Kinda bummed...maybe I did something wrong..

[TonyAndonuts]

So a few months ago I became interested in gay dating. I think I even made a thread about it too. Well since then, I decided to give it a try and download a few gay dating apps. Grindr kinda sucked so I used Hornet instead (which also sucks, but it's better than the others). I met a guy who I thought was pretty cute and he also seemed really interested in gaming and Japanese culture, which I also really like. I think we exchanged friendly messages for a solid month before I asked him if he wanted to add me on Facebook. He agreed and we continued talking on there. It was all just friendly conversation and occasional advice on being gay since he seemed more experienced than me. He's had a boyfriend before and at the time was single. I wanted to meet up with him, but he said he was busy with working two jobs and taking college courses. But since the semester is over for both of us, we both have much more free time in the summer; perfect chance to finally meet. But today, as I logged onto Facebook, BOOM!! In a Relationship! It was the very first thing I saw......and now I'm bummed.

Now I mentioned before that I've never been in a relationship or even made much of an effort to pursue one. I'm a really introverted and shy person who's also really picky when it comes to people I deem worthy of my attention. I've been trying to become more social and outgoing, but it's a working progress. So I'm just thinking to myself, if I was interested in this guy on a relationship level, what could I have done better? Like I said, all our conversations were just friendly stuff. I don't think I ever made any moves or anything, I wanted to be his friend and meet him face to face before I just moved in on him. I'm always afraid of coming off as some kind of creep and I don't know how to be subtle with flirting, so I just be friendly. Is that my problem? Should I have pushed to meet him sooner than just waiting until summer when our schedules were freed up? I mean obviously he had enough time to see this other guy, so maybe it could've worked? Maybe my problem was getting my hopes up. Maybe I should've just thought of him as a friend first and foremost. I don't plan on just dropping him now that he's in a relationship or anything, I still wanna meet him at some point. Maybe he knows some other guys I could meet. Who knows? But in hindsight, what could I have done better if I wanted this guy as more than a friend? If I ever meet another cute guy who likes video games and geeky stuff, what could I do differently?

[Wardo94]

Well, I'm just like you. Shy. An introvert. Very picky when it comes to guys. I need a connection so I feel right to take it a step further. If not, I don't see myself with that person. Anyways, I don't think you did anything wrong. If anything, you put yourself out there and that's how you'll find someone as time goes on. If let's say, the guy did like you as much as you did with him, then he would have initiated something in the first place so don't beat yourself up over it. In all honesty, be yourself, take your time and don't push anything. Nothing good comes out of rushing something. I learnt it the hard way. When the time is right, you will find someone and who knows, it may or may not be the one :p Only time will tell. Put yourself a litte bit out of your comfort zone and just take it as it is. Here and there, you'll meet good guys and bad guys. But you'll eventually find someone who will be interested as well :p I hope this helps out Good luck! If you need any more advice, you can PM me From one introvert to another :p

[jogu656]

OMG Im exactly like you, shy and hold back from fear of being perceived as creepy or being laughed at, I say you are one step ahead of me you're younger and more brave, which will make it easier as you get older, I never initiate things because of fear, for example in my nursing class their is a guy soooo cute, he stared at me all semester all 4 hours of my class, my classmates noticed, so I took a chance and added him on facebook he approved within seconds, then I saw he is in a relationship haha, which confused me, made me feel embarrassed, so I couldn't look him in the face, I thought in my head he thought I was a stalker for finding him on facebook, looser for adding him haha, but hes really nice and he actually talked to me the other day, I learned maybe he is taken but you never lose anything by trying, im 27 yrs old and barely doing things I should've done in my late teens early 20's because I came out late, I say don't loose the confidence you have, keep doing what you did, you did great, he just maybe was already interested in that guy before you and went for it when he had a chance, believe it or not im taking tips from you haha on how to approach others even if all that I get out of it is a friendship, I could use gay friends since I have ZERO. Good Luck although you might not need it as much as you think.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

First off let me say that the whole gay dating scene has changed remarkably over the past 4-5 years, and while I know these apps can be used simply as hook up sites for casual sex, in the whole I actually think they are a positive thing. If nothing else that for the reasons others have posted regarding being shy etc.

However, if you think they replace the need for face to face dating then Im afraid you are slightly delusional.

Ignoring the creepier sexual hook up side, they are a great tool that allows you to reach out to a lot more people than you would normally, however once you make that initial introduction, if you are seriously interested in someone then you need to move out of iDating, and get real.

Sure there is nothing wrong with building up a friendship with someone through an app or dating website, but until you have that face to face meeting, thats all its ever going to be, a friendship.

BTW, my SO is an avid gamer, I hate gaming. We have been together for 10 years. So my message here is, sure look for something in common, but don't ignore someone just because you don't appear to have an immediate connection. This is where the face to face part is crucial.

ObW
X

[TonyAndonuts]

I'm even more bummed because he seemed like exactly the kind of person I'd like. Everyone else on the Hornets and Grindrs was either only interested in a hook-up, lived way too far away, wasn't my type, or was too mysterious for my taste. I tried some legit dating sites, but there are even less people in my area on there. I really wish I had a car, it'd make things a lot easier...