Was I wrong

[Anonymous]

Hi all, I would just like to share what happened to me recently and if you think how I reacted was wrong..

I went on a date with a guy I met online, he is top and 10 years older, described himself as tall, exciting, honest.. we went to a cafe and it was fine, we got on quite well, I felt attracted to him, afterwards we walked to his car and he said it was fun and next time we can do something different

He messaged me a week later saying it was fun again and maybe one day we can do something else

a couple days later I said would you like to meet soon and he said he is busy at work, he travels a lot..

anyway over a month he just texts like "how are you" and I say I am fine but the conversation really never gets past that point..

and I start to get a little irritated, I feel lonely and this is not fun or exciting..

I say like, you are not asking to see me and he say's I'm being impatient and I say okay sorry and then a few days later he messages me "how are you" and it goes on how it was

3 times this happened until finally I said "bye!" and he says "okay you don't seem to understand I am very busy and if you keep saying bye then I guess we should forget about it"

I've since sent him some quite abusive messages since then and he doesn't message back anymore, I was already fragile going into a date, I always meet thoughtless guys and this period has really left me feeling hopeless and I want to pour all my scorn onto him, my messages started as critical and now it's just name calling, he's the first thing I think about when I wake up, for nearly 2 months I twiddled my thumbs

I'm afraid of dating again should I be made to feel invisible and like nothing

[Insertnamehere]

He should get the benefit of the doubt for the moment. If this keeps going however, then let it go.

Either way getting aggressive with him will get you nowhere.

[Anonymous]

It is over, completely over, even though we have only seen each other once and we got on well.

[Anonymous]

Here is his profile info

"1st of all im looking for a relationship , so those who are married wanting extras and time wasters please move on , but if u want the same as me , then feel free to drop me a line, and il look forward to chatting to you and then to meet up .Once again no time wasters please as i feel this site is full of them , maybe someone will prove me wrong ,and if not that most here are so bloody rude"

[CellarDweller]

You didn't do anything wrong. He says he wants a relationship, but then can't call to set up a second date?

Something's not right there. Move on.

[starlight]

He sounds like a waste to me if im honest.

[Darius]

I think you were not wrong until you got abusive. Even if you felt he was giving you the brush off, you should not have done that. If you are still interested in him, tell him what you told us and apologize. You were frustrated by him and other dating experiences and took it out on him.

Let me ask you this: you said you met online, so how much time did you chat online before meeting up? Was it difficult for him to find the time for that meeting? If not, then something just doesn't sound right. I'm not sure why he kept sending brief notes if he was not interested, but this is the internet, I guess.

[TigerLover]

Well you don't need me to tell you that sending abusive messages is just plain wrong. You really lost the moral high ground. Plus you kinda validated his acftions he's probably thinking. "Phew I really dodged a bullet with that crazy abusive guy."

But the way I see it this was never going anywhere anyway. If it takes him months just to find time for a secound date then he's simply too busy to establish the relationship he's looking for and he needs to get his life in order first.

In short yes he Jerked you around but it was probably by accident.
The problem is that he seems to have really hit you where it hurts and he's dented your confidence. Sadly I don't know a long-range cure for that.

But I do know what's not helping. It's not healthy to still be hung up on this guy months later, you're just twisting the knife at this point. Delete his contact details and all the messages he sent to you.

Good luck getting back on that horse buddy.

[Genersis]

How strange...
If he's really that busy, make it clear the ball is in his court when it comes to arranging a date to meet.

Then be as patient as you care to be with him.
He does seem to be stringing you along somewhat, you shouldn't have to wait on him forever.


At least, I would of given that advice, but it seems a bit too late. I doubt he's going to get in contact with you again.
Try to manage your frustration better in future.

[Camfer]

...3 times this happened until finally I said "bye!" and he says "okay you don't seem to understand I am very busy and if you keep saying bye then I guess we should forget about it"

You're good up to here. The mature response is, "Yeah, you're right, good luck to you! Maybe I'll see you around."

You experienced a classic case of differing priorities. You can't make him a priority unless he makes you a priority.

Move on. You'll be fine.