Long distance relationship

[HumbleTangerine]

I'm extremely skeptical towards long-distance relationships, and I would never enter one myself. However, I don't believe the conditions for neither love nor relationships are in any way universal, so for some people it probably works amazingly.

[Mark]

All this "time" you're talking about is probably less than the time you'd have to devote to someone actually living by your side. So the time element doesn't really come into it. It's got to do with being unselfish and thinking of the other often enough. I won't deny the devotion and the efforts or work it takes. I'd say it's a state of mind. One in which you think of your partner, keep him / her in mind often, sometimes do something about it, like send a text message, or get in touch for a spot of chat.

The time is more in regards to the time it takes to travel to see them, time you have to take out of the day to make some form of contact that if you lived with someone you wouldn't need to do, the time you'd need to book off work to see them which sound selfish but you wouldn't be able to take any time to just chill with no travelling really :p

[princealbertofb]

I could give you an in depth reply but I think an emoticon is enough



They don't have an eye-rolling smiley on here
:o

I think they do have an eye-rolling emoticon it's called rolleyes. : rolleyes : take out the blank spaces.

[princealbertofb]

The time is more in regards to the time it takes to travel to see them, time you have to take out of the day to make some form of contact that if you lived with someone you wouldn't need to do, the time you'd need to book off work to see them which sound selfish but you wouldn't be able to take any time to just chill with no travelling really :p

Even so, Marky, in the end it doesn't add up. It is and it isn't a question of time.

[Bhp91126]

I think they do have an eye-rolling emoticon it's called rolleyes. : rolleyes : take out the blank spaces.

yeah, but the eyes don't move.

[princealbertofb]

yeah, but the eyes don't move.

You're right, they don't. Not all emoticons on here are moving ones.

[Gideon]

As Twist said above, I've been in a long distance relationship for the past six years. Happily so...so yeah, I definitely believe in them.

That's not to say there aren't times I didn't wish I was there, or he was here...times when I didn't ache to reach out and touch him. But we make up for those times and we make it work.

(I love you, babyboy)

[marshlander]

Yes, long-distance relationships can work. P.A. and I have been in one since 2003 ... although he'll tell you it's 2002

Regular contact is important. Communication is vital. Both parties need to think seriously about what freedoms they are prepared to claim and to allow. I think topping up the batteries with regular visits is important. Otherwise what is the difference between being in a relationship and being the modern equivalent of pen-friends?

P.A. took a gamble taking me on. I did not have a very good history. He told me very early on that if I needed to find sexual release with other men during our periods apart that would be okay as long as I did not put him at risk. Knowing I have that freedom is enough. I amaze myself that I have never wanted to take that path and my fidelity to him is a gift I am only too pleased to give him. We are both happy to acknowledge that we are real people, real individuals and realistic about what we need to keep us healthy and happy. We do not own each other's bodies.

We both live full and interesting lives. We always have things to share and talk about. Daily text messages, online chatting most days and, two or three times a week, our one-sided Skype calls (I have a cam, but he does not, so he types responses in an IRC window) keep us in touch with each others' lives. I am self-employed and years ago I made the decision to block out a week each month to visit him at his place on the French/Swiss border. During school holidays when I tend to have less work we can spend longer together. For eight years I was living with my father, so return visits were often not possible. After my father died P.A. has spent more time coming to England.

I now live on a narrowboat in England and we have often spent many happy weeks at a time together cooped up in a small space. Any relationship that can endure that intensity must have something going for it.

I can't say whether this kind of relationship would have been possible in our younger years when the testosterone was more abundant, but it certainly works now. Yes, there are many downsides. I often feel that I am in the wrong country. I often miss his physical presence. There are times when I would just like to be able to talk over something with him and he is not available. There are times when I would just love to have a hug or be able to comfort him with a hug after he's had a hard day at work. All that is tough and is a test of the quality of the relationship. However the times we are together are wonderful. We are always excited to see each other again. We have always parted knowing that our time together has flown by and not been anywhere near long enough.

We shall move in together one day. That will probably happen when one or other of us feels able to retire. The chances are we may well be married before we do. Until then we both enjoy our work in our own countries. In the meantime our relationship is enriched by living two lives in two cultures. He lives an urban life surrounded by other apartment blocks and the nearness to facilities, not to mention mains plumbing and drainage! I doubt I could live in a more isolated place in my lovely spot on the river. We each have the advantage of offering the other something completely different in terms of living experience and environment.

By the way, my first paragraph is not a reference to any kind of dispute or even senility. P.A. knew long before I did that this was a partnership to which he was prepared to commit. I love and trust him more than I have ever loved or trusted anyone. He knows more about me than anyone else ever has. We can talk about anything. The most difficult and potentially distressing subjects can be discussed with sensitivity and perspective and my life is immensely rich for having P.A. in it. Every time I take a moment to send a thought his way my heart still gives a little flutter and the thought of him still makes me smile all the way through.

[HIkerSkier]

It works for some. It helps to have enough income to be able to travel to the other;s place on a regular basis.

[marshlander]

... It helps to have enough income to be able to travel to the other;s place on a regular basis.

Of course you are absolutely right about that. It plays an important part in the equation and I failed to mention it. I am in the fortunate position of being less than a thousand miles away from my partner. It is much more of a challenge for people on different continents. We have a friend in New York with a partner in Taiwan. That sounds really difficult. We also have another couple of friends, one partner in Spain and one in France. With neighbouring countries one might have thought it easier, but they actually get to see each other less often than P.A. and I do.

It is not an easy way of conducting a relationship. There are some months when I cannot afford the trip. When he can PA will help out. He has in the past done that very generously. I still have to be prepared to give up a potential week's earnings though. Sometimes I have to look into the future and see what work is coming up. If I know I am approaching a dry patch I may not be able to afford to defer any work I can get and will have to stay in the UK to work while I can. I am in such a situation at the moment. There are times of the year when I may not have work for weeks at a time (for example, I think I earned just £90 during the whole of last August). Most weeks I manage to get about two days' paid work a week. This week will be a good one because I have two and a half days. I do work quite hard at reducing my outgoings and that is a work in progress. Having just finished making up my accounts for the last financial year I seem to be hovering around what seems to be the poverty line in the UK, but I certainly don't consider myself impoverished. I eat carefully, but well. Being self-employed I don't claim benefits of any kind (even were I entitled to any the red tape is a nightmare for the self-employed) and am still in the minority that pays all NHS charges for prescriptions, dental or eye treatment. Of course the picture would look very different if I still had dependent children instead of grown up ones who need bailing out from time to time - which is one of the reasons I find myself stretched at the moment.

Yes, we make our choices and sometimes we just have to cut the cloth accordingly. I'm not pretending it is easy. I just feel fortunate. I have a man who seems to have love and patience in abundance.