Shit bucket full - what to do?

[Anonymous]

Hi readers

I am in a loving relationship and life is great. But for a month my boyfriend has been acting very vicious towards me. I know he is stressed and with good reason. He has a busy job which he worries over for good reasons. We are also moving into a new house. We are hosting numerous parties during the following month and have been unusually busy recently. He also has issues with his sisters. The sisters recently stopped talking to each other, because of a dispute caused by their father.

All of this stress has been vented on me. I know that, I understand the need. But I have been surviving on the thought that when we had moved, he would calm down. Now we have moved and that doesn't seem to be the case, but my bucket is full and I cannot take anymore shit. I have been filled far over my limits and swallowed it, always recuperating with the thought that it would be over soon. But it is not over, but I have taken all I could.

I have my own busy everyday life to deal with too. What would you have me do? This was a venting of my own. Please be kind.

[SilverBullet]

Im sorry to hear about your situation , you did everything right. I think the BEST thing to do here is a nearly universal answer, talk to him and explain things like how you feel. I would suggest the parties you guys were hosting and all other things less important than your relationship (everything) needs to halt for a little while. You two should take a vacation at all costs less than loosing jobs, you both NEED a break. If the two of you cannot arrange a SOON vacation if I were you id rent a hotel for a week or something and take a break. It sounds like your almost to the point of doing something you may regret later, just stay cool and try to remove him and you from the fire for a little while ^_^
wishing you two the best!

[Anonymous]

Thank you Silverbullet. It is sound advice, but cleaning our old home, so we are out of that hellhole for good and our everyday lives don't allow for respite. But just your kind words help more than I had dared hope, so thank you very much.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

It is so easy to whip your partner and not be fully aware that the partner wants you to stop. Familiarity breeds many things, contempt being one, but also an easy to abuse (unintentionally).

We are hosting numerous parties during the following month and have been unusually busy recently.

Seems like we are making choices which are not conducive to a happy home.

I personally keep the parties down to 3 a year. I flat fucking refuse to host more than 3 social gatherings in my home. Its not because I'm that antisocial, its because hosting is always a high stress situation and my home is my sanctuary. Well to a point, I live where I work/work where I live thus home is not the wholly safe and peaceful place it really should oughta be.

Moves are akin to deaths, marriages, divorces, and getting new jobs - stress value wise.

The fact that you have decided to move then play host to numerous parties is a stupid mistake. Neither of you are allowing yourselves the change to get accustomed to the new home and fully territorialize it by marking each and every nook and cranny, by fully 'owning' it by yourselves. Instead you have decided to allow every other animal to come in, mark your new territory and keep you both from actually making this house a home.

I would start by cancelling as many of those 'numerous' parties as possible.

If you share days off, I strongly suggest that you both take turns leaving the other utterly and completely alone in the new place on a day off. The other takes a hike, goes visit Aunt Martha or wanders the mall or something while the other is allowed to wander the house completely naked, scream at the walls and doors, piss in each corner - whatever it is that a person does when they are completely and utterly alone in their own 'safe' place.

After a couple days for each of you, then spend a day doing absolutely nothing together in your new home. be it playing computer games, or sitting in front of the boob tube watching old Betty David movies or whatever it is you like to do together.

You are both stressed out, and I suspect that you may be taking a bit of your own out on him. Perhaps not in obvious ways - well maybe not obvious to you.

You all may not be able to give up the stress filled jobs, but you can definitely choose to make your new home either a safe haven from the stressful world, or a hell-pit of social activities with even more stress.

Oh and if your fiends all get their panties up in a bunch that you have cancelled these parties - its time to clean out your friends list. Seriously, no one should be expecting the new home owners to be up to doing much more than settling in and finding the perfect spot for that hideous Vahz Aunt Martha gave you all.

[ChadCoxRox]

Come apart and rest.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Domestic abuse has many faces, and while you or your partner may not recognise the symptoms, that appears to me to be whats happening.

The fact that you are also making excuses for him is also a classic symptom.

You both need to sit down and discuss the situation between you, if you don't then there is the potential for this to escalate.

Can you say what country you are in, as this will influence the advice you may get.

ObW
X

[matty7]

well for one = the hosting of parties would be out of the window and tell him so - you need time for each other, he's been overloaded with family problems etc and taking it out on you - your not his punch bag and explain if you can how this makes you feel, taking it out on you is not right at all and maybe he doesn't even realise that he is doing so, but you do need to tell him.......everyone needs to vent, but if it goes too far then it needs to stop before your relationship really suffers

[CellarDweller]

It's time to stop hosting parties, and for you and your partner to focus on you. Your relationship is going to collapse under all this weight.

Can you do a weekend away somewhere? Even just a bed and breakfast where it can be just the two of you.

[ChadCoxRox]

Two 60 minutes couple massages for $90 special!!!! Works wonders.

[Jake]

Two 60 minutes couple massages for $90 special!!!! Works wonders.

Excellent suggestion it works wonders for real... Everytime things are getting tense between me and my husband, we have learned to stop, breathe and take our mind off by changing air. Massage, Racketball, Tennis... anything that keeps you busy and take your mind off... so no a diner at the restaurant doesn't work since while you're waiting for your food there's still room for you to whine about things LOL.