Needing some guidance; social anxiety

[Anonymous]

While I was in high school, I had terrible social anxiety. It was about that time when I really started struggling with my sexuality, and I had a lot of issues with self-esteem because I was socially awkward. I was really uncomfortable with myself, and I got made fun of a lot, mostly by guys who were younger than me, which made it even worse.

Those were awful times, but I've come a long way in the past few years. I have changed completely, I came out, I grew into myself, I became more attractive, I have good friends who embrace me, strangers greet me with a smile and I feel "normal" for the first time in my life, but sometimes, when I'm home, my life from high school still comes back to haunt me.

Today, for example, I was out in town at a convenience store, and a group of high school kids were there. Mind you I graduated just three years ago, so they would have recognized me. I could have sworn one of them whispered my name as they walked by, and when I ignored them they started laughing and one of them said "awkward".

Now, I could have just been imagining that that was about me, but I really don't know what else it could have been... how humiliating, I'm nearly 21 years old and young kids from high school still make fun of me. No doubt they remember me as the quiet, reserved, "creepy" guy (I've heard myself called that before), if only they knew what it was like to be in my shoes during that time.

I know this shouldn't bother me too much, but when my former life as an awkward teenager comes back to haunt me, it just me in such a bad place mentally and emotionally. It tears me down, for a while I feel terrible about myself again, and it makes me feel weak. I'll be honest, I feel great about myself nowadays, but my self-esteem is still a work in progress, and sometimes I forget how fragile it is.

I feel embarrassed that I'm even writing this, that this is bothering me this much, but I needed to ground my thoughts somehow and I guess I just want someone to hear me out.

[Wolfpack]

No need to feel embarrassed, this site is all about helping and giving advice. So you had a tough time as a teenager and it is quite normal that this still affects you. Teenagers will always be teenagers, and can be quite cruel, but you are grown up now, and need to move forward with your life. Concentrate on the person you are now, your life now and the friends you have. Push on with your life and your self esteem will improve in time, what these teens think does not really matter.

[CardShark]

I'm in the same boat chap and have quite severe anxiety issues, you just have to ignore then chap people need to learn to grow up really.

[Ruru]

[COLOR="Purple"]Buddy, you can count on us for anything, I know you might wanna keep things to yourself or sometimes you just don't trust any of us enough since we're just people logging on here and hang around wearing usernames as IDs and such...

It'll pop in your head once in a while when you're most vulnerable, and it'll try to creep onto you but I suggest you remain analogical, after all, this world cares little for what nonsense teens spout unless if it's something important, it might seem a lil difficult sometimes to just ignore or let it go, I know the feeling, but if that happens just call a friend or your partner incase you got one, talk with them or maybe do something else, watch tv if needed.

Entertainment gets your mind off of things and that more often than not is a necessity for all the things that goes on in our lives.

Heck I remember overthinking everything all the time 'till I turned 19, it was tough man, but I'm able to smile after all the problems I too had in high school and all the wrong choices I've made, took me some time but hey, to every problem there's a solution!

Stay awesome dude, you know you're awesome, your friends love you just the way you are. [/COLOR]

[CellarDweller]

Given what gay people go through in their teens, it's not surprising for you to experience this.

When I was in Jr. high and then high school, there was on guy in particular who made himself my bully. He would look for me on a daily basis and try to torment me. One thing that helped me escape him from time to time was his cologne. I learned to hate that smell, and he smelled like he showered in it. It often alerted me that he was near, and I could make a quick retreat.

Not long ago, I went shopping with friends, and was in some department store, when suddenly, someone was near and wearing that cologne. I literally froze up, and started to look and see what the quickest escape route was.

Don't be too hard on yourself. When your past comes back, remember how you've grown and changed.

[ChadCoxRox]

Hi guy! Listen, if you've made the progess you describe and that experience "felt" that strong I'd strongly suggest you consider just how much further you can potential go if you bring better closure to the grief of the past and turn that remaining pain, doubt and fear into a tremendous catalyst for not only your own change but the wonderful gift of helping others with similar experience.

It is wise to do this strategically, intentionally and under the guidance of an experienced coach. You don't necessarily need a therapist, but many do just this and that would be great; but, you can find a great coach or "coaching team" with only a little research and planning. I sense amazing ability with your post and I bet you don't even realize the magnitude of your capacity and potential.

To survive such horror and go from victim to survivor is one thing. To transform that process from survivor to "thriver" will result in phenomenal change, first in you and then in the world you engage. The majority only endure the anxiety and even develop true disorders because of it. You have a chance and a choice. I wish you all the best!!!

[gilhooly]

I am 68 and do Tai chi everyday. I was actively taught how to fight and defend myself as a young boy. I was trained in weapons at Quantico, the FBI Academy at 7 and 8 by family friends J Edgar Hoover and Clyde Tolsen. The two men in charge of the FBI built up my self confidence.

By the time I joined the US Marine Corps in 1968, my 3 drill instructors at Parris Island were a lot more afraid of me than I was of them. By the time I arrived at Camp LeJeune, I organized an 8 week long orgy which is remembered to this day..

I truly loved having sex with guys and NOBODY has ever whispered a nasty insult towards me. I was the marine who hung out the window at the Dallas Book Depository. I reported back to the FBI that Oswald was not the lone gunman. The shot had to have come from the grassy knoll. I had a good time getting shot at on the NJ Turnpike while trying to steal a nuclear warhead. Hoover reamed the Air Force when he showed the film of me and my buddy trying to drive a white pickup van off the turnpike. Unfortunately, chase helicopters opened up with 50 cal machine bullets. We survived.

Get a friend and learn how to kick ass. You will have to do thousands of push ups and squat thrusts but the training last forever. God help your friends if they give you shit when I am standing there. I don't like homophobes. They threaten the integrity of my country. Gays and straights both have a right to live here. If you don't threaten straight guys, NO ONE has the right to insult you.

Do you know how to throw a punch? Try joining the NRA. No one has ever found a substitute for a pair of balls. I never feel nervous. I like making others nervous. I am a gay guy who gives anxiety to straight guys. I have a sense of humor about being gay. I laughed so hard when people realized I had no intention at all in backing down from a fight. Fucking and fighting feel good if you ask me.

I am serious. Spend time exercising. A healthy mind needs a healthy body. Exercise and run 3 miles when you get up. Assholes making comments will avoid you. Bullies pick on the weak. Don't appear weak. It encourages them and they will insult other gay guys [until they meet me]. I would rather die than lose a fight to homophobes.