What's on Your Mind

[CellarDweller]

almost halfway thorugh with the day

[Wolfpack]

Just two more days to work then I get three days off, nearly there.

[Barefoot]

My gay neighbor who has been very good to me, helping me in many ways that really have been helpful, will be moving out of state soon. I'm thinking of visiting him tonight and see if he'd like to go to a gay bar with me one night before he leaves. Not many people have gone above and beyond to help me the way he has. I will miss him. I'll call him in a while and see if he'd like a visit.

[dynamodean]

This is why I've been absent for a week now.

I'm sorry Derek... will you again post more if I stick around more often?

Of course. The site actually loads promptly now too. It's not in slow mo' anymore.

[Miles]

Shouldn't drink and post.

I'm glad I have a job, any job, and I'm getting better at it. I have nothing to complain about.

[Wolfpack]

Holidays and conventions.

[Jay]

Something is bothering me a little bit right now.

My aunt came for a visit and she hasn't seen me for years. Then she saw me. My mom and my aunt pointed out that I have a gaunt face.

Oh, brother. Not this again.

My mom has been saying that I have a gaunt face since 2005. She didn't say it once but many times. It used to bother me a lot. It did affect my mind and how I looked at myself.

Additionally my ex best friend from my old high school also had a laugh and criticized my face by saying I look like a really sick person.

To make it worse, a plastic surgeon in Hospital A suggested me to do a plastic surgery on my face. He suggested inserting cheek implants to begin with. I went to see that surgeon for other reason. Not to do a make over of my face.

Another plastic surgeon in Hospital B told me that there's nothing wrong with my face. It's naturally structured as it is. God, I was relieved to hear that.

Until a head nurse from Hospital B suggested me to do a face lift.

I told my mom few years ago; "I'm going to do some work on my face since everyone keeps saying so including you."

My mom hesitated and said it's not necessary.

"But you criticized my face before." I pointed out to her.

She went quiet.

But now she's saying it all over again.

It took me years to appreciate my face. God, I used to despise mirrors and my own reflection because of these people. They messed up my mind.

I happened to love my face, okay? I believe I look good as it is. Can't just people leave it alone.

Sheesh.

[CellarDweller]

I think you're very handsome, and youthful looking. Perhaps those making suggestions are jealous of that.

Don't touch anything.

[BlueStar]

Greeting each day with even more determination.

[Jay]

I think you're very handsome, and youthful looking. Perhaps those making suggestions are jealous of that.

Don't touch anything.

Thanks Cellar for the kind words. Very much appreciated.

I have also been told by some people including former colleagues that I am nice looking. But I didn't believe them. I seriously thought they were just being nice to me. My mind was completely messed up at the time.

It was difficult to accept praises as negative words have been planted into my mind much earlier. Being criticized by my own mother makes it harder to get rid of the bad thoughts.

I wouldn't say I am fully recovered but at least i can accept my face as it is. Good looking or not, that's not the issue. The issue is self acceptance.

Regarding to plastic surgery on my face such as cheek implants or facelift in the future; frankly I'm over the fence. I just hope to god that I am still mentally strong to say no to alter my face in the future.