Gay by choice - possible?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Sexuality is a bit more complex than most folk appear to understand. We can make choices that present us with the appearance of many things. I know many gay men who have chosen to be straight... Married, kids, struggling day to day to do the straight man/father/husband provider with success to one degree or another.

I can only assume that a straight guy can apply himself and do homosexuality.


Homosexuals want marriage. Um look around you a bit, see all of the protests and advocacy of Gay marriage, legal battles and news coverage of the issue... This should be a minor clue as to how the LGBT community actually think of marriage and desire it.

While its true many gay men do not have children, its not due to a lack of a biological clock ticking loudly. Its because their preferences in partners tend to result in no pregnancy (not due to lack of trying ).

While women do tend to want babies and have that experience, not all of them desire that. Understand we all have a biological clock ticking somewhere inside of us - for some it doesn't tick as loudly as for most, and some of us ripped that sucker out and used a sledged hammer on it the first time it ticked.

Procreation is a biological imperative and eventually a person gets hit with that irrational need to have offspring.

Gays are not immune to the instinctual drive to insure the DNA survives to the next generation - its just that until pretty recently the idea of being able to have kids, marriage and 'equality' to pursue such matters has been lacking by society. Thus Gay culture has compensated to meet the needs of a sick society and deny themselves much (even today), but this is changing and this does not detract that most gay men are going to want to have a marriage and children and the 'traditional' sort of family.

You're going to discover that most gay guys don't do straight guys. We have absolutely no interest in being the punching bag to a dudes self hatred and guilt.

Besides which sex is an act of giving as much as taking - most gay guys, and I would assume you would at least want a bottom since no doubt taking it up the arse is something you would like to do, for bottoms pleasing their mate is very important to the sex act. It becomes difficult to view themselves actually pleasing their mate if he is hardwired for women...

Then there are other forms of intimacy, touching, hugging, cuddling, snuggling. More recent research/study reveals that males tend to need touch far more than women. Gay men are more in touch with that need than straight men. Thus most gay guys you will hook up with are going to need intimacy beyond sex.

Can you do that?

I can see yourself playing the role of a gay man for a short period of time. I do not see it as being wholly satisfying and there will come a time when you will regret that and most likely seek a woman.

[nullnaught]

When and if someone says to me being gay is a choice, i always say, if it is a choice, then i happily choose being gay. Now what.

[ChadCoxRox]

There are people who learn (beyond their own sexist, egotistical narcissism) how to build a life of living satisfied and then there are people who don't and do the best they can over and over and over again until it's over.

[SoverignQuantum]

I would say that being gay is not a choice, however to say I or gayers have all of the answers is completely ignorant. Studying anything that doestn't agree with being born gay has been deemed Forbidden redearch. I dont say anything without cold hard facts, however I have read online about something called Epigenetics. Its different from genetics I beleive it has to do with Inherited traits(I didnt read every detail) Also it says something about getting gayness from your mother Ifyour a man and Lesbian-ness from your dad if your a woman. It has to do with the stuff not disappearing or appearing when your in the womb.

[72jay]

. I don't want to get married and I don't want any children, basically I don't want what is traditionally understood as family.

I feel exactly the same when it comes to both marriage and kids. Absolutely zero interest in either one.

There's no choosing your sexual orientation; it's determined in the womb during fetal development. Sexuality is a spectrum, with an infinite number of points between "homosexual" and "heterosexual".

This I agree with that sexuality is not a choice, and I tend to think of it as shades of gray rather than just gay/bi/straight...

Keep in mind though there are romance and sexual part in a relationship,so you might be able to love a guy romantically,but not sexually if you're straight.

Good point to bring up
Personally I see myself as romantically bi (though somewhere closer to the gay end)...but sexually, something closer to asexual.

[Wade]

"I'm 41, maybe I'll do the second half gay, I don't know. It remains an option. There's got to be something to it. Those folks are having a good time. They have parades!"

-Louis C.K.

Jokes aside, it sounds like you're reaching for an extreme solution to fix a fairly ordinary problem. It's like trying to fix a small hole in the wall by moving to another house... or by sticking your dick in it.

That being said, I'm all for people being open and exploring their sexuality. Give it a shot, what the hell? But if I had to put money on it, I'd bet that you would find a relationship with a man wanting because at the end of the day, you are, by your own admission, not gay. And that's kind of necessary for that kind of thing to be fulfilling for both you and your potential partner.

I know women who don't want kids or marriage who have fellas. It's not impossible. Though forcing yourself to be sexually and romantically attracted to a man when you've never had those urges... if not impossible, improbable.

[trialbyerror]

Hi there Anon.
Welcome.

I doubt that one can choose one's sexuality, just as much as one can choose the color of your eyes.

Your sexual orientation is as much a part of you as you yourself.

However, what is not oft understood is that your sexuality may change, indeed it is very likely to change,

I try to describe it thus: -

Suspend a weight from a piece of string and give the string a shake so that the weight moves around. where the weight is at any point in time is where your sexuality is.

For some, like myself, the weight stays on one side of the middle, for others it swings back and forth for others it stays on the other side.

For yet other's it swings back & forth but like the swinging weight, usually slows and settles.


But note, the weight moves in all directions within that swing.

Its the weight that determines your sexuality you have very little control over it.

For some the realization comes later, for others much earlier. Here environment plays a part.

Relax. Be yourself, there is only one person in your life that need to be happy, that's you

I hope this helps..
Regards
Trial

[marshlander]

It sounds a little like you are over-intellectualising your situation. You seem to have arrived at the conclusion that being with a man might suit you best by eliminating other possibilities. Not all of us are fully aware of our sexual orientation. I have always been a little envious of people who know who and what they are from an early age. It didn't happen like that for me. If there is any truth at all in Kinsey it would make sense that the majority of people are somewhere between the so-called "nought" and "six". I know that in my case extreme social and religious conditioning made the path into a straight marriage the "obvious" and therefore only option. It was, unfortunately, a failure from the outset even though we tried to make it work. We were together for nearly thirty years in total and we had children. In the end, though, I became very unwell through the pressures and the lies I was constantly having to concoct for myself and my wife. It was only at that point that the light dawned that I may be closer to the six end of the scale than I thought.

My situation also differed from yours in that I desperately wanted children. I can remember dreaming vividly about it when I was in my mid-teens. I would love to take babysitting jobs, just to be able to care for little ones. I know that the only reason I did not go through with suicide the day I went out to do it was because the thought of my children and their needs snapped me out of it just enough to seek professional help.

The only way you are going to know for sure that you are suited for a relationship with a man is to try it. For many the sex is easier than they think it might be - after all, when it comes down to it, it's only rubbing!. It is the affection and ultimately the more fulfilling part of the partnership that determines the quality of the relationship. If you find you have the capacity to love and be loved by a man it is likely to suit you, even though you have yet to declare yourself gay or bisexual.

Even though I was in my forties before I discovered how fulfilling a relationship can be, I am glad it was with my wonderful Princealbertofb. We have been together for over eleven years and every day with him is a gift that I would not trade in for anything.