How do I overcome my jealousyt?

[Jace]

Hi --- I'm new here, my first post. I'm 31 and my BF is 20, we've been living together for 6 months. He's an amazing guy - smart, funny, gorgeous and really just a nice person. People are drawn to him, he has that kind of personality.
The only real problem we have is be acting like a jerk being possessive and jealous. He doesn't do anything wrong.
Yesterday he said he was sick of being constantly questioned and having to explain and justify every move he makes. He was pretty angry. He said I have to do something about what he calls my delusional jealousy.
I was never like this with other guys, I don't know if it's because he's so young or because I'm just so crazy about him. The rational part of my mind knows that this is all me, but I can't seem to get a handle on it. I don't want to lose him.

[Cuddly]

You can't force him to stay with you and being jealous and possessive will only push him away from you.

Just tell him you love him and hope he loves you. Be clear about your relationship being closed or open and hope he is mature enough to respect that.

[East]

The thing I noticed about the over jealous types...they often are projecting their own feelings onto their partner...

For instance...if a guy is or was constantly thinking about other guys then he assumes his partner is doing the same...or if he cheated on a partner in the past he assumes the other guy is cheating.....he may be afraid that the partner is thinking about the same things he thought about or wants to jump the bones of alot of guys like he does....

There is also another contributor to jealousy...trying to control the mind, body and/or soul of the partner...completely owning them. If the partner doesn't completely submit there can be intense jealousy as the controling guy is threatened (classic insecurity)....

Whatever the cause...the only person to address when that kind of jealousy is present is oneself...not the other person. The mistake most people make is trying to find the solution from the other guy and it is never about them anyway...even if they are cheating.

I was a bartender in a gay bar for 20 years ..five days a week...and I noticed alot of patterns as an observer ......

[EvenOlderButWiser]

That green-eyed monster, aka jealousy, is one of the biggest contributors to the breakup of relationships, LGBT or otherwise.

I went through a period of intense jealousy with my current partner. In my case it was brought on because of the nature of the breakup of my previous LTR (Basically he had been cheating on me behind my back and it had been going on for sometime. I hadn't seen - or wanted to see - the signs)

As a result of that breakup I got pretty down for a while, and kept going over the relationship in minute detail, trying to workout where i had gone wrong and what signs I had missed, that suddenly seemed obvious to other people around me. Unfortunately I carried this over to my new relationship and was suspicious of pretty much everything. It only ended when he sat me down and told me to choose him, or keep raking over my past relationship. I choose to move forward, and while I do still have bouts of jealousy, they are under control, and I work very hard to ensure they don't come to the surface.

I think the jealousy you are experiencing is actually quite common. You have a younger, youthful partner, who everyone likes. He's like a shining light with all these gay moths filtering around. The gay community (read scene) is incredibly flirtatious at the best of times, so if you can't handle the attention he is getting then my advice is to stay away, or at least try and reduce your visits there as a couple.

You need to decide to either trust him, and take his word that nothing untoward is going on, of suffer the fallout of delusional jealousy, which is always the break up of the relationship.

Only you can decide which to do.

ObW
X

[Brett240]

You said "he doesn't do anything wrong" and "this is all me" and from the way you describe things, you're probably right. I kind of went through it from the other side, being suspected of all kinds of things. It sucks. It made me so mad I felt like going out and actually doing it. I got the blame, may as well have the fun. I didn't. We broke up. Which is where you're headed if you don't rein it in.
Instead of questioning and suspecting, talk to him honestly about your own insecurity. If you can admit to him that you know it's about you, not him, it will go a long way toward making him more tolerant and understanding, I think. BUT, sorry, don't mean to be harsh, but you gotta get over yourself. If he's really all that, relax and enjoy!