Met an indecent guy who I could connect with.. FWB possibility?

[AlfredM]

So we had another chat last night,which lasted almost 4 hours this time. We talked about what we look for in man,and things get a bit deep when it was his turn. He just uttered these words that I could barely understand,like when I tried to read a poem. It wasn't a poem though,they were just words from his heart. He said that he gave up on finding man,and let them look for him. Well,he's already 38 after all,at the brink of reaching 40s,I guess this is not uncommon.

His next words,"I have yearn for a soul that may guide and give me strength to surpass all barriers and complication that may come our way. That's what I am looking for.. it's not the passion of loving just for the sake of lust,but yearning for embracing two soul and be able to live the life freely".

Then he made a joke to break the serious tension in the conversation,which led us to talk about my virginity,hahaha. :p

Anyway,what do you think about it? Now I don't get a vibe for FWB anymore from him,but perhaps,just PERHAPS,something more. Hmm. =|

[Bowyn Aerrow]

"I have yearn for a soul that may guide and give me strength to surpass all barriers and complication that may come our way. That's what I am looking for... it's not the passion of loving just for the sake of lust,but yearning for embracing two soul and be able to live the life freely."

That is pretty heavy stuff right there.

If it was from a 'kid' (late teen/early 20 something) I would be leery as to his real intent. Few kids have been on the merry-go-round we call life long enough to get that special blend of jadedness that separates our wants from our needs.

Seems to me this guy knows pretty much what the real deal with relationships is about it. And given his age I'm not too terribly surprised to read words like those. It makes perfect sense.


As for my little joke, that was in response to:

"The reason I'm considering FWB is because I'm horny almost all the time but I don't like hooking up cause it feels like I'm cheap and being used..."

In America we have the expression 'cheap whore'... It may not translate well.

However there is that other part that was part of that thought which now may be very important to what you do with this guy:

"...yet I can't look for a relationship cause I want to relocate to study abroad (and migrate as well) by earliest next February."

I just said that special jadedness that separates our wants from our needs.

I wanted to be a minister, a friar and devote my life to Church and God. My life didn't quite work out as planned, I met a guy, fell in love - so much for all of that vows of poverty, obedience and celibacy....

Life has a way of making choices for us - usually not what we want but more often than not what we need.

If he is spewing these deep thoughts about what he is looking for in the way of a relationship in this way, the last thing he NEEDS is a FWB situation. He is too fragile, in to precarious a situation to where love is bound to sneak up and hit him over the head with a baseball bat if he attempts a FWB situation.

He most likely already knows that one has to really like their potential partner. If you to become friends that means there is a bit of liking going on. Love is not too far off in his mind and heart and he is looking for a special form of love.

So the idea of FWB situation with this particular guy isn't going to end up just being FWB. He at the very least runs a great chance of wanting a relationship...

But you plan on leaving and going away forever.

So you are going to have to decide how dead set you are on migrating and how willing/able you are to stay wherever to be with him.

Again, life throws curve balls... Want and need is rarely the same thing.


I think you both need to be aware of the inherit risks of FWB situations and discuss them amongst yourself making certain you both know that the risk here is that love will happen.

Love is like gravity, one has no control over it. Thus the phrase 'Fall in love' is pretty literal and carries with it the implication that you are 'falling'. As with gravity, once it kicks in and takes over you are pretty much helpless to do anything to stop it until you hit the hard solid ground.

Its really easy to say 'Oh I can keep from falling in love' - this deception many a human try on self. And many of those humans end up finding out just how big a liar they really are.

You need to put out there that you have plans for your future which is elsewhere. And you need to decide just how important this migrating thing is.

[AlfredM]

Damn Bowyn,you mentioned some pretty good points there. I honestly don't think I want to suggest FWB with him anymore after that last talk. But I don't know if I want to pursue something else like a relationship,it's not like I'm not open to it now,but I'm afraid of once again moving things too fast. I don't know how to hold back.

As for migrating,I've been wanting it for a long time,cause I thought it's the best way for me to live fully as a happy gay man,you know with equality. Also the degree that I want to take is more in demand for work overseas than in local,so it's a good career opportunity too. But you're right,life has a way of making choice for us,and sometimes what we want doesn't necessarily reflect what we need. While I seriously want to migrate,it's not set in stone. Btw,he already knew about my plan,I don't know what does that make it. =|

[AlfredM]

Ah,well,so the last time I talked to him (before today),he actually cleared things up saying he wasn't looking for anything more from me other than friendship. Then I said I wanted to meet him even as friends,cause I hate endless chat,it isn't my cup of tea. He gave me a call,and from his voice,I fell out of infatuation immediately (voice is an important factor of sexiness to me). We planned to meet last Monday,but I didn't meet him cause I just got back to KL that morning and fell asleep all the way to the meeting time. It didn't help that the bus that I took the night before had a baby crying on board,and the bus wasn't comfy enough too.

Then almost a week passed,and I texted him today,asking if he's still mad about me standing him up. And he just blurted out without even saying hi back that he's seeing someone,and just declared it yesterday. That felt weird. Not that I'm sad,a bit disappointed maybe,but had I known he was seeing someone,I won't even give a damn about him. Well,I asked him if he's still interested in friendship,cause judging from him not saying hi back,one-word replies,these are all the symptoms of someone not giving a damn. And another one word reply,"friendship". I'll just see if he really means that by letting him contacting me next time. But in all honesty,I'm one foot leaving this friendship already. Maybe I should have set my friendship/relationship standard higher: NO INDECENCY AT ALL.

So that ended 2 chapters of my 'love life' where I didn't even get to go for a date with guys I connected with and thought they are relationship material. I'll take a break,with exam coming soon,then fasting month,I definitely could use the break. Thanks for all the advice in between.