Explain to my ex or not?

[novice]

My bf broke up with me about 7 weeks ago & we've been in sporadic contact 7 or 8 times since. I misread a couple things he did/said recently & kind of thought he might be wanting to try & get back together....however, he didn't. He prefers to stay "friends" if possible but I told him I doubted I could & would have to think on it. I'd decided it was better not to be friends or stay in contact - partly because I love & want him back & also because "he hates hurting people" he said so I "think" he's just doing so to ease his guilt feelings about hurting more than anything else.

So, I was deciding whether to bother contacting him to tell him these things or not (figuring he'd know my answer if he never heard from me & if he's ok w/ it either way why make him talk more - which he doesn't like doing). Complicating things now is I jogged near his street contemplating what to do & he saw me but we haven't talked since.

So, should I: contact him to say I don't want to be friends & my other thoughts or let it be?? But mainly to explain being near his street - I'm embarrassed by it but if none this is matters much to him what difference does it make?? (I just feel awkward about the whole situation but especially leaving things this way).

[jogu656]

I personally say don't contact him, he made it clear he wants a friendship which you don't, just go your own separate ways, you can jog where ever you want if he cant handle seeing you around well let it be his too bad haha, you don't want to seem desperate or pushy, or worst mean just part with a good concept of one another.

[novice]

I personally say don't contact him, he made it clear he wants a friendship which you don't, just go your own separate ways, you can jog where ever you want if he cant handle seeing you around well let it be his too bad haha, you don't want to seem desperate or pushy, or worst mean just part with a good concept of one another.

Thanks. He never makes anything very "clear" but yeah, idk if he's mad about me being at the end of his street or not (& I don't care except I would like no misunderstandings by him about it after 18 months together).

[jogu656]

then let him reach out to you when he wants any clarifications on anything, that way since he knows you wanted him back he wont misinterpret anything and there wont be awkward moments between you two, believe me those awkward moments can be embarrassing or cause fights between you two which might be worse, has happened to me in the past.

[CellarDweller]

If you don't want to be friends, then just leave him alone for now. If he reaches out to you, be honest with him, and say you don't see friendship in your future.

[Brett240]

I know that this hurts. But, at this point, I think you need to step back and make a clean break. If you're anything like me, somewhere down deep there's that tiny hope that maybe if you talk one more time, things might change. But he has made his feelings clear. If there's anything he wants to know, he can contact you. I don't think that you have any closure on this yet, and again, if you're anything like me, it will take time.
I assume that he lives on a public street, so you don't need to justify having jogged there. You might want to vary your route a little though - it's hard for you to get any closure if there are constant reminders. Try to keep busy with other friends and interests. Staying friends with him probably means you would eventually have to be seeing him with someone else, and that sucks.
I'm sorry, like I said, I know how this hurts.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You are clinging to him.

Clingy will not change his mind, if any thing it will piss him off.

Since you know that 'lets be friends' is a code for him that 'Hey look, I'm trying to get out of this relationship without too much hurting' then leave it be.

You don't need to explain your actions, and the reality is if you did have an innocent reason for be jogging there, trying to explain that to defend yourself only makes you sound more like a stalker...

You were stalking - right?...

No? Then you are justified in the knowledge you did no wrong.

Seriously HE dumped you - he's a prick, a bastard, a son of a bitch - whatever - HE dumped YOU - he hurt you, why give him the satisfaction of having more chances to hurt you?

[novice]

.....
Since you know that 'lets be friends' is a code for him that 'Hey look, I'm trying to get out of this relationship without too much hurting' then leave it be.

You don't need to explain your actions, and the reality is if you did have an innocent reason for be jogging there, trying to explain that to defend yourself only makes you sound more like a stalker...

You were stalking - right?...

No? Then you are justified in the knowledge you did no wrong.

Seriously HE dumped you - he's a prick, a bastard, a son of a bitch - whatever - HE dumped YOU - he hurt you, why give him the satisfaction of having more chances to hurt you?

You are mostly right of course. Did I know I was going to jog by his street? Yes. If that is "stalking" idk. At 5:30 pm it didn't matter if he was there or not to me. I knew there was some very slim possibility he might drive by but I preferred that didn't happen so I wasn't trying to "accidentally" bump into him.

He "cares" for me to some extent as he's brought me a small gift & facilitated a deal on a couch & rented a trailer to move the thing since breaking up. I think mostly to assuage his guilt over hurting me however.

I do realize "friends" with him is borderline impossible for me & only risks further hurt coming my way.