Ways to get over someone?

[novice]

I know there's no real good in talking about it but what are some practical ways to get over an ex? I don't have one friend in the city I live in & what little family I have is on the opposite side of the country. After 2 months I'm still badly effected by losing my bf. I went from having a good life with him to literally nothing. It's not his fault I never was able to create a social network after moving here & I guess I knew I was in a vulnerable position if I lost him but I didn't know how to find friends then any more then than I do now.

I try to exercise, etc, blah blah blah but nothing helps...

[jogu656]

Yeah I think friends would help a lot, like you said its hard to make friends, I too haven't been able to figure that out, I think having someone to interact with and laugh a bit can help even if it's an online friend.

[ChadCoxRox]

I'd move to Colorado! Sorry you're down friend.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Time wounds all heels....

....Wait, reverse that - time heals all wounds.

........... Well actually time does both.

"Getting over" another person is a process, requiring one to go through a bit of hurt'n followed by healing. There are important lessons to be learned from the process - even though it sucks most (not all) people come out at the other end being better for it.

There are no short cuts here, and those who do try short cuts, such as drinking alcohol in excess to drown the sorrow, usually end up royally messing things up more and suffering more for it.

There are a lot of 'side paths' people take, rebound relationships, throwing themselves into something else, be it work, play, substances.... None of those do anything to reduce the time nor do they lead to resolution of the emotional stuff that a break up brings.

Go with it, experience it, grow with it.

And be good to you.

[CellarDweller]

I know there's no real good in talking about it but what are some practical ways to get over an ex? I don't have one friend in the city I live in & what little family I have is on the opposite side of the country. After 2 months I'm still badly effected by losing my bf. I went from having a good life with him to literally nothing

I remember when an ex broke up with me, my world came crashing down. I thought there were going to be rings, and he was thinking of how to end it.

I was thrown into a tailspin, and for a few months I went to a counselor. She gave me four tasks that I was to focus on every day.

1. Physical activities. Exercise, walk, hike, bowl, dance.....go out and do things that make you feel better.

2. Connect with your spiritual side. Whether it be church, yoga, a hike to "connect with nature", meditation, volunteerism, whatever. Do something that nurtures your soul.

3. Artistic expression. Write poetry, sketch, paint, sculpt, music....whatever talent you have or would like to try, utilize it to express the anger and hurt to get it out of your system.

4. NO NEGATIVE THOUGHTS! When going through your day, think of yourself in positive ways....."I am smart", "I'm a good friend", "good at my job/school"


Focus on these four aspects each day, and it will help you move on from the pain you find yourself in.

[novice]

These are good ideas.......if I could manage any of them. #1 - I can do to some degree though ALL motivation & energy is gone. #2 - I may be able to volunteer at some point if I can find something. #3 - I have no talents but definitely need desperately to purge my anger (& hurt). I have up ended my mattress against the wall & used it as a makeshift "punching bag" until I could punch it no more. #4 - I can't "think of yourself in positive ways" yet but try not to in negative ways at least. It's tough when you feel you were callously thrown away so easily like meaningless trash.

[Borg69]

More than likely there are some kinds of gay clubs in your city... bowling, gardening, hiking, photography, dancing, biking, underwater basket weaving... join as many as you can juggle and make yourself some friends!

[happyschizoid]

Never found anything to help get over it. I just tried to focus on myself and do things I found relaxing until it passes.

I would allow myself to become involved more often when the outcome of a relationship was questionable if there was a way to deal with the feeling of loss.

Sorry you are going through it and if you find the answer please let us know.

[matty7]

Im terrible at letting people go - im more like a pet ,,, faithful till I die .. so im no help at all really - in fact I shouldn't have bothered posting really

[novice]

Im terrible at letting people go - im more like a pet ,,, faithful till I die .. so im no help at all really - in fact I shouldn't have bothered posting really

No, it's good to hear I am not the only one. I have always been "replaced" in every relationship eventually. I however have NEVER seen partners as easily "replaceable" - practically speaking OR emotionally. Maybe if you don't experience that as much or are a more successful dater each individual person becomes (consciously or not) - a bit less "precious" to you?