Couples Counseling?

[Brett240]

I broke up with my BF because he thought it was funny that his friends acted like I was just a sex hook-up and because I found out he was cheating while going nuts if I even talked to another guy. He tried to give me this "everyone does it, it doesn't mean anything" rap, but I was totally pissed and I left him. He said I was naïve and needed to grow up and I was immature.
So he called me yesterday and asked me if I would be willing to go to couples counseling to try and work out "my" issues. I told him that all the issues would go away if he stopped being an asshole, but again I was told I was being childish (I'm 20, he's 29). I said I would think about it.
I still have feelings for him and there were a lot of good things about our relationship. But right now, my trust level is like zero.
Has anyone ever done counseling like this, and did it help? And do you think he's sincere, or is it just a ploy to make me think he's changed? And do liars and cheaters ever change? My gut feeling is that it's another game - but I miss him, and I would love it if there were any way to fix this.

[Ryocchi]

The point is, he's not sorry for what he did, he doesn't believe what he did is wrong, and that means that given the opportunity he would cheat again, and he didn't give you the respect in front of his friends you deserve, would you like to stay with him knowing he could very much keep cheating on you whenever he gets horny and playing russian roulette with your health praying he doesn't get and consecutively infect you with any disease?

[Cuddly]

"Your" issues?

Sweety, I understand you have feelings for him, but this guy isn't good for you and he will not be good for (or to) you even after counseling. You should end that relationship.

He cheated on you and brushed it off as if it was nothing. Need I say more?

[CellarDweller]

So he'd get angry and scold you for talking to other guys, and all the while he was cheating on you? Sounds like at 20, you are much more mature than he is at 29.

He's not sorry for what he did, and is calling you "childish". You were smart to break it off with him. Once you lose trust, it's very difficult to get it back.

Yes it hurts now, but you have time on your side, and will have another boyfriend.

[AlfredM]

I'm sorry,couple counselling? More like he's the one who needs it. I'm surprised he even suggested this. I guess there's really no limit to being an asshole. :mad:

[Brett240]

Sounds pretty unanimous lol - which confirms what I was feeling. I think he just suggested counseling because he's so freaking arrogant, he assumed a therapist would agree with him. And manza - no, there are no limits to being an asshole - this is the same sweet guy who argued that we didn't need protection if we were exclusive...(I told him to talk to me about it after a year of being exclusive, and we'd revisit the topic. I may be young, but I aint stupid lol )-

[ChadCoxRox]

I say take him up on the free counseling. He's paying for it, you MIGHT learn something from it for you on his tab and he clearly needs "safe" exposure to his own bullshit! Tell him up front that you'll go but not to be able to get back together until after it's shown how glorious it works. LOL It won't likely phase him a bit first round so at least you got some free fun. Counselors don't work, you work counselors! Make it into something you deserve in the very least after the way he treated you and declare your counseling agenda to be about bringing closure to the hurt. (Just an alternative suggestion).

[East]

I broke up with my BF because he thought it was funny that his friends acted like I was just a sex hook-up and because I found out he was cheating while going nuts if I even talked to another guy.

When a guy is crazy jealous this is the case ALOT of the time. They are cheating or thinking about sex with other guys all the time and so they take it out on their partner out of guilt.

He tried to give me this "everyone does it, it doesn't mean anything" rap, but I was totally pissed and I left him. He said I was naïve and needed to grow up and I was immature.

He is an asshole considering he was going nuts everytime you talked to a guy. He has some serious problems to deal with. The first would be to find a mirror so he can see who he is and what he has become.

So he called me yesterday and asked me if I would be willing to go to couples counseling to try and work out "my" issues. I told him that all the issues would go away if he stopped being an asshole, but again I was told I was being childish (I'm 20, he's 29). I said I would think about it.

YOUR ISSUES????? OMG.... Couples counseling can be beneficial when there are issues as a couple but if he thinks the problems in the relationship are your issues he has a serious disconnect somewhere.... but maybe a skilled counselor will be able to point that out to him. If the counselor agrees with him after hearing the same thing you told us....leave the room and don't return.

I still have feelings for him and there were a lot of good things about our relationship. But right now, my trust level is like zero.
Has anyone ever done counseling like this, and did it help? And do you think he's sincere, or is it just a ploy to make me think he's changed? And do liars and cheaters ever change? My gut feeling is that it's another game - but I miss him, and I would love it if there were any way to fix this.

On paper..solely based on what you have said...I would walk...but it isn't my decision to make and I think you should listen to yourself ultimately. ,I think your gut feeling is absolutely correct. Maybe instead of couples counseling you can find a counselor for yourself and figure out why you might be attracted to someone like that?

You can't change him but you can change yourself.

Good luck to you!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Sounds like a keeper.....

Yes I know, you have feelings for him and all of that. But he is abusing you and making that abuse all your fault.

It may be easier to see it as abuse if he would at least hit you then turn around and blame you for his hitting you... IDK... perhaps not, so many are in physically abusive relationships and they don't leave.

Therapy is nice and all, but only works if the couple are ready to face their own part in the relationship woes. He has to own his crap, you have to own yours - and then find compromise.

Sounds to me he ain't ready to own up to his stuff... This will not end well.

[Jake]

Couple counselling? At your local church by a priest that never been married or in a relationship? If you guys can't talk to each other without the intervention of a third party you're relationship is already down the drain so save yourself some useless counselling and come to term that he has cheated you, disrespect you and your relation and it's time for you to move on. The child isn't you it's him and that's pretty much what a manipulative person would do... make sure that you wear the guilt hat. But who cheated on whom?