The commodification of friendship and love?

[Tulloni]

Maybe I am over-analysing again. I don't know, but I am wondering if maybe the advent of online dating plus changes in our way of life, culture and lifestyle isn't somehow degrading our friendships and relationships - making them at least seem 'cheaper' and therefore more expendable/disposable.

Also I feel that this pressure to be 'smart, beautiful, multilingual, etc. etc.' is raising guys expectations to the point when some of them have unrealistic expectations of you and when they realise you're just ningen (to use the common Japanese term! Yes I need to stop watching anime), they lose interest quickly. Does society make us this vain really?

It's a bit like that scene in Fight Club when Ed Norton's character mentions 'single serving' friends on his numerous business flights across the States. These are people he meets once, befriends, and never sees or hears from again. Well the same thing happens to me quite a bit - I meet people, I like them (or even I start to develop crushes on them), and then I never see or hear from them again even when I message them. It's just annoying more than anything. I met a couple of French guys I liked and I haven't seen or heard from them despite numerous attempts at contacting them. They're disparue. it really is annoying and a bit rude - surely they should respond right? not noticing once is fine but to ignore multple attempts at contact?! gah!!

I've dated a number of guys as well, gotten the impression they were really into me, only to be dumped out of the blue like a hot potato. I am left wondering if they didn't get better offers elsewhere or if somehow I didn't quite meet their heightened expectations.

So my question is this - has online dating, the Internet, the 21st Century way of life devalued human relationships somehow? do we expect more than we can realistically get out of people and does that cause disillusionment?

[AlfredM]

Ningen eh,haha,we're all ningen,aren't we?

I've experienced the very same thing,except for the dating part,where I met guys online,and lost contact just like that. I tried to contact them twice at most,and then I drop it.

To answer your question,yes it devalued human interactions. I've met some people in real life who I don't have anything in common,not into them,yet whenever I or they contact each other,we still have the decency to at least entertain each other. But it's very different with online friends/dating. You don't like somebody? Just stop contacting him. Or better,block him,LOL.

Do we expect more? I guess so. I find most people expect others to sustain a conversation (they specifically put that in their profile,and so did I),but then I wonder if they themselves are doing their part in sustaining the conversation. I mean,you can't expect the other guy to do all the questionings,it shows that you're not as interested as he is to you. It's the first contact,it's only natural to keep asking questions to each other until you find a topic strong enough to sustain the conversation. That's one expectation that I find quite annoying. So far I've only met one guy with expectation for smart and multilingual. Expectation for beauty? That's just shallow if you're into friendship,if it's a relationship,you should have certain preference I guess,after all physical attraction is the first chemistry.

[JWS]

Wow I'd like to meet u, I agree with you on what u wrote.

[SkinnyGuy123]

I understand what you mean. I'm not sure human relationships have been devalued because of the internet and online dating etc. more that because it is so easy to (in theory) get in touch and we are used to almost instantaneous responses, we notice more and take it to heart more when people don't reply. And it seems to be the norm, sadly, with online connections and dating/hookup websites that people block or ignore rather than replying politely "sorry, I had a good time but you're not my type" or whatever.

[Mark]

I wouldn't blame the internet or modern technology. The internet has just been a massive boost to the range of communication allowing people to meet and talk to others they would never of been able to do before. For example on this website alone I've spoken to a few guys I've clicked with. The user Shadow I've spoken to for almost 6 years, Cardshark for 5 and of course Andy for like 7! Again this story is similar for most and I'm sure every single one of us has spoken to someone online that has become part of our lives.

For me the break down of relationships comes down to other influences such as porn, and the media, (models and celebs). Everybody has stumbled across porn at one time or another, and it builds up a certain image.. a view of what sex would be like. I believe most people have an unrealistic view of what to expect. Everyone wants the porn sex, the porn tools and the porn stamina which just doesn't exist. The amount of people I've spoken to as well that have been disappointed by the body of the person they pulled because they didn't have a 6 pack or didn't have perfect round boobs its stupid. People are different, everyone has a different body and they do have defects that make them not perfect, and its these that people should embrace not hate :/ (God I'm ranting)

I've actually had this conversation today.. I believe that things like marriage has become far too commercialised. People get married because they think thats the social norm, or because its what should happen. Instead of having a personal ceremony a lot of people tend to go all out for some crazy big party and its all about how much they've spent which is wrong. Theres one guy on here Swalter - we've discussed his plans regarding this subject and I admire him. He knows that this means a lot to his partner from what I understand partly down to his religious stance and wants to proceed. Thats what I agree with not people just getting wed for fact its what happens. Anyway I'm going off point again - celebs have massive weddings and publicise it heavily and people now think they need to do the same. This leads to divorces happening much faster and in my opinion way too easy to obtain.

