Some great one liners

[LONDONER]

Groucho Marx (1890-1977):
'I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.'
Picture: AP

Woody Allen (1 December 1935-):
'Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.'

W.C Fields (1880-1946):
'Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.'

Spike Milligan (1918-2002):
'Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.'

Dorothy Parker (1893-1967):
'If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.'

Bob Newhart ( September 5, 1929-):
'I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.

Jimmy Carr (15 September 1972):
'I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help". '

Noel Coward (1899-1973):
'Never trust a man with short legs… his brain’s too near his bottom.'

Oscar Wilde (1854-1900):
'The English country gentleman galloping after a fox is the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.'

Eric Morecambe (1926-1984):
'I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.'

Mark Twain (1835-1910):
'Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.'

Joan Rivers (June 8, 1933-):
'The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.'

Mae West (1893-1980):
'I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.'

Jerry Seinfeld (April 29, 1954-):
'I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup.'

Ambrose Bierce, author of The Devil's Dictionary (1842-1913):
'War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.'

[AlohaShannon]

Thanks Londoner! My faves in this post are Bob Newhart's and Joan Rivers' quotes. Definitely made me smile.

[LONDONER]

Thanks Londoner! My faves in this post are Bob Newhart's and Joan Rivers' quotes. Definitely made me smile.

I think that Mae West's is pretty clever. Nice play on words.