Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Understand during couple's therapy he was warned that such behaviors might lead to less than desirable results due to the PTSD... so its not like he hasn't been educated in how this works... He knows, he just chooses to push buttons.
I know from experience that some do this on purpose. I've seen 2 women do it when I warned them not to, one time to a guy who was passed out drunk and the other passed out on whatever he shot himself up with. But she insisted to wake him up to bitch about something trivial and I got out of the immediate danger zone yelling at her to leave him alone, she was going to get the crap kicked out of her because he'd be acting on instinct, on automatic, and he wouldn't even remember it.
And both times she kept on anyway and pretended to be shocked when it happened. In one case we all had to leave as he chased chased her outside yelling all sorts of profanities and she called the cops on him (but hooked back up with him for more drama after he got out of jail for which I blame both of them for anything similar that followed) and in the other case he just came to long enough to slap at her (barely hit her) before falling back unconscious. The second one I mentioned tried to get her boyfriend to beat him up while I told him what she'd done, I'd warned her, and I personally lay all the blame on her the same way I blame people who poke snakes with sticks for being bitten or people who mess with bear cubs for getting mauled by a mama bear, or taunting a rooster gets you attacked. In that case of the guy unconscious on drugs the boyfriend, even after I argued his case, kicked the unconscious guy a couple of times who came to briefly (and hostilely, yelling, lashing out, though the guy was fast enough to dodge) before he said he'd wait until he was sober so he could remember it (luckily I don't think he ever followed up).
What gets me is how both women (or teenager in one case, I think she was 16) KNEW, and she knew how I felt about it but still tried to get sympathy from me even and acted hurt & confused that I had none. It simply must be insanity...I think they know it's going to happen, not sure what they get out of it, though both girls had grown up beaten by their drunken fathers for whatever that's worth (though most girls--including myself--raised by violent alcoholics knew better than to tangle with someone unconscious and didn't). One possibility is that after their drunken fathers beat them they sobered up and felt terrible for beating up his little girl and showed her all sorts of affection (and buying things) so maybe they learned they had to get beaten before they were loved or even just paid attention to. Granted, this isn't a perfect fit (though might still be relevant) for the 2nd one I described, but it's the only thing I can think of on why they're compelled to push buttons like that.
Or maybe in the case of your guy he just feels guilty for all the crap he pulls and feels he deserves a beating (or worse) and subconsciously hopes you'll give it to him.
Or even just something to talk about (lots of lesbians like to talk about their psycho exes to the point some get made fun of, so why not gay men?). Like one lesbian got another to agree to hide her from her stalking ex but the ex came to that house to begin yelling. Confronted, the lesbian giving sanctuary found the one she was hiding LEFT HER ADDRESS posted on the door of her home so her ex could find her! And so ended anyone giving that particular lesbian any sanctuary.
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