I just don't see how a means of communication can hinder relationships. Surely it helps develop certain skills? Yes the interaction between person to person has decreased but I don't think its changed the overall expectations. I guess people do expect more as they see everyone trying to impress, so you'd see some girl on Facebook upload the pictures of what they had valentines day and then you'd question why you didn't get so much and that begs the question does your partner not care etc etc and it just becomes commercialised again ARGH!

I guess through my rant I found my point... I believe every aspect of life has become commercialised and based on that then thats why people have higher expectations and thats why relationships go wrong or just don't develop.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

This has been going on since the Summer of Love (thereabouts) and has only progressed over time.

All the inter webs have done is speed up the processes.

Humanity is evolving at a breakneck speed - not physically, but socially. Evolution is not a straight forward 'better' automatically happens. There is often a lot of side alleys tried, a lot of variations on a theme all going on at the same time.

The current social evolution actually goes back about three hundred years ago when the idea that all men are created equal arose. Of course that meant all land owning, white males only.... But since then its become far more inclusive.

Humanity as a whole are either stagnated in 'traditional' social orders or they are currently trying out lots of new things largely as a result of the liberation of women, the inclusion of all types of humans, the making the child a more sacred thing instead of just another pair of hands (Child Labor laws were a huge step socially speaking).

LGBT culture is a brand new spanking culture which is in even more of a frenzy trying to identify how the whole LGBT thing actually works.

The Stonewall Riots sparked not only an external revolution (the push for acceptance) but the internal revolution of one being out and open and two forming a new form of relationship that isn't hetronormal (sadly that isn't possibly since we all hail from a bi-gendered species and someone is going to be the 'man' and the other the 'woman' - its evolution of the physical species).

Coupled with the only reason why humans exist (which is the only reason any species exist) to insure the survival of the DNA to the next generation..

What we have is a stew pot of conflicting drives and explorations of potentials, a whole species is attempting to reorder its social structure in a blink of an eye, compared to how long the species has existed.

All the media and interwebs and crap like that have done is speed up the process, exaggerate various aspects of it. It is not a new trend.... its just getting a wee bit more wild and faster with the tools we have.

[Wolfpack]

Sadly dating is diffucult no matter what way it starts or takes place. But I agree with you very much on the statement that it is very rude when people do not answer messages or just cut off contact with you.
I would never not answer someone's message, that would be very inconsiderate and wrong.

[gilhooly]

With over 900 million gay sites on the internet, maybe gays take ourselves a bit too serious. I fell in love on 6/21/68, I was immediately horny and started to laugh. Tom drove me crazy. When he got horny he started to giggle. Giggling guys made me even more horny. As of right now, I forget which I liked best. We laughed until we could barely breathe and had sex when we could stop laughing.

I loved being gay just for the pure fun of it. Tom and I lived in NYC. We made fun of guys like Andy Warhol and Truman Capote. They expected to be worshipped as VIP gay men. We laughed at how pretentious they were and continued to have a good time.

God bless New York City. A great place to be gay. You can have a great time and remain anonymous. Screw the internet. Meet guys at interesting places, like parks, new jobs, new schools, in the military or wherever guys hang out. Tom was straight, I was gay, we never gave a shit about sex rules by professionals who control the rules of dating.

Tom and I dated dead broke over 4 continents. How we survived is still a mystery to me. God bless the police in Buenos Aires. They arrested us for loitering and vagrancy. Nice guys. They fed us and told us to get out of Argentina. We did. We were easy to get along with. Tom and I lived for free. We stayed with anyone who would feed us. We always helped and cleaned house. We'd leave and land someplace else. What a great way to see the world. Me and the guy I loved. It was fun to make friends with strangers.

We had good friends in NYC and made a lot more friends in far off places. We closed our eyes and threw a dart at a map, then we went there.