Anyway sorry, needed to rant / explain my situation. Not sure if any of it made sense, or made me look totally pathetic, haha.

[CardShark]

Sounds like they're taking advantage of you chap, if they said dont bother contacting me due to the fact your busy I wouldnt class them as your friends.

[Tyrion]

Yep I think you're right. I get taken advantage of a lot unfortunately, or have in the past, but that's because I let people. I'm working on that.. also looking to get into therapy for my anxiety, because that's the biggest issue. Right now I'm thinking I really need new friends too. Minus my bestie who told them and pissed everyone off lol. I know she cares, which is why she told them off.. because she knows I won't =x.

[Cuddly]

Not much of a loss if you didn't like them the rant has plenty of backbone.

[CardShark]

Yep I think you're right. I get taken advantage of a lot unfortunately, or have in the past, but that's because I let people. I'm working on that.. also looking to get into therapy for my anxiety, because that's the biggest issue. Right now I'm thinking I really need new friends too. Minus my bestie who told them and pissed everyone off lol. I know she cares, which is why she told them off.. because she knows I won't =x.

Therapy is a good idea, i have quite big anxiety issues as well and therapy has helped to some degree I'd recommend it!

Always gotta keep an eye out for new friends, plenty of people out their would love to make more friends.

[swalter]

The issue here is that you're in the habit of playing the "nice guy", and allowing people to walk all over you. As you said, you "have no backbone". So, you know what the problem is. The question is, what are YOU going to do about it? The truth is that this will continue in your life only as long as you allow it. I suspect that beyond not liking confrontation, you also feel guilty about the idea of standing up for yourself and saying "no". It may help you, at first, to think of yourself as a close friend. If you were with a good friend, and you witnessed this friend in circumstances like you are in, what advise would you give him? Treat yourself as you would your dearest friend. Give yourself the benefit of the advice you'd give that friend. And stand up for yourself as you would stand up for your friend if he faced injustice.

[Tyrion]

You're completely right and I agree with everything you said. I do feel guilty saying no, for whatever reason. This goes with most things.. not just this situation. I will take your suggestions. Thank you sir.

[MisterTinkles]

If I remember right, I think you said you are in a wheelchair? Or am I thinking about someone else???

If you are in a w/c, then you have the misfortune of having "friends" who are using you as leverage to "be somebody". They use people with physical issues to make themselves seem like better people to others, just because they know someone who needs help getting around, or has some major medical/mental issues. Thats what these "friends" sound like to me, nothing more than users and players.

It seems you are cramping THEIR style by not kissing their asses because THEY allow you to be "friends" with them, and you aren't available when they "need" you to be around to make them look like super awesome people, because they have a friend who has issues.

I say GOOD RIDDANCE to dog shit!

As for your friend who blabbed..........I would be giving her the cold shoulder for a few months.

If you dont want to be bothered while working or at school........then just turn your phone off.

There are billions of people on this planet...........you can find better friends than that.

[Mark]

Okay replying to this while being outside the situation I would say the issue that made this kick off was because you told your best mate about the issues but you didn't tell them. I understand you don't want drama but if you are going to talk behind someones back effectively you have to expect some backlash. I'd say their response is dramatic but they may just be slightly hurt you didn't say anything.

I agree with swalter and you need to start from basics and just say no now and again. I know all about being pushed into the 'mr nice guy' category,which may come as a shock as now I can be quite outspoken but I had to learn to be otherwise sadly everyone will just take you for a ride and drain everything they can get out of you. If you aren't happy with something or somebody annoys you try to deal with it directly with them otherwise someone will always get hurt.

I suffered from mild anxiety after a car accident so I know how frustrating it can be - getting help would be key to solving this. Just don't let everything blow up and escalate to massive situations and try to not bottle up feelings as it will just grow and grow and emotions take over making it something HUGE. You come across as a decent lad, maybe you do need to change your friendship circle. Saying that I now speak to NOBODY from school or uni and have completely different friends which suit me. So keep that in the back of your mind too - those friends you have now may change due to circumstances in life, and as you discover more about you then you will befriend people that understand you better

[Tyrion]

Marky, you're right. Talking behind someones back isn't cool. It wasn't really my intention, its just that this one friend I have, who I've known forever, I actually feel comfortable talking with. I was mainly just ranting, getting some things off my chest, and had no idea she was actually going to send them a message. I should have known though. She's this short red-head with a temper that would probably scare anyone here. It should have been expected LOL. I do believe she was only looking out for me though, and I'm annoyed, but I can let that go.

@ Tinkles, I am in a wheelchair. I think what you're saying applies to some people, but not these two. These two "friends" I have are extremely anti-social, and tend to hate everyone. It's been getting more and more on my nerves that they never want to do anything with others or out in public.. and even talk bad about my other friends. It's almost like for whatever reason I'm the main person they associate with and expect me to be there whenever it's needed. I think they're both a bit immature and selfish, and only see from their point of view and not mine. I think that's the main problem.

Either way.. I'm done with drama. I'm totally stressed out atm over a lot of things, but im just going to let it go and work on bettering myself and definitely try to stand up for myself more often. I really appreciate the posts here. They've helped me feel a bit better and more confident about myself, so thank you all .